Enjoying retirement to the full.....

Those of you that follow me on the blogg...www.the adventures of Gryff , will be aware that during the summer we had a huge Berner family BarkBQ to celebrate Merlin, our boss dogs retirement, and to christen Freyas two pups Chaos and Havoc....(Asti and Lace).  Well now it's time to update you on Merlins peaceful quiet retired lifestyle...NOT! That dog has more social engagements than the Queen and her royal corgis. First of all, he still insists on coming to work at least three days a week.wouldnt be so bad but he is still on full salary, never mind a pension.... Sausages, sausage rolls pasties, you name it he still draws it. And how exactly am I supposed to keep the two legs under control when I have him looking over my paw all the time? I know I winged earlier on about everybody expecting too much from me, but sorting out two legs isn't exactly bone science is it? I mean any canine can do it with two paws tied  below their tail. . Add to that he regularly decides he wants to B&B ( bone and biscuit) at auntie Jackies over night,  just so he can take romantic walks with Flo down the lane in the dark.... I know what he's up to! If I were Dexter or Rob, I would soon put a stop to that. He gets massages, special treats, pâté for tea AND breakfast and then comes ambling into work with this great big grin all over his bone shoot! He needs to remember you only retire if you are getting old.... He could well give himself a heart attack, behaving like a two year old.  Then , yesterday my old mate Bryn brought his two legs over to see me, and blow me if he doesn't invite  himself for another weeks holiday with them. I mean it's only a few weeks ago he got back from there, giving me grief about loosing the family silver! (you will have to read the blogg) . I mean seriously, he has the cheek of a feline! Just because he is tall, handsome, well mannered, does as he is told (when it suits) and can gets away with murder, everybody thinks he is marvellous. I mean they even call him The Hoff. More like The Huff if you ask me!  He swans off leaving me to deal with the Troll, Havoc and Chaos, looking after the girls, work and a jellied white gsd. Sounds to me as though I need to check my holiday allowance and start taking a bit of time off.  I bet as we speak, he is being fed liver cake off a silver dog bowl, lying on a settee, being stroked and waited on paw and foot!  Oh well , all I can say is..... If you have it, Flaunt it! Enjoy yourself mate, and roll on my retirement, I can't wait!!!! Cool runnings Gryff

Herpetologist required.... And no that's not naughty!!!!!

Who says Bernese can't use long words and know what they mean? Ok we might not be the fastest or the showiest looking, but BONES we are the best. Well do you know what a herpetologist is..... Any offers??? Well it's a vet with a special interest in things like Tortoise, snakes , lizards and other reptiles. And right now one of my Bernese mates is in the poop past his proverbial eyes because of one.... A tortoise that is. Now as you probably know, us Berners can sometimes become absolutely fixated on something we want and can't have, somewhere we want to go and shouldn't... Well you know what I mean, and he has done both, and is now in debt past every paw and sinking fast. To say his bone and biscuit allowance is spent for about the next twenty years is most definately an understatement. The total bernerbrain decided that he would practice his burglary skills and break into the tortoise corral and see exactly what you did with them! High fences, bolts, below floor fencing he got past the lot and  found a tortoise!!! Thing is what do you do with one when you get it? Any sensible dog would perhaps roll it over, decide it smelt a little off and wander off and leave it. Not my mate, he decides he wants to know what's inside the hard bit... And starts chewing the shell. Now don't get all stressed, it has a happy ending... Apart from the four figure bill at the vets that is. Old torty survived after a great deal of specialised care, and is now to be fitted with a fibreglass based replacement shell and should live a long and happy life now. I suppose it could have been worse if the dog had swallowed a lump of shell and needed treatment too..... But what a wally ? Bet he will be in the DOG HOUSE for at least a month, and it's going to take an awful lot of plate licking and guard dogging to pay the two legs back. Moral of the story...... Us Berners are brighter and more determined than you think. Cute cuddly and extremely handsome, but we have brains and tenacity too. Just when you think you have us sorted............. Cool runnings Gryff

Oh so brave my little big sister

If you are up to speed you will know that I am currently black listing a certain cat for picking on my cat who we call Misscat. Awfull lot of cats in that sentance, but never mind. Well the other day while I was busy at work, Misscat decided that she would take a gentle stroll out with Freya, my diminutive big Berner sister. Now since  Freya had her pups, her protective instincts have gone off the Richter scale.... Good job because otherwise we would probably have lost our cat AGAIN. Being of the smart .... Obedient , bone wouldn't melt in the bone shoot side of the family, Freya spends most of her walks off lead, talking to all and sundry, with a little lady like sniff here, a sniff there, and a sniff everywhere when around the corner trots this JR with attitude. It took one look at Misscat and thought PLAYTIME.  What he didn't see was her right royal ladyship , but unfortunately for him , she saw him. JR hits the as peddle and aims straight at Misscat who is totally oblivious to what is about to happen, as Freya hits overdrive with body inflation and aims straight at the JR. Because of the distance Freya got to the cat a split second before the JR, and just as he starts to open his jaws, he realises that the diminuative cream cat he thought he saw has morphed into this huge tri colour canine, with a smile that would scare jaws. He slides to a halt, stopping just under her chin, and very very carefully looks up into the face of death. Not a word was spoken, but he quietly and reverently reversed a few steps then turned and ran like the bones of Hell were chasing him.Just

 goes to prove that you can't always believe what your eyes tell you....  Usual case, big dogs fault, poor defenceless JR. Blah blah blah.  Well we all thought she did a mega job, and they couldn't even say she used bad language because she never said a word. Of course now the whole dog walk knows because her mate the sheepdog thing saw it all, and it's owner was having trouble staying upright because she was laughing so much.  Misscat now stays in at night, although that could be the nights drawing in, and basically walks either under Freya's head, body or tail. Just depends on what she's doing at that particular second. Anyway better get back to work, got a bit of catching up on the health Berner site to do, one of the terrorist pups as hurt her back leg so got to take her to the vets tonight and It's PRECIPITATING PROFUSELY , peeing it down to you and me, so the floors walls and every mechanical item in the kitchen and dog room need wiping down again. Between you and me, I am seriously thinking about re christening the pups CHAOS and MAHEM. Be more in keeping with their behaviour. I reckon they were trained by the Taliban, or one of the black ops forces like the SAS or DELTA force.   I know, it was the SBS, Special Bernese Service..... That explains why Lacey jumped in the river the other day...... Stay well everybody, especially you dogs under the vet. Cool runnings Gryff