Too darn hot!,

It's too darn hot.... I've decided. My paving slabs are warm, my drinking waters warm and most of all I want to take some fur off. Her indoors s still messing me about. Came in covered in cream spots this time, and I still can't get an answer out of Merlin.... Cantankerous miserable old fart! On the plus side I just happen to know that we've got ice cream for supper tonight. Last night I was feeling a bit down, so I plonked myself on the table and I told her straight.... When she's down she gets chocolate, well I like ice cream. Just when it's started to go runny and soft and its just so lickable..... That's the best way. If your not careful Freya will swallow hers whole and then try and steal another lot.  And another thing, she keeps disappearing all day, it's really beginning to wind me up. Think tonight I will have to try a different approach. Merlin and me, we are her special boys.... She never goes anywhere without us. I know she keeps saying its too hot for us to travel but is it really?  Anyway I can smell tuna pasta wafting out the kitchen..... Think I had better go see what's going on.  I personally see no reason why we can't have icecream for tea but she won't wear it. See u later...Cool runnings Gryff

Something is going .......

I know it is, I am absolutely sure it is, and more to the point , nobody has told me what it is!!!!! Her indoors keeps creeping off at stupid o'clock in the morning, after she's dragged us out, and coming home looking like she's had a trolls make over. She's all covered in green splodges and  her nails are green, even her hair has got green streaks in it! And then last night, she turns up with Merlin in tow. He's been on one of his retirement short breaks with his bit of totty Lola the St Bernard. Never known a dog have a retirement like his. He calls here, stops there, goes out in his side car, down to the beach,  but in fairness I have to say, when he got home last night he hopped into his saggy baggy thing, had tea in bed and apart from the snoring we haven't heard a bark out of him. In fact he even went a little poddle on his own this morning. BUT the fact remains he knows what she up to and I don't! Keep walking by and giving him a nudge but he's having none of it.just lifts a lip and tells me to go away and  PLAY. PLAY! ME HOW OD DES HE THINK I AM? Well personally I think it's a bit warm, so while I consider my best options to get it out of him, I shall go and lie on my big cold wet towel, strategically parked in the shade. There has got to be a way to find out..... Cool runnings Gryff

Two dog bobsleigh team.

Who says Bernese can be a little bit slow on the uptake, who says Bernese  can be stubborn , and who says we don't like sports? We love sports.... bobbling , hedgehog hustling, stick renovation, snow ploughing and now bobsleighing. You can forget fetching a ball or football.... We go for the unusual and the hyper active. Just like the girls at the moment......  Normally we stick to the lovely cool tiled floor in the heat, but the last week or so Freya and Asti (mother and daughter team) have taken to sleeping with the troll. I know, I know but somebody has to do it! I personally think they have taken it into their heads to do a bit of troll sitting while he comes to terms with his little problem. Anyway, her indoors is still insisting we go out at some undogly time while it is still cool. Now the girls are torn. Walk or lie in, the upshot being they don't get up till the last run, when their names are called for the last time. They fly off the bed, bunch up at the top of the stairs and come down with Asti in the lead and Freya supplying the speed at the back. They toboggan  over the ridges on the stairs, hit the rug on the bottom, and let it slide as fast as possible towards the solid wood front door.  Marks are given based on 1) the speed at which they jump off the rug before it hits the door. 2) the number of wrinkles the rug ends up in piled up against said door and finally 3) the grace with which they pirouette  and change direction by 180degrees to ice skate the wooden hall floor towards the kitchen door. Time of course is also a factor as is the number of step edges that contact is made with (less being more speed so therefore more points.) marks are out of 100 , split up into five sections of 20. Bit like your ice skating really. Excellent especially as I am thinking of adding an extra category based on how much they wind her indoors up by doing this.... She says they could get hurt but I don't think so. Too sharp by half those two! Then of course there is the ancient sport of Bobbling. This a much maligned sport and can be played from dead slow to excess speed. It's origins are hidden n the bones of time, but basically it's very simple. Points are awarded for the number of green round bobbles OR the large variety thistles collected by the sports dog based on location , amount of matting caused, and difficulty of removal. Sports dogs have a prescribed distance they can travel ( irrespective to the dogs size or coat type) at their choice of speed. Extra points are awarded if bobbles are placed on the inside of ears, in the feathers just to the sides of a tail, or in the long fluffy bits by the ears, OR the bobbles are damp and disintegrate during extraction. The use of  scissors is of course an automatic disqualification . Any large thistles are of course ten points each  and the one with the most points wins. PLEASE NOTE! THIS IS BOBBLES NOT GRASS SEEDS AN ENTIRELY MORE DANGEROUS AND EXPENSIVE  GAME, as is WASP SNAPPING  BEE BAITING and TOAD TAG! ALL OF WHICH WILL GET U VISIT TO THE VETS AT BRAKE NECK SPEED. My personal favourite is Hedgehog Hustling, but I will tell you about that another day. Cool runnings Gryff.                   PS. Merlin just cleared of motorbike and sidecar racing with uncle Rob. Who says speed is not genetic?

Canine Diplomatic Immunity

There are times when I am so pleased that I possess Canine Diplomatic immunity and four paws rather than two hands and two legs and a machine of any type. About as far as I can go is my Bone Pad, and there are times when I think my paws are now too big for that. Him indoors is still having a bad week, and he has gone from a troll like deep green, through blue and is now bordering a deep shade of purple. His little warts are now standing out so far that I worry for him..... And all because of things that he can't control. Apart from still needing time to get used to being sugar intolerant ( the D word is now banned) the printer and the computer upstairs, although standing side by side are no longer talking to each other. Basic  normal couple then !  The printer has recently thrown a paddy till it got a full set of SAME NAME ink cartridges, having originally said it only needed a black one... (Do you think it's FEMALE by any chance). And now she's (sorry IT) saying that it doesn't recognise the make of cartridges, and this has been going on for a couple of hours now.  Added to that is the fact that SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED made him help with the housework while it was cool has not helped his blood pressure at all. Infact as a precautionary measure we are all in our cool bunkers scattered around the garden with our tin hats ready for action.  Personally I know you two legs love to tinker with machines but why? All you seem to do is get cross crosser and eventually explosive. I suppose there must be the odd two legs that has an affinity with these little boxes but aren't we better? We are soft , comforting, responsive, usually rather gorgeous to look at, and always there when u need us. Agreed we have the odd annoying habits - shaking up the walls when we are wet, pinching all the bed to the expulsion of the two legs, the odd paw print, selective deafness , moulting as we walk through the house on the cream carpet.... But generally speaking we are quite easy going. Well I know I am! Her indoors says my most annoying habit is when I jump on the patio table, and walk through the utility window. In fairness I only do when she's just wiped everything clean ( just got to....) and I think the bit that really annoys her is because I am about two feet taller than her. Never mind I know she still loves me.  Cool runnings Gryff

A new source of income V dead troll walking?

Www. The adventures of Gryff. Well as you are aware, the troll is really struggling with the diabetes thing. Denial is an understatement, while the desire for the wrong things just increased X10. Got to admit I am getting used to some of the short sharp words that sound like our barks, while his undercover 00k9 moves are quite in keeping with 007. Could even call the film Barkfall or Skybone! Anyway his move this morning was quite smooth.... Her indoors is insisting we all walk on our own at some unearthly time in the morning so that its cool and we don't run around like lunatics and overheat BORING!... And he offered to do the toast. Now six dogs plus two for the trout as he was having cereal is 8? By my paws anyway! Anyway she suggested he take two out while she did four...more exercise for him....and as they crossed on the last run she asked about the toast. Anyway when she got in there were only four slices and a couple of butter knives on the table. So of course Asti and I got the blame for the shortage. In fairness she did cop me with a crust sticking out my bone Shoot, and Asti had black bits on her teeth, but then again he did pay us to take the pressure off. What he didn't do was remove the BUTTER KNIFE WITH BUTTER AND PEANUT BUTTER ON. What a plonker!!! Anyway her indoors cut four more slices , toasted them and waited for him to come back. She gave him his coffee and asked what he was having for breakfast. First it was cereals, then perhaps a slice of toast with fresh fruit etc. Eventually after the four innocent dogs had had their pate on toast he decided that's what he would have..... But with peanut butter. You know, just a little bit like the book said.  She turned round on him and bit so hard I was down right proud of her. DO U REALLY THINK I HAVEN'T SEEN THE BUTTER KNIFE? DO U REALLY THINK I AM THAT STUPID etc. and the best bit was about him blaming the poor defenceless little puppy dogs that couldn't defend themselves from charges of stealing etc. He got all huffy and said that dogs shouldn't steal, and she told him it was all his fault for leaving the toast where it was nose height etc etc etc. Nice one mum! Wonder how much he will at s to take the heat off next time, but I must remember to eat or lick up all the evidence next time. Good luckTroll, think you might need it. Cool runnings Gryff

Troll with PMT STEALS OUR DINNER!

Www. The adventures of Gryff. About two tears ago our dear (as in bloody expensive) warty troll was diagnosed with Diabetes .... And yesterday, all his miss spent time, chocolate and alcohol tasting caught up with him.  His last two serious tests, spaced three months apart have been failed miserably. The last but one, on her indoors instructions, he came clean about. The multi packets of Mars, Marathons,  Picnics and CDM's were admitted to, as was the crates of energy drinks and alcohol , so a reprieve of three months was instated by the powers that be, providing he behaved..... Which of course he did for about 48 hours !!! Then as the last test came due, he behaved for another 24 hours on the basis he wouldn't be caught.....WRONG! The sugar had gone up even more... And now it is official, HE HAS OLD AGE WARTY FOUR TOED TROLL DIABETES. Have u ever seen a Troll in a temper, denial, and throwing his toys out of the ancestral pit? Not to mention the roaring of rude sayings and short sharp words, most of them beginning with a letter F or S. Not a pretty sight! Anyway after collecting all his blood letting kit etc the absolute darling of a nurse also informed him that his Cholesterol was too high.....  More expletives, which being a gentleman canine I will not sully your delicate young ears with. Anyway her indoors has cleared out all the no goes and replaced them with half of this, a little bit of that, and loaded mouse traps on anything she should know about. Unfortunately, she forgot to load both our black pudding and our bio yogurts, or rather she thought they would be safe as they were on our menu for another moonlit canine picnic tonight. Now consider the fact that there are two fridges in this kennel, one ours one theirs and these items were definately in OUR FRDGE!!! Anyway her indoors cooked our herby pasta with fresh meat in and went to get the black pudding to cut it up and add with some gravy and the odd bit of kibble. (She says its too hot for herby potatoes... Our all time favourite) when she notices part of the BP has been hacked off and has disappeared. Then she notices our yogurt has gone missing! All I can say is now there is a bad tempered troll missing, and the hole that I spent hours digging overnight is now filled in and flattened off. Well done doggy team, excellent work, and her indoors.  Cool runnings Gryff

Candle lit picnic

Www. The adventures of Gryff.... We have just had a lovely candlelit evening having a doggy picnic in the cool. All day it's been muggy and hot, and her indoors must have filled our three water bowls up a dozen times each. Normally  if its  dry, about 11ish, the kettle goes on, the digestive biscuits come out,  and we all adjourn to the patio table. Infact since her indoors stopped working, it's become quite a tradition. Today it was cooler  on the kitchen tiles,  and even after our early morning walk we were all a bit warm, so she made us chill out all day. Got to say tea was a bit of ok. Usually we are outdoors and don't smell it cooking, but today we could smell it and it was driving us crackers. Anyway it was decided we could all have our tea outdoors which was great. Got to say we really got her going with all the bowl swopping. She just couldn't keep up with us. Merlins bowls got tablets  in, Asti has different biscuits, I get more than everybody else cause she says I'm a skinny bag of bones, Freya h as less biscuits and more pasta etc etc. infact I'm suprsed she remembers it all ( bit of old age dementia now and then). Anyway she called  time and we all had to crash and sleep it off. By the time we woke up  she'd got the candles burning and a book out and peace reigned. By about ten the kettle went on and after a bit of cajoling we got her to get the biscuits out. Our missing  morning biscuits which were now eleven hours late. Got say I think evening picnics are brill. A few special treats, a snooze, a bit of a game and then out with the biscuits. What more can we ask for. Anyway now it's time to blow out the candles and head for our baskets. On second thoughts, I think I will open the baby gate and let Freya and Asti upstairs..... Why should the troll have a bed to himself??? Merlin Ghostie and me, we'll we will stay on the cool tiles and look after Lace. You just never know when there's a cat coming through the window.....Cool runnings Gryff