COUNTER espionage

Www. The adventures of Gryff.    This is my second Christmas and the first one for the terrorists who between them have been little @@@@'s. There's been wrapping paper everywhere, toys lying around to fall over, and muddy paw prints up to the ceiling. All of which us big dogs have got in trouble for. SUPRISE.  Yesterday her indoors took us out along the river with about ten of our doggy mates to try and wear them out. I wish! Came home, had their elevenses curled up and went to sleep.YES RESULT! Dinner can start being cooked. The Troll only eats green or red meat so it was beef on the menu with all the trimmings, and after letting it stand, her indoors decided to carve the lot ready for boxing day aswell. Off we all went with our bowls piled up to enjoy Xmas dinner, and then it's our turn to sleep off  the day. Bliss! But what nobody had allowed for was the terrorists waking up first. Her indoors walked into the kitchen with a pile of dirty plates to find the tin foil off the joint on the floor and the rest of the meat gone. Who says that some genes don't come down thro the lines. Freya their mum is the thief who does all the stunts for Mission Impossible and they are as good as she is now with the addition of a few extra inches. To say they have screwed up dinner for boxing day is an understatement. The only good bit to come out of this s that I happen to know that here's a piece of pork in the freezer......... In case of accidents lol. Hope you all had a good one. Cool runnings Gryff

The Troll does TV.

Www.the adventures of Gryff.  Well folks, guess who's pet troll is on tv then???? Bet you never thought that I would have mine showing off on tv...but  I have. Any of you seen the new advert for a certain cough remedy where the bloke  goes into work with a cough... Well the troll on his back is mine. Think it must have been filmed before he had his toe done , and then again maybe not, because that might be why he is being  carried in.... Good looking chap isn't he? For a troll that is!   Anybody know who owns the one in the previous advert , although I don't think that one is quite as green and warty as mine. Perhaps its the start of a real career in film for him. Just think Troll Bond or Mission TRollpossible, makes you wonder.
Beginning to get the hang  of this Christmas thing now, work is busy, and her indoors is busy cooking up lots of goodies for us. This morning we had savoury porridge with Tuna, it was AWESOME. Then yesterday we had  all roast veg meat  and gravy, and tonight it was black pudding  with five veg and pasta. You would think we would all be putting weight in but Merlin has lost some more and is looking really svelt.... Then of course he is wandering around wearing Tinsel with a large lump of Mistletoe between his ears. Thinks he's Romeo or some such I should think. That and we have started receiving some goodies from the customers as presents. We all put our paws together and decided that the bulk of them will go to a certain canine rescue place for the guests... Wish we could have a few to stay and make them smile. All we can do is our best. Think that pasta is catching up with me, beginning to feel a bit tired.... Think I will curl up in a quiet corner for a few ZZZZZZ's. See you soon... Cool runnings Gryff

He didn't pay me enough....

Www. The adventures of Gryff.... Well he didn't pay me enough so here goes all the trolls secrets lol. The last four weeks or so the troll has been swinging it big time. No housework, no driving, no standing, just bed couch rest, tv, computer, zzzzzz's etc while us Berners have been working six day weeks, washing drying ironing shopping, dragging her indoors out for walks, and generally picking up all the slack. Until Saturday that is!! Her indoors managed to get us home a little early, just in time to follow the trolls car as it turned into the drive! oops! The hospital had said he could drive but he was working on the not well enough to go out, No housework route! swinging it basically. Now needless to say her indoors was not happy, having had various friends help ,feed him if we weren't there and generally help him out. The discussion that took place, I won't repeat but sufficient to say HE LOST! Anyway it was agreed that he should help with the shopping Sunday morning and the sun came up on a poor frail ageing troll who could hardly put his weight on his crutches let alone hop around a supermarket. TUFF!!! He was dropped at the front door while the car was parked, bags readied and the list read. By the time her indoors got to the door he had managed about ten steps. Now being a caring and compassionate creature with us, her indoors told him to stop messing around and get on, and finally being totally embarrassed by his poking one lady with a crutch, and lifting another's skirt she abandoned him to his own devices. Worse was to come... He managed to clear a shelf of very expensive whiskey with the top end of a crutch. I know don't ask!! Add to that the bill being exactly double what we had spent the week before and you would think she would say never again. NOT OUR TWO LEGS! He is now that deep in the proverbial poo that a mine rescue squad with blood hounds wouldn't find him. He is now expected to do all light jobs and he will be driving himself and his pawly left foot in his automatic right footed car that appears to have put on a number of miles in the last four weeks to his next hospital appointment. He now does our pate on toast, while standing on one leg (in case we catch his bad foot) as with the washing up etc. And a great time is had by us all getting so close but never actually touching the offending digit.  So the moral of this is.... DO NOT TAKE THE P@@@ out of Bernese mountain dog because it will catch up with you. Cool runnings Gryff

It's definately DISCRIMINATION

Www. The adventures of Gryff.   It's most definitely discrimination against us boys. Those girls get treated like princesses all the time. None muddy walks, coming home with  clean paws.  Fresh warm blankets. China pots and bowls, and most of all, sleeping on the Trolls huge grreat bbiiigggg bed. And what do us blokes get.... Muddy walks, so we get the blame for the floors being mucky. Plastic bowls that slide around making a load of noise and that get chewed by the terrorists  (for which we get the blame)  We never get to go on THE BED although we do sometimes get on the other one but that's our secret! And then, blow me if her indoors decides to have a home cooking session with the girls. Off they went without us blokes, and bought all the bits they like. Cauli, broccoli , all the ends off the cooked meat counter, pasta, stuffing etc. shoved it all in the oven and came up with twenty meals for about eight quid... Plus biscuits of course. Now Ghostie and I would have chosen steak , turkey  or even sausages with all the trimmings. Roasties, gravy and all the good bits, not this healthy eating thing. Next thing we know it will be rabbit food and our noses will twitch. AND, AND those little hooligans pinched both of Ghosties rugs, got them all wet in the water bowl and didn't get told off.... I mean when I was little I know I got told off for that. It wasn't my fault that he was still sat on them when I had an accident... I was only little!  Anyway they just went straight in the washing machine. Do u realise that we got dragged out in the freezing cold with NO SNOW for an hour or more. Those little perishers only went out for twenty minutes... And don't tell me it's because they are little. Seven months old and they are bigger than their mum and Tizzy Tartlet. Oh and the heating was on when they came through the door. .... Told you , it's discrimination.  It's us against them definitely .... It's a war of the sexes. The Trolls no good either.... He's down right dangerous with the crutches. Shouldn't tell u really but, he got caught out on Saturday afternoon, just getting out of his car by her indoors. She was not happy and said if he was well enough to go out in the car he could help with the shopping...OOPS! Tell you about that next time..Cool runnings Gryff (unless he pays me not too)

A DOG IS FOR LIFE! NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS

Www. The adventures of Gryff....It's getting that time of year again folks.... The puppy farms are on overtime aswell as Santas Bernese helpers. The weather is cold, the crates or cages are cold and have no blankets. The water bowls are frozen and the mums are Just Bags of Bones from feeding the pups.How many people this year will be buying heartbreak and tears for Christmas? I spent all day yesterday wishing for snow, not food or a drink, and now I realise just how lucky I and most Bernese actually are. We are treated as fur babies.... Spoilt rotten in most cases, living in warm houses, regular meals, water we can always drink. Walks and games for the asking of, and safe in the knowledge that for most of us, our lives will stay like that until we cross the rainbow bridge.  What about the dogs living rough on the streets with their owners who don't have a home? What about the strays who can't remember the last time they had a proper meal. The dogs living in runs in rescue kennels, who will spend christmas alone and uncuddled. To most people they are the lucky ones! And then in the new year, the already full rescue centres will be buried under thousands of unwanted pets. Just think that could be you... Just a thought, but when you do your list to Santa Paws, why don't you ask for your gifts to go to one of those less fortunate dogs.  If you  are so much loved, just spare a thought for a dog that needs a home, or a proper meal, and do something about it. We will still have our special day, just being with our two legs...... Let them have one too. Cool runnings Gryff

So near yet so far....WHERE'S MINE?

Www. The adventures of Gryff.  If one more person  comes through that door and tells me it's snowing enough to shut Stansted and Luton airports, I will probably bite their bums! Where s my snow, I want it and I want it NOW! It's on paws book, it's in the pictures, everybody is talking about it, and all I've got  is a cold wind blowing my ears about. It's just not fair! The last time I saw snow I was three months old... they even sat me in Merlins Ferrari Red santas sleigh and took pictures of me in it.... So where in bones name is mine.! A few minutes ago, her indoors thought she saw a snowflake but no....it was some feather floating around. I am so fed up!!! No carting on Sunday, Merlin got the girl on Sunday and now no snow. Add to that he's gone off on holiday to pumpkin and pork, probably rabbit or liver cake and all I get is carrots and biscuits.  There are definately times when being a Berner is difficult. Last night I was doing my best to look after everybody on our walk in the dark when this farm dog kicks off barking. He must have been five miles away but no all the girls go running back to the van and jump in squeaking and shaking. Like I can't do Merlins job while  he's ON HOLIDAY AGAIN! Think I am going to resign. Let them all look after themselves, and I will go and curl up on Her indoors bed and go to sleep.... Except of course there's either Fatcat or Slice n dice already up there giving it zzzzzzzzzzz's. Just give me a text if anything changes. Yours truly is off to sleep. Cool runnings from a fed up  Gryff

Where have all the Bernese gone????

Www.the adventures of Gryff.  Well where were you all yesterday????? Me and my mates went all the way to Louth and not a Bernese in sight!!! The two legs checked the club site and it was still listed, but not a cart to be seen anywhere.  Now if it had been last year I would have understood it. It did nothing but pour with rain all day, but this year it was a lovely day for wearing a Berner coat. Then to add insult to injury there were poodles, labs, pointy nosed handbag jobs, wolfhounds  , non specific breeds (mutts to u and me... And nice ones they were too ) and this gorgeous St Bernard with paws that went all the way up to her tail. Now she was  lovely... Miss Daisy is her name, and she has a pub called The White Hart in Louth where ALL DOGS ARE WELCOME. Been a long time since Merlins moved that fast I'll tell you, even beat me to the lady. Think she must be the mothering kind because she seemed to spend more time talking to the pups than worrying about us guys..... But then again if you have it why bother flaunting it, it's there for all to see.  Anyway we all had a good wander around , a sniff at the meat and cheese stalls, listened to the brass band and all that, sang along with the odd carol, and talked to all the people who stopped us and asked where the carts were this year. Then we headed home for a good old fashioned Sunday dinner. Roast pork, roasties, yorkshires, swede,Brussels , cauli, broccoli, roast carrots and parsnips.... Now that's what I call a dinner, oh and gravy too. While it was all cooking , uncle Rob , Merlin and I took the sleigh out for an airing ( has wheels and runners. We were going to take around Louth like last year but no go). Typical Merlin, being a veteran wore himself out so I ended up doing most of the pulling , but Hey Ho! Her indoors , has banned the troll from being in the same room as us with his bad foot. He thinks it's the other way around but he's wrong. She says he's not going to tell us off if we jump on it like he does he cat when she gets on his bed... Like she can see it under the covers! But he did come unstuck yesterday afternoon. He went ferriting in the fridge after he had been told a couple of times not to be in the kitchen, and it was booby trapped. He opened the door, and this fresh cream sponge cake jumped out at him and landed on the floor. Think it's fair to say Madam Two Legs was a bit ticked with him, and she gave it to him for afters in the state it was.  The rest of us excluding AJ had fruit pie, with the options of scones, or chocolate cake.... Tuff being a troll!!!! Should have behaved himself.... No sympathy if you ask me! Then just because we had a younger guest, he put on Transformers and some Christmas film about The Last Journey. Like they weren't for him and Uncle Rob to watch! An

Peace perfect peace

Www. The adventures of Gryff....Well, I don't know about you, but I am totally @@@@@ off with this rain, the wind, the drifts of water that stretch as far as the eye can see, and i can't help worrying  if my swimming is good enough should the river at the back of the residence burst it's banks (as looks quite likely.) Add to that the fact that I couldn't go carting last night because it's fitted with wheels and not floats , and it's not designed to hover over water , and life is getting very boring. My mate  Dexter did text and suggest a fondue sausage evening so perhaps that will brighten up today! It's also making all the two legs short tempered and grizzly..... Anybody else noticed it? Well it's either that or making sure the bone and biscuit account balances. Life in general is being pretty rough on a lot of folks at the moment. Even the terrorists seem to be affected...they are behaving themselves!!! I mean they really are being good. Only thing I can think of is they are planning something for later on in the week, heaven only knows what but its bound to be a goodie! I thought with this wind they would go all scatty like they do, but no, they are still doing ok. Getting a bit fed up with seeing Lace carrying her teddy bear around all the time but they are only pups. It's funny really, they are chalk and cheese, in looks temperament and  plotting and scheming . What one doesn't think of the other does, and what one hasn't done, the other already has. I know, I bet the Troll scared them the other day. All that crockery and stuff falling off the draining board and then him trying to set fire to the kitchen has made them behave. Mind you it didn't stop them counter surfing Saturday night. A big bowl full of kebab and chips went missing...  and Miss Freya wasn't in the room so there you go, they  are fine so I can stop worrying over them. All I can say canines, is hang in there. Give your two legs as much love and support as you can, and try not to be upset if they don't notice. It's not that they don't love you, it's just they are struggling. Cool runnings Gryff

Troll at Work.... Call te Fire Brigade!

Www. the adventures of Gryff...     Now I personally can see exactly why someone would go to sleep watching the F1 channel on the TV. ...except of course for the noise . They go round and round and the commentators go on and on and to put it bluntly IT'S BORING. If the Troll wants speed and excitement, well he can take us out .... Either walking or carting and he will even get the mud ! Anyway last night, us working dogs got home a bit early to a house in darkness except for the tv in the sitting room. The old trout has a habit of getting out the van, and opening both end doors of the dog room so we can all go flying thro and straight out on to the garden. (for that read no puppy accidents on the way in) . Anyway out we all come and into the dog room, to come to a halt by the back door. Now straight away we knew something was wrong and so did she.  She opened the door into the house to be met by smoke and chaos. The Troll has only put on our big saucepan full of pasta and goodies.... One of those expensive copper bottomed jobbies and let it boil dry. By this time her indoors is trying to throw us all outside, trying to open windows , shut the cooker off, run the cold tap for the saucepan and have a coughing fit at the same time. It's amazing how many things a female two legs can do at once when under pressure . No sign of the troll anywhere!!! Now I would say that her indoors is of a reasonable disposition , but by the time she had cleared up she had turned into that three headed dog out of Harry Potter. You know that real bad tempered one!  The troll is  only snoring his head off in the sitting room. Think its fair to say that the troll got severely savaged at least three times, and what she said would happen to him if any of us were bad because of it, I am just not willing to repeat. Sufficient to say, we were told to go and dig the biggest hole at the bottom of the garden as she would be filling it in herself! And then just for good measure she informed him that the saucepan was totally ruined and if he thought Santa Paws would bring a new one for Xmas then he needed to think again. Funny that...... She must think trolls are so predictable . And before you say anything Nanny Broels, it's as true as I can wag my tail, ask aunty Jackie...HONEST. He really is dicing with death at the moment. Cool runnings Gryff

Danger.... Troll at work!

Www. The adventures of Gryff. Have  you ever noticed that when there is something going on, the sign always says Men At Work, and the area that is deemed safe around them is at least four times more than you think they should need? Believe me ,when I have paused to decorate their signs, along with Dexter and Merlin, it has frequently crossed our handsome intelligent Berner minds. Well now I understand why!  I know us Berners are incredibly domesticated and house proud.... Especially us guys. We walk in after you two legs have dragged us out, and we can decorate the walls the floors, doors, fridge, cooker and tiled walls with just a couple of flicks of our tails, or my personal favourite the belly roll.... That's the one where the shake starts at the tail and moves up the body  on its way to the head , when every bit is  moving simultaneously until our eyes go pop. ..... And we can decorate the walls floors and ceiling in one easy go! Well anyway, I digress.... Last night the troll decided he would attempt the washing up... Bless his little green nobbly heart, and he did a good job of half of it. Not as good as us mind you, because when we've finished our bowls you can put them straight away.... In fact why do you wash them again?  His problem appeared to be the stacking  system on the draining board ( as per picture attached) there just wasn't enough room to wash the rest of the bowls and pots, and this was when we all decided that in this case , we were more inclined to say six times the working space around them was a safe distance , especially when we saw the odd tremor at the base of the pile.  So if ever your troll gets into DIY or housework, please allow them adequate time and space , and don't forget the sign that says BEWARE TROLLS AT WORK. Cool runnings Gryff

It's raining, it's pouring, and Merlin is a snoring....

Www. The adventures of Gryff. OK  now I came into the household on the basis that I am a snow dog.... And all I am getting is rain. Verticle rain, horizontal rain, pouring rain, windy rain, just RAIN and I am totally brassed off with it. All I hear is excuses as to why I should drag myself out in the pouring rain to have a walk, when all that's going to happen is I will get back wet cold and covered in mud and be banned to the dog room or the kitchen. I don't care that all the other dogs are in the same boat (and you can take that literally if you want) I want my tv, my settee and my cream carpet. Last night I even had to sleep downstairs on towels and old covers so I could dry out from yesterday. This morning, the old battle axe dragged five of us out down the lane thinking we would enjoy ourselves..... What planet does she live on??? She's got an outside coat on, and paw covers. She doesn't get mud between her pads and get moaned at for chewing a paw, and as for the girls , they are mega in the hump! All I hear from them is that their fur has gone all curly and they look more like poodles that Berners. Personally I still think that they look cute, but what male in his right mind would argue with four females ? I want snow, deep deep snow, all crisp and white with deep bits you can jump into without touching the bottom just like I keep seeing on FB. I want to do sliding stops, and make the snow fly in the air like skiers do on corners. I want to do snow ploughs with my nose, and roll over and over and come up all white and sparkly..... And what do I get..... RAIN. And I hate it when my ears go all fluffy and fuzzy, cause it pulls when we have them brushed. It's alright for her indoors and AJ, they both have long hair which they tie up and put a hat over.... Where's my hat. Even the Troll gets away With a hat, and he's got about three hairs on his head. That's it.... Decision made.... Putting in a transfer request...... Anywhere dry with lots of snow.....all offers will be considered. Cool runnings Gryff

P.s. hope all you Newfies and water spaniels are having a great time. Webbed feet indeed!!

The Troll does Traction

Www. The adventures of Gryff. Guess what???? The Troll is going to have one of his big green toes seen to by the blacksmith or some other bod and will be in plaster for six weeks. Six weeks for a toe!!! Now I have heard she who must be obeyed mutter more than once about MAN FLU when he has sneezed and thought he had triple pneumonia with complications and a temperature of 1000 degrees, so what he will be like for this is anybodies guess. Trolls are notorious for being delicate and temperamental.... ( read strong as an ox and never ill, and bloody minded and stubborn for that)  so she has already removed all bells, hooters and claxons and the tv, sky , and anytime remote controls to her safe custody. That way he can't park his delicate green butt infront of the tv and expect us all to run around after him. Her indoors reckons that being of a DELICATE CONSTITUTION, anything and everything will be our fault.!  From the beer can we wag off the coffee table to the fact that the contents have either evaporated or been stolen by a drunken BMD who is sleeping it off under the stairs..... The fact that the TV will blatantly ignore the commands given by the controller and delete the motor racing or football that he videoed to watch later on, to the fact that his body is hot and his toe is cold and that the central heating is quite obviously NOT WORKING PROPERLY.  He even suggested that rather than work six days a week, look after all us dogs, and keep the house, she consider going on line to do the shopping at a certain shop that delivers to the house.DDDUUURRRHHHHH!!!. That of course is after all the washing etc is done, the windows cleaned (he cancelled the window cleaning troll because is was forecast to rain) us little treasures are walked, brushed, and fed..... Etc etc etc. Personally I am going to jump into one of our many and varied baskets, put a tin hat on my head, (remind me to cut two holes in Ghosties for his ears to stick through, being a gsd) and keep a very very low profile...... Anybody want seven lodgers for six weeks??? We promise to behave.... Cool runnings Gryff


We could always run off with his crutches........

Learner Driver

Www.the adventures of Gryff.     Guess whose got his L plates at last?.. me me me. At long last I am now old enough to start my driving lessons. Personally I think I have been big enough to have a go for ages, but the old battle axe indoors wouldn't let me.  If you ask me she was panicking that I would want my own wheels....WHICH I DO.( Guess I will have to do a letter to Santa Paws cause he was quite good last year. ) Any way uncle Rob and Merlin decided they would take me out under Dual Control, Merlin and I doubled up in the cart and uncle Rob my side so one or other could hit the brakes if we (meaning me) got in trouble. The cart was all lit up because it gets dark so early, and off we went. It was AWESOME, but they are just so slow, the pair of them. I know I have to allow a little bit for age, Merlin is nine, and uncle Rob s that old I don't have enough paws to count on, but really I ask you? It's a wonder I didn't catch a cold.  They were both whittling about  kiddie boy racers, and dignity and looking the part..... Where's the speed merchant in them? We all watch the motor racing, the speeds they go at. .... And we all wish we could have a go....but why do they go round and round in circles? What's the point of not going anywhere for hours at a time? I know when the Trolls got his snout in the tv, he's jumping up and down, muttering threats at cars he doesn't like and then he accuses some of them of cheating because they have bits they shouldn't have.... He gets really up tight. The only thing that makes him worse is football and rugby. He never ever agrees with the ref or the linesman, or even for that matter the commentator.  Anyway when I get my cart I am going to go where I want, at the speed I want, and everybody will just have to keep up with me. Merlin says there's a lot of good looking girls at the carting, so I would be better to go steady and look good instead...well I have plenty of time..... But one place I do want to go is Louth, Lincs the first Sunday in December. There's a big Christmas market on the Sunday, and a load of Bernese go. It's supposed to be really good. Hot pasties, sausage rolls beef burgers... Excellent! This will be my first one and I can't wait.  P.S had porridge with fresh fruit and bits for breakfast to build me up for my wheels. It was gorgeous, you want to try it, the recipe is n Dogs Dinner. Cool runnings Gryff

Lady in Red

Www. The adventures of Gryff.  Now being a young up and coming talent, I personally don't remember a two legs call Chris De Burgh.... Infact I'm not even sure I've spelt it right.... way before my time, but apparently he used to sing this song...Lady in Red. Now those of you that follow my diary will know that Tizzy Tartlett ( big sis Theia) is a bit of a hussy where fellas are concerned, and what's more she is very very good at it! The other day she was out and about with a two legs, and he asked someone to get her some HAM as a special treat. Cheeky little mare turned her nose up at it, sent it round for us puppy plebs and promptly ordered some sliced chicken breast . What's more she got it, and then got taken out for a pub lunch into the bargain ...... If I could bottle what she has, I would be one very rich BMD.!! Anyway, now she's decided to set her sights at a married man! I personally think its too bad of her. She already has the Troll, uncle Steve , uncle Dick and uncle Julian on extending leads, that come running when ever she does a recall, and now she's  chasing a married man with a Bernese of his own..... I think that's terrible, and, she decided to dress herself up in red and lounge all over his settee for when he came home...... What a hussy. Bet she gets her man again, oh and she's learnt to dance, to make sure he can't say NO.  I think her indoors needs to talk to her..... Just because she's pretty and has those great big brown eyes, she gets away with murder....Cool runnings Gryff

al - CAT -raz

Having spent most of the day , not so quietly laughing at the huge losses the Troll had suffered, we got the shock of our delicate Berner lives when we got home...... We pulled in and these enormous spot lights  pinned the van to the drive, she who must be obeyed got out and this voice demanded.... WHO IS IT. .? Looking around she couldn't see a thing because of the search lights, when SLICE N DICE strutted around the front of the van, tail up and looking real officious. Now SLICE N DICE is called that for that one reason..... You do not, ever, never, mix it with this cat. Bigger dogs than us have been found half buried or worse with a sign on the top that says..... Here lies a dog that didn't listen! Had to have a look, and got way way too close. Signed this day (pick a date)  SLICE N DICE. Anyway, seeing who it was, her indoors was allowed to open our door and we all ran to the house door as normal.... But there we ran into trouble again. The Troll was standing there with it open enough to allow one dog through at a time.... We all had to be patted  down and searched and when we got through the door, we saw that the cell block , always empty,was now full of Bernese mountain dogs. OH @@@@! All the dogs connected with the theft of the toasted cheese butties were in prison! Walking up and down, and over the tops of them was MISSCAT. She even had one of those tall whicker cat baskets on the top so she looked like a guard in the great escape in one of the towers. At the kitchen door infront of our bowls, was FATCAT. Now Fatcat is not the brightest  kitty in the litter, but what he lacks in brains he more than makes up for in size.  The puppy's were three months old before they dare look him in the eye,  and that was when they were standing on the step and he was  on the floor, he still weighed more than them then!!!  So we knew we were in for a rough ride, and that was without the troll who was still fur searching those still not allowed in! What was worse was that our bowls were empty!!!  Fatcat kept walking around us all as we stood in a huddle looking at the table where our dinner is normally waiting for us.  Finally, the troll came in , jangling this huge bunch of keys, where he had just opened the cells and let Freya Asti and Lace out.  Don't think anybody moved until they were told to as the dinners were put infront of us one by one . ... And I don't think anybody will steal his breakfast again in a hurray.  The cats are still on patrol, and the whisper is that they get paid on Friday, with a bonus if nothing else goes missing....IN CHEESE. Cool runnings Gryff

Toasted cheese sandwich anybody??

Www.the adventures of Gryff.
As you will all probably remember, we all have to get up  early every day because those of us at work leave really early. . To help us on our way, we all have a proper breakfast about 5am (yes there are two 5's in a day sleepy heads), and then when we have dragged the troll out of his pit, screaming and moaning, we bully him into toast and pâté for afters. Unfortunately for him this morning, he ran out of pâté and decided to do some cheese on toast aswell. Now normally we wouldn't say a bark, but we happened to notice a large lump of cheese, two crusts and a big thick slice of bread that didnt make it to us!!! At that point, the last call went out for all dogs boarding the last van to work. Now just for a change, us senior dogs decided....NO PUPPY'S today, which left Freya, Asti and Lace back at the ranch for the day. Just shows how sneaky trolls are, because as soon as we drove off, on went the grill and cheese and a touch of Worcester sauce.!  Anyway, after getting it off the tray and putting it on the table, something or SOMEONE !!!! Caught his eye and he turned his back on the table for a split second.  Now as you know Freya is an incredibly flexible pole dancer, in that she can have her body in one place and her teeth in another. It appears her two daughters have inherited the skill too.  Lace jumped up and snatched a slice of toast, and as the troll went to grab it, Freya jumped up  and grabbed another one, and while he was chasing both around the kitchen, Asti grabbed  the other slice and did a runner too...... I would love to have been there to see them all running rings around him, it must have been so funny. When he rang up to tell she who must be obeyed,  looking for some sympathy, all she could do was lean on the counter with tears running down her face. What made it worse was that was the end of the loaf, and there wasn't any more in the freezer.... Oooops! And then to make things worse, she told the girls when they came to work, and then rang him up, to wind him up!!! All I can say is THERE IS A CANINE ALPHA DOG IN THIS WORLD.... What goes around comes around, especially our toast. Cool runnings Gryff

It's my birthday.... And thanku

Yesterday the 2nd was my birthday, and it was AWSOME. Thank you to everybody for all my presents, my cards, and the greetings on FB. I even got to be top of the page for the day. An especial thanku to my mate Bryn for the two birthday cakes,one for us and one for the two legs, and to Saxon my brother who made the day by sharing it with me. It was a wonderful afternoon party , and then off out with AJ and uncle Rob..... What more can a dog ask for? Cool runnings Gryff

Halloween is MEGA

Www. The adventures of Gryff. It was absolutely brill last night even tho it rained. There were huge great big skulls in the windows, Merlin went out as a Mummy (or should that be Daddy.?) and I should have  been a vampire but I was too excited to stand still long enough to get dressed. We got loads of sweets for the kids.....  And then when they went to bed we went out flying. Don't know why I worried about my butt.... You sit on a broomstick and it sort of moulds around you to fit and then a safety belt sort of pops out and around you to keep u safe. You should have seen the girls, luscious lime lipstick or Baltic blue to match their hair, nails six inches long, pointy hats and pointy shoes with great big heels, it's amazing. Then there must have been hundreds of them flying around in this circle , going faster and faster till all the turbo chargers kicked in and they all started shooting off in different directions  just like a Catherine wheel in the sky.  And then there was the drag racing, and the humpi bumpi thing, when they all went as high in the sky as they could and raced down to te fields as fast as they could through and over obstacles just like an agility course. Got to admit AJ was a bit more sensible, but that was because she had Merlin as her co pilot. Did wonder if she would get off the ground at one stage. There's not a lot of her and Merlin was too much of a counter balance. In the end she went off in reverse and turned it round when she'd got a bit of height. Clever !!! Do you know what speeds those things get up too? It pins your ears to the side of your face, and you can feel your jowls flapping in the wind, and then when they go down with the turbo on, you can feel your eyes going all chinesey and your tail stuck along the line f the  beezum. AWESOME. Anyway I can't wait till next year. I can understand why they keep it all so quiet, it's brill. Everybody would want to have a go and there'd be accidents and bumps and all sorts. One thing it does do is make you hungry though. Better go and see what's for breakfast........Oh and get some of these lipstick kisses off my nose. You know last night I would have put money on it being luscious lime, but this morning it's bright pink! Cool runnings Gryff

My first Halloween.... Brill

Am I looking forward to tonight....big time. I've got it all sorted and am going to have a cracking time. Been staying a few days with boss dog Merlin at aunty Jackies...( she and she who must be obeyed are witches of the same covern) so first of all we are going out trick and treating with the little ones, basically as guard werewolves. AJ has tried to get us costumes, but no go so she says she will make us something to wear. Then it's back to the covern for a troll, witch, banshee and dwarf get together, and then Merliburles and I are going flying on broom sticks with the witches. Why should all the cats have fun, and us be left behind??? It's something we have never done before, but I noticed the other day that the ladies were sprucing up their broomsticks. You know, checking the headlights, sat nav, emissions all that kind of thing. I hope her indoors isn't in pole position, cause the terrorists chewed the top of her broom where the SAT NAV WAS, and knowing her capacityfor getting lost it would be next Halloween before we got back. ( for that read she missed Newmarket Race course by 28 miles when we were going to a show there last summer). Not quite decided on how I am going to perch on the thing.... Looks a bit narrow for my hairy butt, but no cat is going to outdo me! And if it comes to that, Merlins butt is way wider than mine. Then of course there's aunty Sarah...... Talk about lame excuses.... She broke her ankle ten days ago and it's all plastered up, well she will just have to weight the other leg to balance it off.... Trying to stay at home indeed!!! I know, they can sling one of those great big padded dog beds between four brooms , one at each corner and bones your uncle! Couple of safety belts and job done....... Look out everyone..... Here we come..... Cool runnings Gryff

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Ok... Now tell us again.... What exactly is snow?

Www.the adventures of Gryff

Well help me.... I've tried explaining but I just don't seem to be getting through to the puppy's. How exactly do you explain snow to a dog that has never seen it, even if they are really a snow dog born and bred. It's white, it's fluffy, it weighs nothing and always comes from above you. When you put your paws in it, it's kind of crunchy, but disappears to nothing when you put your paw down properly. If you sit down in it, it tickles and when you wag your tail it fans out every where. Sometimes it's really hard to see through it, but if it's at night every where seems to light up . If you try eating it, it's cold but then it's gone but you haven't actually eaten it!  Oh I give up.... Let's just leave it to the weather men, and see if we do get some on the coast. It will be the second lot for me, and the last lot was AWESOME. I know what I will do, I will look for some pictures so they can see what it looks like if nothing else. Every Bernese 's dream, snow snow snow.  In our house there tend not to be too many rules, but no 1 has and always will be....IF IT SNOWS! EVERYBODY OUT! NO MATTER WHAT TIME OF DAY  OR NIGHT IT IS. Cool runnings Gryff

Sherlock Bones..... Another case for

Www.the adventures of Gryff.

Once again the "establishment" has felt the need to call in the services of Sherlock Bones, in the perplexing case of the missing toast. Well it's either that or the Troll is surcombing to dementia!! This morning seven slices of toast were cut, cooked and left on the bread board to cool, ready for their pate. Funny that, with Freya on compassionate duties there are only six of us, but for some reason we forgot to tell him(oooops!)  that is until it came to spreading the pate. Now Freya is well known for her pole dancing, jumping up door frames and looking sexy and doe eyed until she gets her fuss from the troll as a prequel to counter surfing. She has even been known to flick the light switch off and in the confusion  do a bit of snatch and run, but today she is innocent. The lights remained on, no burglars were seen, no cats were present but the toast still disappeared. Now as Sherlock Bones says.... If you remove the improbable then what's left must be what happened!, Merlins and my manners are too good to steal toast ,(for that read not worth the agro unless it's steak) Freya is not here, Ghostie being white would have been seen and that leaves HRH Theia, who believe me doesn't do a thing for herself when the servants are about. .... And that includes removing crusts from her toast. So who does that leave????? You got it...Chaos and Havoc (aka the puppies).  Now said terrorists are well skilled at black ops, camouflage , hit and run, and in some cases torture too..... You ask Fatcat, Misscat and Slice n dice, they will put you straight on that one....SBS eat your heart out. So on that basis the terrorists must be responsible  for all items stolen and hidden from the general melee. Question is, do we give them to the cats to have their paws tickled, their ears licked till they are so soggy that they drip, or let the three cats hang on to their tails to stop them leaving for sanctuary.... All methods  previously employed in torturing the cats till they give up their biscuits to the pups. OR do we remove their slices until they return their hostage for spreading and eating? Your choice folks......Cool runnings Gryff

Localised feather showers.......

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Now I am sure that all of you will remember my two nieces born 15 th May this year, and who now are starting to look like proper Berners at last. The little treasures weigh about five stone now and are nearly level with their mum and aunty Tizz. (Theia) . Now most of you are well aware that appearances can be deceptive... And boy oh boy have they fooled the troll BIG TIME!!!! Being a creature of comfort himself, and considering the girls HOUSETRAINED, he decided to have a rootle through the ancestral pit and find two very fine red and grey soggy type baskets so ....the girls could lay back and dream Berner dreams in style. Anyway, not to put too fine a point on it..... The girls had their own plan, to decorate the kitchen overnight in a cobweb style totally in keeping with Halloween.  She who must be obeyed is always a light sleeper and came down a bit early to see what was going on to find feathers threads and anything white hanging from the cupboards, the ceiling, the light fittings, top of the doors, (of which or should I say witch there are three) infact anywhere it could get purchase. And then of course there were the smaller bits still falling like a light snow to the floor. Unfortunately as she came through the first door, the draft she generated lifted the whole lot up into the  air again and pushed it through into the utility and the dog room aswell. So the girls effectively decorated half the downstairs floor ready for Halloween . Add to that they appear to have been recording the CBBBEES at the same time and it was only going to be a matter of time before the troll got it in the neck for mega rank stupidity. Sometimes, just occaisionally I do feel sorry for him.... He did mean well!  I would think he is still tidying up, but every time someone moves the darn stuff just floats off to another corner or light fitting. ...... And more to the point, where have they hidden the tv remote??  Never been to a troll funeral, but there's always a first time...... Cool runnings Gryff

The beautiful Florence ......

As most of you will know by now, the Berner world has another beautiful angel watching over her family now. The beautiful Flo passed on Sunday at the tender age of sixteen  months, leaving her two and four legged family heartbroken and wondering why. Flo also known as Flo Jo and Florence Josephine was loving,  giving and oh so special to all given the privilege of being with her, carting showing or just strutting her stuff on a walk.  I know she had the ability to make people laugh and smile, and she loved being a working girl with all the attention that went with it. Work will never be the same without her bouncing around and her tail knocking things about. To you two legs , the pain takes over, and the tears keep coming. Something you don't expect will catch you out, and the tears start again, and again and again, you have to face telling all the people that know us what has happened, and try not to cry infront f them. It feels like your world has stopped, and nobody has an answer when you ask WHY? WHY MY DOG? All I can say to you is that every Berner is put here for a reason, to love unconditionally. If you are lucky enough to be one of the people we go to, savour every moment, take pictures of everything we do. Never be afraid to cuddle us, or cry into our fur when it feels as though your world is out of control or falling apart. That is what we are with you for. If you want us cuddling up in bed....do it. Does it matter what a dog trainer says , you need us, and we need to be there for you.  For every Berner there is a special person or family.... Someone we will never leave. Yes the body will eventually give up, but the spirit and the love remain. The memories will come and go, as will the tears for the rest of your life. But don't you see..... That's when we are closest to you.....  If you don't believe me just watch for us, watch your other dogs even ones that we never met. They will one day do something that we always did,  and you will think of us. It's the paw prints we leave on your hearts that are important, not the muddy ones on the floor that you moan about. Us Berners live life as it comes... We don't worry about tomorrow as long as we have today with you. We miss you Flo. Loved and never forgotten beautiful lady. Cool runnings Gryff xxx

Love sick and suffering.....

I am never ever going to fall in love. It makes you grouchy, hungry , bad tempered, moody and over all you just look stupid. How can a dog I have respected all my puppy life make such a spectacle of himself. FEMALES!!!!! can't live without them, and he certainly can't live with them.Talk about howling at the moon... He's not eating, he doesn't want to go out. Last night he jumped the baby gate and he's ninety for bones sake. He could have caught something important on the top or worse and then where would he be? Yes the VETS!!! First , two weeks ago it was Freya, then this week Tizzy and worst of all for him, his beloved  Florence Josephine, so he won't see her for nearly three weeks. If he carrys on like this, he will have got that thin he will have fallen through the cracks in the floor tiles. I've tried barking at him, pinching his food, running off with his chewy and nothing. He just lies by the door, with those great big sad eyes , looking a complete bonehead.!!! Well he needn't expect any more offers of help from me.... He can get on with it, the old softie. Where's his self respect? Why let three females  get you to that state. I told him..... He needn't think he is going to Bryns birthday party with that attitude. There will be all sorts of major doggie bits on the menu and he will just look at all the two legs and they will be fussing over him instead of us. I know just how good he is with females, two or four legs. Absolute master of the poor me canine. Well I feel better for that, he says I am still too young to know what it's all about. And you know what, I'm glad I am.... I LIKE MY FOOD TOO MUCH.  I like running around like a mad thing in the pouring rain, mud skiing, leaf chasing and behaving like a luni dog. Blow getting old and sensible. I am going to play forever. Cool runnings Gryff.         Www.the adventures of Gryff

Trolls Yorkshire Hotpot... For those cold rainy winter days

Now as you probably already know, we are guarded at home by one of the meanest, most bad tempered and frightening creatures , commonly known as THE TROLL. Now our particular trolls ancestral home is somewhere in Yorkshire, and his own trollet (father of a troll) is still alive..... Now when I say mean, it's not just the temper tantrums, but it also refers to their pockets. All trolls are frightened of water, because of the weight in their pockets..... They can't swim, they only sink,and  the way into their pockets to get to their loot is about the same as looking for the end of a rainbow.So when he came back with this recipe we thought it would taste awful and we would struggle to see the size of portion.  How wrong can you be..... It's total magic. In fairness, the Hoff and I left both the girls to keep an eye on him so there was no messing around, so here is the recipe.... One pumpkin about the size of a big melon £1.... A full black pudding, £1.65..... Two or three ounces of whole grain brown rice 50p , some stuffing or some herbs to season. Peel and chop up the pumpkin (or swede or parsnips or potatoes) and roast till cooked. Boil the rice till cooked, and then throw it all in a big bowl with the black pudding and seasoning and stir it all up together. The troll is so mean he chopped the  back pudding up that small we couldn't pick it out.... You can either freeze it now, or warm it up in the microwave, and serve with kibble. And there was enough there for all of us, seven meals for three quid..... Something any troll can be proud of. His ancestral blood flows thick and green in the family tree. We are seriously thinking of sending him out on another foraging trip and seeing what else he comes back with.... It's my birthday soon so I wouldn't mind another SUPRISE for that. In the meantime my mate Bryn is having his first birthday party on Sunday, and his mum is an AWESOME CANINE COOK. So bring on the cold weather if it means snow and home cooking. Cool runnings Gryff

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American Football Bernese style

Ok, who's up for it?.. Our erstwhile quarterback newly retired has at last returned to the pack after having numerous and what seems like endless holidays away from us youngsters. Typical quarterback.... All the girls all the attention,and wanted by everybody. Now we can get back to our ball games!! Ony problem is our quarterback is now the size and the speed of a linebacker . A slow worm on overdrive would move faster than he can at the moment. It's all that special treatment and extra food that's done it. Her indoors will not be happy. We'll all be put on a diet ,extra exercise and all that stuff just cause of him! It's no good, I will have to be the quarterback and run and throw the ball and all that stuff. At least the cheer Berners line is looking pretty gorgeous. We have Freya, looking sleek and furry , Tizzy Tartlet who can attract any male, two or four legs at the bat of an eyelash, the slim and gorgeous Florence Josephine and finally Chaos and Havoc (Asti and Lace)  who have roughly the same effect on the opposition as  the mention of St Trinians does on a school governor . Then in the blokes line up we have MYSELF , Gryff the pocket rocket, Dexter the dynamite Blocker, old slow boat the line backer, my mate Bryn whose bounce puts a rubber ball to shame, Echo the muscles and finally Ghostie the jelly bean. (lucky if u see him let alone get a paw on him) . So now all that we need is another team to play against..... Any offers, we can use your ball if you like!!! Cool runnings Gryff

Dickins medal cont.

More and more two legs are coming to rely on us canines. We can detect cancers, epilepsy and sugar diabetes. We stop drugs, fire arms and explosives from being used. We visit and live with the elderly, the disabled, drop outs, street people, autistic children. We find things they have lost, we protect them from themselves and others and now our work can be acknowledged. In 2001 the PDSA introduced "THE GOLD MEDAL".  For animals who serve  and protect with love and loyalty.  So if you know of a dog that deserves being recognised...... Do something about it! Oh and one other thing I would like you to think about is Remberance Day in November. My two legs always get poppies for that day. Both their dads were RAF and served, but why don't you try and get a purple poppy in Rememberance  of the animals that served and are still serving, mostly dogs now.....  Go on, where your purple poppy in your collar with pride. Cool runnings Gryff.              Www.The adventures of Gryff blogspot

PDSA Dickin medal for animals

Did any of you Berners out there know that there was a medal for animals for bravery and valour? It's called the PDSA Dickin medal and was first awarded in 1943. To date there have been well over sixty medals all individually struck and given out to such diverse heros as Pidgeons, a Cat, a Fox , three horses and 27 dogs. Every single one of those recipients were put forward by the Army , Navy or RAF, and the ribbon the medals hang on is Green, Dark Brown and Pale Blue to represent the armed services. Twenty seven dogs, of all shapes and sizes who have loved helped and protected their two legs. The medals have been presented by royalty , in person, and posthumously showing just how much we animals mean to our two legs.
Probably the one you will all remember the most is an army explosives search spaniel  called Theo.  He and his two legs called Tasker were out on patrol when a sniper shot and killed his handler, the following day Theo died from an unexplained seizure..... Some people say a broken heart. Infact he is one of six dogs killed in action while supporting our armed forces. Theo's ashes were sent back with his handler for buriel in this country.  Once in a while a Dickin medal will come up for auction, and the last one fetched well over £20,000 but most are held with care at regimental displays or museums. One is now part of the new State Coach Britannia made in Australia as a present for the queen and I can't think of a safer place for it to be......of those sixty odd medal holders,  twelve are buried with honours at the PDSA cemetary at Ilford in Essex, along with 3000 other animals that were part of someone's life. Think I might have a word with she who must be obeyed..... I know where I would like my tag to hang one day, and  now it's possible to do it.   But then there's all those other dogs that we seem to forget. The search and rescue dogs killed in 911,  the mountain rescue dogs, the hearing, seeing, and doing dogs that work to help and protect two legs.  Dogs that can answer phones, unpack washing, put the lights on, dogs like Endal who is also buried at Ilford. Do you remember Endal, the first Hound for Heroes Labrador.  .... Cont.

Suicide pasties attack defenceless Bernese mountain dogs.

Special edition. The Bernese office of welfare and war on pasties, has just announced that three Bernese mountain dogs were attacked in a kitchen this lunchtime by a group of flakey pastry Cornish pasties. The attack took place from an elevated position in a fridge when the door was opened and they along with other items of food jumped out targeting three defenceless Bernese mountain dogs. This crime was made more heinous because of the lack of warning and that two of the Bernese were puppies of four months. It is thought that a member of the two legged four figured Troll gang smuggled the pasties in to the home yesterday while the Bernese were at work and they laid in wait till lunchtime fell today. We are pleased to advise all Bernese lovers that our brave and loving gang of three were quick to do battle, despite the dis-advantage of SUPRISE, and were seen to despatch the enemy with great speed and accuracy. As yet the number of missing presumed  eaten (MPE's) is unknown, but judging by the pastry flakes all over the floor there must have been numerous attackers. The powers that be will of course be taking further action against the Troll on its return, as the floor at the time had just been VACUMED for troll hairs and then washed and dried!!!!! We are of course pleased to announce that no Bernese received any obvious injuries or stress , and indeed have expressed a wish to take the battle to the source of the enemy....THE BUTCHERS! Any other Bernese wishing to join the SBS (special Bernese section K 9 terrorists) can apply with age limits imposed, while those too young or too old should protect their own establishments against any further domestic attacks. Senior Officer Present Freya reporting to Commanding Officer Gryff.
Cool runnings Gryff

Are your two legs badly behaved?

Well are they? Now normally we take our two legs with us every where... The beach, along the river, the odd show, carnivals , all those types of thing.... And generally they don't let us down. They drive us a respectable speed, after putting us in our seat belts. They carry rolls and rolls of poo  bags for us, they pack a reasonable to good picnic when we go out, and make sure we are well lit up in the dark. So WHY is it that all us canines keep getting invited away for B&B or holidays away when they don't!  Well there is only one thing I can think of.... They must mis-behave when we are not there to look after them. Now I am well aware that Trolls can be a tad unpredictable at times, but you would think that the ancestral pit would let him stay a while but  NO. It's back already with RETURN TO SENDER stamped all over it's large hairy butt! Perhaps his table manners are bad, or maybe  he is just too big to fit on the logs they use as chairs. I mean we have done our best to teach him... We've even had picture on Facebook of us dogs sitting on chairs, or draped over a nice large double bed to show him how it's done. When we accept our treats, we are so careful to take them slowly and gently so we don't  make the two legs jump. Bet that's it...... Bet he snatches his food with no please or thanku. And what about Her Indoors.... Well she's a whittler.... If she went way she would be constantly phoning texting or e mailing to check up on us. Did you brush your teeth and fur. Did you get all your walks in, did you eat all your tea and what was it? Doesnt bare  thinking about. And then there's the next generation back. Think she's taking her tea or coffee too strong... Fallen over again. Oh they do worry us these two legs. I told nanny to stop drinking anything with bubbles in because they make her light headed... But no she knows better. She only has two paws so she's bound to be less stable than us quadrupeds.... And Bobs  your uncle and she's fallen over again. No wonder us canines need holidays. All the stress and worry they give us.... All I can say is make sure your two legs are bark trained properly.  Cool runnings Gryff

Enjoying retirement to the full.....

Those of you that follow me on the blogg...www.the adventures of Gryff , will be aware that during the summer we had a huge Berner family BarkBQ to celebrate Merlin, our boss dogs retirement, and to christen Freyas two pups Chaos and Havoc....(Asti and Lace).  Well now it's time to update you on Merlins peaceful quiet retired lifestyle...NOT! That dog has more social engagements than the Queen and her royal corgis. First of all, he still insists on coming to work at least three days a week.wouldnt be so bad but he is still on full salary, never mind a pension.... Sausages, sausage rolls pasties, you name it he still draws it. And how exactly am I supposed to keep the two legs under control when I have him looking over my paw all the time? I know I winged earlier on about everybody expecting too much from me, but sorting out two legs isn't exactly bone science is it? I mean any canine can do it with two paws tied  below their tail. . Add to that he regularly decides he wants to B&B ( bone and biscuit) at auntie Jackies over night,  just so he can take romantic walks with Flo down the lane in the dark.... I know what he's up to! If I were Dexter or Rob, I would soon put a stop to that. He gets massages, special treats, pâté for tea AND breakfast and then comes ambling into work with this great big grin all over his bone shoot! He needs to remember you only retire if you are getting old.... He could well give himself a heart attack, behaving like a two year old.  Then , yesterday my old mate Bryn brought his two legs over to see me, and blow me if he doesn't invite  himself for another weeks holiday with them. I mean it's only a few weeks ago he got back from there, giving me grief about loosing the family silver! (you will have to read the blogg) . I mean seriously, he has the cheek of a feline! Just because he is tall, handsome, well mannered, does as he is told (when it suits) and can gets away with murder, everybody thinks he is marvellous. I mean they even call him The Hoff. More like The Huff if you ask me!  He swans off leaving me to deal with the Troll, Havoc and Chaos, looking after the girls, work and a jellied white gsd. Sounds to me as though I need to check my holiday allowance and start taking a bit of time off.  I bet as we speak, he is being fed liver cake off a silver dog bowl, lying on a settee, being stroked and waited on paw and foot!  Oh well , all I can say is..... If you have it, Flaunt it! Enjoy yourself mate, and roll on my retirement, I can't wait!!!! Cool runnings Gryff

Herpetologist required.... And no that's not naughty!!!!!

Who says Bernese can't use long words and know what they mean? Ok we might not be the fastest or the showiest looking, but BONES we are the best. Well do you know what a herpetologist is..... Any offers??? Well it's a vet with a special interest in things like Tortoise, snakes , lizards and other reptiles. And right now one of my Bernese mates is in the poop past his proverbial eyes because of one.... A tortoise that is. Now as you probably know, us Berners can sometimes become absolutely fixated on something we want and can't have, somewhere we want to go and shouldn't... Well you know what I mean, and he has done both, and is now in debt past every paw and sinking fast. To say his bone and biscuit allowance is spent for about the next twenty years is most definately an understatement. The total bernerbrain decided that he would practice his burglary skills and break into the tortoise corral and see exactly what you did with them! High fences, bolts, below floor fencing he got past the lot and  found a tortoise!!! Thing is what do you do with one when you get it? Any sensible dog would perhaps roll it over, decide it smelt a little off and wander off and leave it. Not my mate, he decides he wants to know what's inside the hard bit... And starts chewing the shell. Now don't get all stressed, it has a happy ending... Apart from the four figure bill at the vets that is. Old torty survived after a great deal of specialised care, and is now to be fitted with a fibreglass based replacement shell and should live a long and happy life now. I suppose it could have been worse if the dog had swallowed a lump of shell and needed treatment too..... But what a wally ? Bet he will be in the DOG HOUSE for at least a month, and it's going to take an awful lot of plate licking and guard dogging to pay the two legs back. Moral of the story...... Us Berners are brighter and more determined than you think. Cute cuddly and extremely handsome, but we have brains and tenacity too. Just when you think you have us sorted............. Cool runnings Gryff

Oh so brave my little big sister

If you are up to speed you will know that I am currently black listing a certain cat for picking on my cat who we call Misscat. Awfull lot of cats in that sentance, but never mind. Well the other day while I was busy at work, Misscat decided that she would take a gentle stroll out with Freya, my diminutive big Berner sister. Now since  Freya had her pups, her protective instincts have gone off the Richter scale.... Good job because otherwise we would probably have lost our cat AGAIN. Being of the smart .... Obedient , bone wouldn't melt in the bone shoot side of the family, Freya spends most of her walks off lead, talking to all and sundry, with a little lady like sniff here, a sniff there, and a sniff everywhere when around the corner trots this JR with attitude. It took one look at Misscat and thought PLAYTIME.  What he didn't see was her right royal ladyship , but unfortunately for him , she saw him. JR hits the as peddle and aims straight at Misscat who is totally oblivious to what is about to happen, as Freya hits overdrive with body inflation and aims straight at the JR. Because of the distance Freya got to the cat a split second before the JR, and just as he starts to open his jaws, he realises that the diminuative cream cat he thought he saw has morphed into this huge tri colour canine, with a smile that would scare jaws. He slides to a halt, stopping just under her chin, and very very carefully looks up into the face of death. Not a word was spoken, but he quietly and reverently reversed a few steps then turned and ran like the bones of Hell were chasing him.Just

 goes to prove that you can't always believe what your eyes tell you....  Usual case, big dogs fault, poor defenceless JR. Blah blah blah.  Well we all thought she did a mega job, and they couldn't even say she used bad language because she never said a word. Of course now the whole dog walk knows because her mate the sheepdog thing saw it all, and it's owner was having trouble staying upright because she was laughing so much.  Misscat now stays in at night, although that could be the nights drawing in, and basically walks either under Freya's head, body or tail. Just depends on what she's doing at that particular second. Anyway better get back to work, got a bit of catching up on the health Berner site to do, one of the terrorist pups as hurt her back leg so got to take her to the vets tonight and It's PRECIPITATING PROFUSELY , peeing it down to you and me, so the floors walls and every mechanical item in the kitchen and dog room need wiping down again. Between you and me, I am seriously thinking about re christening the pups CHAOS and MAHEM. Be more in keeping with their behaviour. I reckon they were trained by the Taliban, or one of the black ops forces like the SAS or DELTA force.   I know, it was the SBS, Special Bernese Service..... That explains why Lacey jumped in the river the other day...... Stay well everybody, especially you dogs under the vet. Cool runnings Gryff

Do I , or don't I? I just want to go....

Now as a lot of you Berners know, this weekend is our carting event at Roade, and I REALLY REALLY want to go. I missed May and some of the other bits because Freya was having the pups, then we all had to be careful we didn't bring any bugs home for them to catch and now my favourite pussle has been beaten up and I dont know if I should leave her!! This responsibility thing can be quite worrying as I get older. I watch Merlin and he just seems to have it all under control with no apparent stress or agro. Me I just seem to run around like a lunatic, and still not get anywhere. He plays with the pups on the lawn, and they come in sparkling white clean and tidy.  I take them out and they get covered in mud and we all end up in the bath, and it's the same lawn for bone sake!  To say nothing of the two legs faces! I went in the show ring on Sunday with all four paws, then Bobs my uncle, put one of them down a rabbit hole and the judge apologised and threw me out as unfit! I know what she did was right, but why me. It always seems to be me or my fault. So I mean, do I go or do I stay at home? I know Ghostie my jelly flavoured GSD will share his crate with her and I know he will open and close the door as he sees fit, BUT WILL HE EAT HER BISCUITS?  Merlin says that age has its benefits and I need to stop worrying and it will eventually sort, but the two legs seem to expect so much of me! I will be ten months soon, and they seem to expect the same from me as Merlin. ( I mean he is absolutely ancient, unless of course Flo or one of his blondes is wearing that K'ennel no9. Then he goes absolutely dippy.... I am amazed he hasn't had a heart attack the old Lothario) Do you think I should remind them that  although I am a big strapping lad, I am really only a puppy myself?  Do you think two legs sometimes only see our size and expect too much of us?  Anyway Merlin reckons that as I do most of the puppy sitting now, the obvious answer is for us and the  pups to go together. That will give everybody a break at home, Miss Cat can have her own crate or share as she feels, and the brats (sorry pups) will be well out of her way creating chaos at Roade. You never know, they might be so over awed by it all they will behave.... Well we can live in hope I suppose!  See this is what I mean ....all this  responsibility ...... See u all there, and if I don't, have an absolutely cracking weekend.  Cool runnings Gryff

Peace and goodwill to all but one cat....

Now normally I am a patient and forgiving soul, but not today . TODAY I want to get hold of one particular cat and I am going to teach it a lesson it won't forget. It's beaten up our beautiful and very gentle Miss cat. Yesterday Merlin and I took a stroll out around where we live accompanied by the gentle Miss Cat, called on a couple of older two legs to make them smile , because people always do when they see us out together, and then this morning, our mate Ghostie and the Troll found her all beaten up in the long grass. They have taken her home and bathed all her cuts but she is really not good..... SO U KNOW WHO U R BLACK AND WHITE CAT!...... YOUR CARD IS MARKED. Your furry hide is now mine to chase, and don't think the others will let u off because I will make sure they don't. Oh and we want her collar back, and not on your shelf as a trophy. Miss Cat we love you so get better soon..... The gang, The Troll and Gryff

Aunty Kaths Cooking

Now as you all know Merlin our boss dog has recently been away on a weeks holiday with my mate Bryn and his family..... And  when he came back he brought all sorts of goodies back with him, or rather Aunty Kath did for us. Now her indoors being  a bit slow put them all in the fridge to keep them safe from counter surfing Berners  and then proceeded to forget all about them. Typical two legs.... If  it was chocolate she wouldn't have forgotten. Anyway we kept trying to tell her, and it wasn't until yesterday that we got through to her. .... So for breakfast dinner and this mornings breakfast we have eaten like princes and princesses.... THANKU AUNTY KATH U R THE BEST!  Put that together with our new improved diet, and life is looking really good. Extra veg, meat, treats, there's a lot to be said for vet visits and pills..... All for one and one for all.... We all get the cheese or the pate  at pill time, the question is, WHO GETS THE PILL? It's pink so my guess is one of the girls. HRH has atlast had her stitches out and a vet nurse friend said a touch of surgical spirit near to but NOT ON THE WOUND will stop her chewing them, and I have to say its definately working. Anyway I will wish you all a good bank holiday weekend, stay cool and enjoy. Cool runnings Gryff

Blonde blonde blonde blonde...

Anybody remember the old advert and the tune for Skol? Bit before my time but I've heard the troll singing it.... Well just replace the Skoll word with blonde blonde blonde blonde, and you will be singing about one of my all time favourite two legged aunties. That's right aunty J , you know who you are! The lady two legs have been e mailing each other all day, so I think it must be one of those very infectious things u get on computers , because there's not a lot to choose between them at the moment. Her indoors is slightly annoyed with HRH princess Theia, £400 for the op, nearly £100 in extra bandages pls £56 for antibiotics and the stitches are still in  till next week. Add to that the old Codger having to have his ear drained AGAIN so he will be Mr Grumpy for a couple of days, plus the all in wrestling competitions to put his drops in for the next couple of weeks, and I can see why people can loose the plot. Me, well I am super cool at the moment... Chilled to the extreme.... Family silver duly found and replaced, with about thirty seconds to spare before the head dog returned home on Saturday. Did ok at my show on Thursday, well at least my lovely Nan thinks so... Just need her to tell me when and where for  some more.  The Troll is busy bellowing about thirty five miles away so he s out of hearing range and her indoors has caught this blonde thing so I should be able to get away with just about anything. Canine heaven! Not a lot more to say really than...BLONDE BLONDE BLONDE BLONDE...Cool runnings Gryff

The old Buffer...

That's it, the old coot goes away on holiday and he's checking up on me...reading my blogg . Got to admit his plans a good one. I can just imagine the troll FREAKING OUT with another visit to the vets with Theia..( now on bandage 14!) and as for the pups getting muddy, it's a good idea but her indoors can't pick them up anymore, fat little fur balls that they are, and just where am I supposed to get a metal detector from without  access to his BARK LAY card. Full of brains but what about the practicalities... That's the difference between a working dog and a retired holidaying posh pawed show dog. Just stop worrying , I will cope, never let u down yet have I???? Well maybe when I was paw high to a Fatcat...but not lately. Going out tonight to the dog show , then a maccy D for supper and get in late... Everybody will be asleep, and Bobs Your Uncle...job done! Well I hope so. Her indoors will be so tired she won't care, and anyway, who needs to sleep on a pile of uncomfortable silverware anyway. I know it's there somewhere so why stress.? Sounds like that hotel is a bit of OK though. Liver cake, massages, days out, grooming and paw trimming, private staffing and mollycoddling,....bet he even gets what he wants on TV too. Definately going to take a pop at that myself. Anyway better go and get a good brushing and bits for tonight. Atleast she hasn't tried drowning me this time.... Blummin bubbles, they get up my nose! Will let u know how we get on if we do Ok, Cool Runnings Gryff

The family silver...

Now as you know Dizzy Tizzy has been playing hunt the bandage on a major scale. Her current count is two pink, two lilac, six cream and two lime green with... Do not chew me...printed on them. But perhaps her best effort was a new set at the vets, a ten minute drive home ten minutes back to vets and  them suggesting that they leave them off, a ten minute journey home, ten minutes return journey and new bandages.... See what I mean!!! Now every time she goes back there is the additional cost of fuel bandages and the Trolls temper...to the extent that his vehicle keeps trying to go the same route where ever he wants to go which is really winding him up. Oh and I forgot the fact that on Sunday morning Dizzy Tizzy broke the habit of a Life time, and went in the river. Now HRH  is known to be totally allergic to H2O in any form. Hot, cold, falling, standing, flowing or in waves, so WHY Why Why did she go swimming on Sunday????  Of course when we got home, those bandages were starting to tighten up so they had to be cut off. Then my mate Bryn came over for a get together and a pizza as u do, and Merlin in total disgust decides to accept his offer of a holiday, and clears off with him leaving me in charge. Oh @@@@! Now normally this wouldn't phase me, but two delinquent puppy's, Freya in a stomp, dizzy Tizzy on the rampage and a home and a business to run to say nothing of a quivering jelly of a white shepherd and a Troll with the major Hump and is it suprising I want to dig a big hole and hide in it .? But being  made
 of stern stuff I decided to go for it..... That's when this awful feeling started creeping up on me. Vets bills holidays , scratty puppy toys, just where we're all the bones coming from to pay for all this???The family silver....where was it...I know Merlin has this big box hidden in his basket with locks and keys and stuff... That must be it! Rushed out the dog room, a frantic scrabble and  omg it's still here. Obviously I can't be everywhere at once so where can I hide it? The holes in the garden..... Guess I must have been in a bit of a panic, because I remember taking all the bits out...gold bones,the girls Tiara's ,collars with diamonds on and stuff... My favourite chewy, and his best bone, but I can't remember which hole I buried them in. Oh @@@@!!!  Well atleast the Troll won't be able to pay the vets bill with them, and if Dizzy Tizzy needs more  bandages before she goes back on Friday, WELL TUFF! Think the safest thing to do is sleep on it, and pray the Troll doesn't do any lawn mowing or gardening till the old Buffer gets home. Give him his due, he did send us a postcard on PAWBOOK showing him and Bryn taking it easy... Cool runnings Gryff

Pretty in pink lilac blue bandages and sticky plaster

There are times when us Berners are not sensible to ourselves... Last night we all trotted in from work to find chaos reigning and the troll (what's left of him that is ) in a blind panic. Got to say he really let us males down. A bit of blood a torn off bandage and he was panicking fit to bust. We walk in to..She's torn her bandage off!!!! What do I do , what do WE do! Subtle that we all thought. Her indoors looked at him, picked up the phone and rang the vets to say dizzy Tizzy was on her way up to be re-bandaged, gave him the troll mobile keys and sent them on their way. Needless to say all became calm, tea was served, and Tizzy returned having been told off by Nurse Emily for mis-behaving to a load more spoiling and cosseting .  Then this morning, she who must be obeyed decided Dizzy Tizzy and her bandages would be safer with all of us at work. All went well till about 10am, when infront of five two legs and all us k9's she just ripped off the other pink bandage.  We thought that she obviously preferred the new lilac one with blue paw prints on, but not to be outdone, her indoors rushed out to a certain local chemist and bought bandages, sticky bandages, tape, and absorbent lint to rectify matters. Now this is one of those times when she beats us at our own game.... She bought enough for two legs... Now how did she know??? Anyway with the assistance of a couple of bouncers, a straight jacket and a seven lb lump hammer , she who must be obeyed rebadged the offending leg. Then some more gentlemen, (I have to say Theia has loads) turn upwith presents and goodies for a recovering lady in distress. ie Uncles Ian and Clive... And blow me if she doesn't do the same with the lilac bandage. I have to say she should have thought it through a bit better!!! Uncle Ian is a VET NURSE with millions of years experience of  cheeky K9's. She never stood a chance ..... All by himself, no anesthetic, no bouncers, and lots of sticky tape, about sixty seconds later she was stuck up like a Christmas turkey. It was AWESOME to watch an expert at work. One more for the gentlemans side. And now hopefully said bandages will stay on till Monday a m when HRH princess Theia   Aka Dizzy Tizzy will be returning to see the vet for a check up. And no before anyone says "where's her buster collar"....it gets in the way when she puts on her tiara.....Cool runnings Gryff

Well just to let you all know that our princess in pink (with blue paw prints) is doing just fine. She was very brave last night and agreed to sleep with the Troll and share his XXlarge bed, on the proviso that she had most of it. Now I have no doubt that the excitement of sharing his bed made his brain stop working, or perhaps it just got cold, but for some reason, being the last to bed , he forgot to put the rest of us to bed, and shut the back door, or even put the kiddie gate across it. MAJOR MAJOR OOOPS,!! As you can imagine us more senior and sensible k9's saw fit to be back in our baskets before she who must be obeyed got up at 5am this morning while those smaller muddier hairier and younger little beasties  didn't ! She went ballistic. All I can say is I am so so glad that we all have flack jackets and tin hats stashed in with our leads collars and alike. We all knew it would happen, we all told the little @@@@@ that they were dicing with death, but would they  listen....NO. They knew better. OOOPS!!! Cool runnings Gryff.

Ps ... The trolls funeral will be next week lol

Theia's pink ballet shoes.....

What a day.... Our princess Theia, has had to spend it at the vets, and I think it's fair to say ,she is not impressed!!!!! Where Theia came from, far far up north, in the county of Roses , sheep and Scarfell Pike,  the vets deem the removal of rear dew claws as COSMETIC SURGERY, and as such didn't remove them as requested on either her or her three brothers. Now unfortunately our athletic and bouncy lady Berner actually had  Double dew Claws on both her back legs and the week before last, while practicing her Yoga, she managed to catch one very firmly in the metal loop on her collar which defied the extreme efforts of two people to free her. Needless to say when she had her freedom returned, the claw was pulled that much she refused to let anybody look except her indoors and ME. (only because I was looking over mums shoulder, being nosey and wondering why all the fuss! ) by now these troublesome articles are curling around nicely on themselves and starting to run into the second claw. Now her indoors was not happy about this but was prepared to wait and see if this was a one off occaision or if it was likely to happen again. Yes you got it, last week while practising  her Cuddle me routine for the benefit of one of her who must be obeyed friends, it happened again. So poor old Tizzy was booked in for today,  for their removal and also a little bit of  personal photography. Anyway we duly had a phone call about two this afternoon saying that she was up and about and wanted to come home. Can you imagine the trolls face, when out trots his lovely princess, decked out in PINK bandages and carrying a pair of PINK  Ballet slippers to be used as required and especially if it's wet  to keep her clean and dry. Now the thought of him battling with those fastenings is positively hilarious. I doubt he will even be able to put one of her delicate little paws in there before she has done her special Berner pirouette and whisked off to the other side of the room  laughing her paws off. That, the fact that Trolls are not known for their patience and the £400 bill will make for quite an entertaining few days, because as you know Trolls can be DIFFICULT at the best of times, and his cousins in Wales have probably already heard him 'going off on one". That and the fact that our Aunty Sarah has bought both Theia and Freya a pink spotted bandana to complete her outfit, to be worn when the Troll takes her out in public should just about finish him off.  Life can be such fun..... And it's amazing how differently two people can look at something and see a totally different picture.  One vets opinion is COSMETIC and our vets is COMMON SENSE... The Trolls is embarrassment while Theias is LOOK AT ME! GORGEOUS IN PINK. Cool runnings Gryff

BALLS... Yes you heard right... BALLS

Have you ever been out with someone and they have been such a pain in the bone that you swear blind you will never go out with them again... WELL I HAVE!!! Those two @@@@@  nieces of mine are the absolute end.  Merlin and I decided we would take them out this morning down one of those long straight country lanes we have  where we live. Now normally  they are not too bad, but last couple of days they have been right little  @@@'s, so we thought wear them out and we will have peace for the day. In our paw twitching dreams!  Lacey decides she is leaving home and heads out into the wild green yonder, through nettles and dock leaves and those round sticky bud things that we call Chickweed. Bet you all know it, the leaves and the stems stick to you and they are covered in millions of small round balls. They were in her ears ,around her eyes , all through her tail, infact I can't think of any place they weren't, and would she come back... NO CHANCE.  Her indoors went ballistic , wading through the nettles , getting stung to bits, she was not a happy Girl. In the end we put Asti on a long lead and sent her in to find her sister who by now we could only locate by the nettles moving. I told her, she needn't expect Merlin or me to go in after her..... Little @@@@! Well to cut a long story short, her indoors managed to catch hold of Lacey's collar, and she was done for. The pair of them stood there GREEN. There must have been hundreds of bobbles on each of them, so when we got to work, we had to go out and buy a special comb thing to sort them out. We tried the pet shop, the dog groomers and eventually the £1 shop for the little horrors. By this time of course they were scratching and trying to pull them out themselves, so AUNTY JACKIE and my mate Rowan got volunteered to help sort them out. With the three two legs it took over two hours to get the worst out, and we still keep finding  them on them. Apart from that, it's hit my bone and biscuit money.... If anyone uses a rude word infront of Rowan they have to cough up 30p for his money box... His dads bright idea, and you can guess how many of those were used plus of course the cost of the new comb... Now you know why I feel like saying BALLS !  I mean what happens if I need a new ball or a special bone or something? They can wag their biscuit money goodbye this weekend, Merlin and I want that. Anyway, I suppose I have calmed down a bit now I have told you all about it. Just take my advice and stay away from grass seeds, especially the spikey ones, because they can do us a lot of damage in the wrong place!!! Cool runnings   Gryff

I did it....

I did it, I said I  would!! She who thinks she must be obeyed nearly got away with it, but I got her there in the end! One word of advice though ... NEVER EVER EVER let a troll programme your SAT NAV. I mean how big is Newmarket Race Courses? And we still managed to miss it by twenty eight miles ddddduuuuurrrrrhhhhh. It's like I have always said, four fingers and toes on a troll and they are way too big for the average sat nav to cope with. Will just have to do it myself next time. The old dear was getting in a right old stew because we were still wandering around the A14 at quarter past nine and the show started at nine thirty. Take a pill I said, a chill pill, and we got there just in time, and there was my Nanny Broels waiting  for us.  She had us walking and running and standing and sitting and anything else she could think of, bless her. She was even kind enough to suggest that somebody who knew what they were doing, as in not mum and me, would help me strutt my stuff, but I wasn't going to have that. Got say there was some gorgeous totty about... Oh and I discovered CHEESE in a big way.... Seemed a lot of the other dogs liked it too, along with my all time favourite SAUSAGES. We thought we were just doing two classes, but every time I walked out of a ring, Nanny would say " in that one now, go on" ...... But all in all it was quite fun. There were some really nice people there, some who would say hello, and some I thought might be related to SLICE N DICE my cat.... If you know what I mean. We just went for some fun. My mum told me I was the best dog going in and the best dog coming out, and she wasn't bothered about what happened in the middle. Good job because it thundered  and poured down with rain for ages and ages, and we got rather wet..... Had to laugh though... Why don't you two legs do as we do? She who must be obeyed decided she really really needed to go to the ladies, right in the middle of the thunder storm. Yes you got it.... Now I know what a drowned rat looks like!  Anyway eventually the sun came back out and I dragged her back into the show ring. And that's another thing, you need four paw drive on wet grass, so why do you only have two? Much safer our way if you ask me! Will tell you more next time , perhaps even the odd picture of drowned rats, lol, take care all, Cool runnings Gryff

The Trolls are gathering....

Not good, been reading about Theia's family on Bonsai Mountain, and they have got trouble with Trolls too. Like us they have been receiving SBS training to cope with the last walk  in the dark. (SBS is Special Bernese Service and only the bravest are good enough) the woods by us or our riverbank to say nothing of their Bonsai mountain can be SCAREY  places if you are not brave of heart.  It's the two spots of red that watch you as you are walking out, or the certain knowledge that someone is high up in a  tree. Worse still is that second when something gallops across the path infront of you and it's three times your size. Her indoors always says that a deer can't hurt you but they do look big when they go flying by.  And the swans , well just don't go there is all I can say. Think we might struggle this year with the two youngsters to finish training in time for the dark nights , but hey ho, we have to try. Just have to put them next to she who must be obeyed and form a circle around them to keep them safe.   Talking of scared... Yours truly has entered himself for a dog show at Newmarket this weekend...... All that totty they told me, but now I am beginning to wonder if I did the right thing???  Oh well to quote the SBS......  He who dares wins bones.   Cool runnings Gryff

Going down.....

Anybody checked our inbreeding coi in the last few days????? It's gone down from 5.1 to 4.8 HURRAY! Ok it's only a little bit but it is definately the right direction.  But then we seem to be developing a couple of other problems.... The number of bitches missing after matings  and when they are in whelp... The size of the litter! I keep looking on Facebook and the litters on the continent just seem so much bigger that ours, nine and ten pups seems standard to them, while here it seems to average four or five pups! Any body got any bright ideas???

Out with the kids....

Now I know why Merlin likes being a grand-dog..... You get to give them back at the end of the day. Boy did I want the end of the day to come yesterday. Took the little perishers (the pups) out with the Troll and Co for a bit of socialisation to a small dog get together raising funds for PAT dogs. It was a nice little everything show just off  the A17. Bit of have a go agility, fastest recall, prettiest bitch ( my personal favourite that)  etc. Not a bad day weather wise, until it rained...and it thundered, and it rained and rained and rained. Typically English weather. There some nice bits of stuff there too. Some Leonburgers, red setters, a pretty Berner called Flo, greyhounds , whip it quicks, jacks.... You got it...all and their two legs. Got promised an icecream too, but as usual I am still waiting. Just cause the two legs deal in cash, doesn't mean we can't too.... Anybody tried that new K9 icecream yet? It's supposed to be awesome.  Her indoors is on a bit of a health food junket at the moment. She keeps looking for dog food analysis sites to see what's in all our foods. Boy is she hard to please! Can't see the problem really... Nice tidy steak, few veg so I get my five a day, three times daily, or perhaps a nice juice chicken. Jobs a good un.... But no she has to go ferriting for more info. According to her, there is more to hurt at times than will do us good, so we are getting more and more home cooked. You don't hear me moaning, I think it's great, especially starting the day with Pâté on toast.... I know but a guy has to have some treats...  Why don't you try looking what you are eating and how much it really needs to cost.... Cool runnings Gryff

Jobs for dogs

Well yet again it's pouring with rain, and I am bored. I've done the puppy club, done the training bit, and I rather thought that with Merlin retiring I had a full time job to look forward to... But no chance!!! Three days off work and he's back again.....that dog just can't keep away. So anyway I have decided to look for a part time job. Been gently browsing thro Dogs for the Disabled...thought about PAT dogs and then found out that great adopted grandad McGyver, (he was a huge great GSD that looked like a bear) great uncle Teague, and even Merlin have all done it before me, so do I want to carry on the tradition or shall I try something else? then I started reading about PAWS... Anybody heard of them? No I thought not... Well Paws are run by Dogs for the Disabled to help families with Autistic children. Did you know that the waiting list for a fully trained Autistic Assistance dog is three and a half years? That's a very long time when you are a child who struggles to communicate, suffers anxiety at the smallest change in their lives... Even things like putting the wrong shoe on first can trigger an anxiety attack. They can't make friends in school, they struggle to learn in a normal school environment and they still have to learn life skills that you and I take for granted. They can't enjoy sharing interests or achievements with other people or understand why somebody is suffering pain or sorrow. Infact as many as 40 percent of people will never speak at all and then as they grow into their teens they are at an increased risk of depression and epilepsy. But the really sad thing is that these children usually have above average intelligence. Now as a Bernese mountain dog I think they need our help. Because there aren't enough assistance dogs to go around, PAWS run training courses for the parents of Autistic children, on how to train their pet dogs to help with the kids. That means that we could help. Simple things like fetching a shoe for a child to put on means that yes it's a change , but the dog is a constant, reducing stress. Walking to and from school every day, or just sitting beside them (wearing your doggy seatbelt I might add) when they go out in the car. Learning to listen for sounds of stress in the child's voice, and going and pushing your nose against their hand, time and time again till they realise you are there for them. To be there if they wake up in the dark and are frightened, they are all things us Berners can do.... Autistic children frequently can't make us understand what they want or need, they become frustrated and difficult to handle, but you and I know that us Berners can cope with most things. When they struggle to keep their physical balance they can lean on us, when they cry because nobody seems to understand them, we could be there for them, we could love them back as only a canine can. We all know that touching and stroking a dog is therapeutic . It relieves stress, emotions anxiety and lowers the blood pressure..... And then there are the parents. We could give them half an hour of our time two or three times a day. Take them out for a walk with us so they can relax too.... Be there for them when life is if you will forgive the pun...Being a Bitch. Us Berners were just made for the job. Loving devoted family orientated and just plain good looking.... We have everything to offer. Sounds like just the job for me. Although I am not a PAT dog, all my family does loads of charity work so we spend a lot of time with children and the physically and mentally dis-advantaged, and they are just so loving. Some even pop in to work to see us in their wheelchairs etc. We have one young man who wears ear protecters all the time, but when he comes through our door , his face lights up and we sit in a row, and he has to decide which dog to stroke first, and to do this he has to say our name.... His carer says its the only time he tries to speak, any other time he will sign, but who cares.... Think about it everybody... Could you do that job, would your owner/breeder help you to help somebody else...... GO FOR IT , Us Berners can do anything if we are taught correctly. If nothing else I hope I have made you think, go on the Internet ( owners permission of course) find out what you can do for others. Do a sponsored cart pull, or a special biscuit and spoon race to raise awareness or sponsorship for the full time assistance dogs at your local dog show. If any dog can , WE CAN. Cool runnings Gryff

Party cake all round

Well we did it, we ad the most amazing BBQ.... Thirteen Berners one shepherd about thirteen adults two kids and a troll. Got the old trout out of bed nice and early and sat and watched the oven from about seven am as a constant stream of goodies came and went and then got placed high up so they thought I couldn't reach. YEH like that would ever happen. You are talking about Mr Catburgler himself here. If I want it I will reach it. Got Freya in trouble tho.... She got caught. Then there was the chicken the steak kebabs beef burger sausages AWESOME and we all got them. We did all us dogs too. Even Morgan who is supposed to have a tricky stomach. Somebody is having a laugh... He can keep up with the best of us and no bad results.! Then there was a cheesecake courtesy of Echo, Brynn bought a couple of crumbles a walnut cake and two TOTALLY DOG CAKES which we all polished off, then there was fruit salad trifles ( now they were great because I snook a bit f one of those, and that cream stuff is GORGEOUS, oh and two bone shaped cakes one blue white for Merlin and one pink white for the girls christening . Got to say that I am already looking for another excuse to party... It was brill. The Troll made us laugh tho.... Asked if anybody wanted to watch the motor racing... Ended up watching with the two kids and him. His face was a picture.... Anyway suppose I had better go and fill those two holes I dug in. Be just my luck if the pups fall in , get all mucky and take it indoors.. Or worse, fall in and can't get out. Cool runnings Gryff

Party mania

Well it's THE weekend at last. Sunday come rain hail or shine its party time. I have planned a SUPRISE party for Merlins retirement and the christening of my two Berner nieces, Lacey and Asti. ( for that read popping their noisy little heads under the water feature with all my k9 mates watching) , except of course they already do it for themselves when they are thirsty. There should be twelve Berners two gsd and three cats, although or some reason the cats have not rsvp'd... I wonder why lol???? Then of course there will be their chauffeur's and the odd extraneous two legs , o and of course The Troll. Hit the butchers today, and collected all the meat ( mega yummmmmmmm) then tomorrow it's the salad dips puddings and the largest pots of cream I can find. Got to be a bit careful and send the troll aswell as she who must be obeyed because my writing can be a bit difficult to read and her indoors needs new glasses anyway. I tried the table out again last night with my mate Fatcat. My butt still fits nicely on one side of the brolly, so it's all stations GO. Just hope the weather is kinder than today. Took both the carts home, so that makes three in the garage and all the harnesses so was thinking of a bit of canine drag racing up our street, or we can go over our back and do off road racing along the river... Depends on the weather really. Can't wait till they let me take my test....still too young at eight months or so they keep telling me. Even got two cakes ordered shaped like bonios for the two legs...one chocolate and one vanilla sponge, while me and my mates have got sausages beef burgers and kebabs. Guess who I think has the best menu.... U got it!!! All that gorgeous meat. Oh and the bar opens at 10am Sunday morning till when ever it shuts... Can't wait. My beloved nanny and grandad Broels are coming too , and although she says she wants to cuddle the pups. I know she will be amazed at how big I am and how clever I can be...and I will get first cuddle. Roll on Sunday.... Cool runnings Gryff