The things we get called!

Do you two legs ever listen to what you are calling us.... My little teddy bear, eight stone and 30 inches at the shoulder SMALL ! My little cuddle puppy.... Forty odd teeth that can give a small shark a run for it's money! Oi you dumbbell ..... Like we are going to listen? Then there's the crafty trick of the voice like honey when you want something and the words don't match............... Just to let you know we are much more clever than you think. And yes I am going to get that bark recognition software. AWESOME? cool runnings Gryff

Secretary required....

How much do you think it would cost me to get a secretary .... Couple of biscuits an hour, couple of biscuits and a walk or maybe if I offer to share my basket.... Just how expensive are they??? It's just that as my paws get bigger, I am finding it harder and harder to type on the computer. Most people's eye sight makes computers difficult.. With me it's my paws. Even the lady at the poodle parlour commented on the size of my feet. It's enough to give a bloke a complex. What do they think I am....a ballet dancer? Having said that I really need to say SORRY UNCLE DICK for the disappearance of your sausage roll this morning. You were so late coming in that I thought I wasn't going to see you. Now that was fancy footwork...neither if them saw or heard that hit the floor, and then it was gone!!!! My big paws balance my height nicely, especially when I am counter surfing lol. Can't wait till Flo gets back to work cause she's going to teach how to surf the bins. AWESOME. Anyway next week should be less busy and I will get chance to see my best mate Bryn again.... Chaos reigns! Missed them this week but have just been rushed off my paws. Didn't even get chance to go to the pet shop for some fun, although the trolls been dressing the girls up in coats so that's been a laugh. He seems to think that they will catch cold in all this rain, or maybe he's trying to keep their White bits White. Anyway , fashion statement they are not! Next he will be putting pink wellies on every corner. Now what.... That darn Slice n dice has just come in through the window and she is soaked. That's right you stupid animal, slide all round me and make me wet too. As if I hadnt seen enough water in the last twenty four hours to last me a life time. Now she wants to sit on the computer... Do you really want a curly perm? Hasn't anybody told you that electricity and water dont mix? I give up...duty calls. Got to go and sort the feline out. So much for a peaceful quiet weekend. I want a secretary them she could do all this........ Cool runnings Gryff

Friday night is bath night

Well we all went... To the poodle parlour that is. It's really called Bow wows and the girls loved it. You could see they were all excited when they got round the corner and what's worse is the first thing they did was look at all the bling. Yes Bling to go on their collars, and there were fancy coats with diamanté bits and these really super baskets, all soft and squishy , but too small for my handsome butt. HRH was first in...Merlin that is. All bubbles warm water and massage. You could see he was loving all the fuss. Great big softy! Then it was Freyas turn and she was even worse. She sat on the bath, had her shampoo and then didnt want to get out. She just sat there wanting more bubbles and stuff. They got her out eventually, but I mean.... How embarrassing! Then Theia had her go. She wasn't so bad but what is with girls and hair do's. It wouldnt be so bad, but the party we were all going to this weekend has been cancelled because of the weather. Bummer! Then it was my turn..... Never again and I mean never... They tried to drown me , I swear they did. And not happy with that,then they tried to blows my ears off my head with this huge fur drier thing. For bones sake, why didn't somebody warn me? And my tail... They just hung off the end of it trying to get in dry, so there was no way I was going to let them rub my face dry. For all I know they might have pierced my ears or something. Everybody keeps telling me that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and that I will get used to it, but I'm not so sure. Apparently we all have a bath twice a year so life is going to be interesting next time. Next time I will weigh twice as much and be a load bigger and stronger so their lives will be a lot harder if they want to try drowning ME again. When we all got back, Freya was texting her mate Flo. She's having a mud bath and face pack at home this weekend.... Now that's what I call a bath..... Although the only place I would want mud to pack is round my paws. I am handsome enough without any mud on my face, but at least it would take away that funny smell. Why can't they use bone cologne not some girly stuff on us blokes. Anyway I suppose I had better stop moaning about it, got to admit my coat looks good and I don't mind looking in the mirror. Anyway , I will say cool runnings Gryff

Troll juice

After the shock of meeting a gnome yesterday, I felt I had to take the matter a little further, and discuss all the differences between the two species with my own personal troll.... Apparently these are numerous but the one thing that they both have in common is their temperament. Both it appears, that they are to say the least unpredictable and just because they say they are going to do something doesn't mean they will. But not having done it, they expect you to believe they have.... If you get what I mean. Confusing isn't it. And apparently if the trolls have been out for a bevy and a roast the night before they can be really iffy! Apparently trolls favourite tipple is something called ARAK, and one of their predecessors Ghengis Khan was famous for indulging in it. It's not very strong... Just 50-60% proof. Just enough to show them a good time. And then of course there are such creatures as witches. Now I know for a fact that her indoors is one, because she always knows what I am thinking, but what I didn't know is that aunty Sarah is one too..... But for a totally different reason. Aunty Sarah tried to blame me for every thing that went down today. They were so busy that the kettle didnt go on and things got put in the wrong places and it all went pear shaped just like Freya is at the moment. And then she was teasing me about going to the poodle parlour tomorrow, and all that water they will be using ,when she knows I hate water.....now that's not fair is it Uncle Dick? You need to sort her out, or I will just have to tell you all the nasty things she said to me on Saturday morning when we have our cream cake and sausage rolls. You know if you could see me uncle Dick, lying here with my head on my paws all upset and miserable I am sure you would be on my side. Anyway I suppose I had better make the effort and eat my tea... Tomorrow is worrying me. I have never had a bath like this before. Oh well, paws crossed... Cool runnings Gryff

Paw-petual motion

My mum says that I have a battery fitted that never wears out, and that it's charged by my tail which never stops wagging or waving around. Now I think that's cool, don't you? Anybody would think that I never sat still unless I am asleep. Bit like one of those posh Rolex watches that people wear..... Guess that means I am worth a lot of money too. Lol. Nice one!!. Changing the subject slightly , I met a Gnome today. Not at all like a troll. Guess he was about five feet tall and all gnarly and twisty. His nose was all big and bulbous and a funny purply colour. He had no front teeth and great big ears, that flapped as he shouted at everybody.... Well maybe he was deaf too, cause he talked ever so loud. Oh and he had long bushy hair. Trolls are much taller, and quite a few of them have a tail just like ours.... But they can only come out when it's getting dark. If the sun catches a troll they turn to stone, and I know that's true, because when the grizzly troll goes out into the garden he sits down and goes really really still. He says he is making sure that we are all working properly, but I don't think so!! The funny thing is that at the mention of food he comes to life again.... So now you know where I get it from! Never seen a gnome before, and if they are all that feisty then I am glad that aunty Jackie and her that must be obeyed were there..... Definitely bad tempered if you ask me.... And that they do have in common with trolls. I have also decided that I am fed up with the rain, it's getting harder and harder to avoid all the puddles, and I really hate water. Her indoors is taking us all to have a shampoo and comb out so we are ready for the garden party.... Hope to see you all there, and that the weather is a lot better. Take care all, and stay dry. Cool runnings Gryff

Growing old disgracefully ( yippee )

Yesterday our boss dog went clay pidgeon shooting with the troll for the morning.... First of all he got WRONG cause he jumped into the wrong car (Merlins own I might add) which the troll had opened the boot to.... Like how was he supposed to know he was supposed to get into the one with it's doors shut!!!!! Duurrrhhhh!!! And then he spent the following three hours running around with a couple of baby trolls....instead of being allowed to do his job and supervise the shooting. Now as you know trolls can be unreasonable at the best of times, but to look after two when you are eighty odd years of age is above and beyond the call of duty if you ask me. And, And being baby trolls they still had four toes each foot to run on, so you can imagine just how tired our boss was when he got home. He was covered in mud everywhere, his feet were swollen, he was still panting and he walked through the front door, jumped in his basket and put out the DO NOT DISTURB sign. He slept through afternoon biscuits, tea, which was Spag Bol, and breakfast this morning. Now that is totally unacceptable if you ask me! The blokes absolutely @@@@@@@@ . Needless to say she who must be obeyed through a pink fit, she was not a happy bunny at all. Didn't help that we had friends round the night before and we were all late to bed anyway. Question is, does he go again because he is getting on a bit, or do I offer to go with him and sort out these baby trolls. Don't think I will be quite so patient as him especially if they are anything like the big troll. What worries me more is that if he is slowing down, then at some stage I will have to take on some of his responsibilities and I am not sure that I am up to it yet?? like getting into the wrong car. That was the trolls fault because he told him to get in meaning the front door and then opened the boot in front of Merlin....I would have got in the car too. Merlin just gave him THE LOOK and jumped out again....don't know what I would have done! Then this morning I got caught a bit short about 4am. Now Merlin always goes through the night, when will I be able to? The good bit about it was I woke her up trying to tell her indoors and because I had asked, I got taken upstairs and had a lovely cuddle on the bed till the alarm went off! Then there's times when I should bark and times when I shouldn't.... How do I tell the difference.? Then the other day, this gentleman went to give her indoors a kiss, and Merlin was up and between them like a rocket. Either he knew instinctively or perhaps the bloke should have asked his permission.... I just don't know! See what I mean, it's really hard growing up and trying to get it right all the time. one thing I do know is that when I start to grow old, I am going to do it just like Merlin. I shall get covered in mud, I shall hang out the do not disturb sign, I shall still chase the girls and I shall eat all the food I can get hold of. In other words I shall grow old DISGRACEFULLY because it keeps you young. Perhaps all you other Berners should try it... Cool runnings Gryff

Breakfast........at 3am

Bet you didn't know that us Berners can cook did you? Well I can, well I tried! About half past two this morning I decided I was hungry , like really hungry, and I knew for a fact that there were half a dozen eggs on the back of the table, just by the sink. So having given the matter a great deal of thought,( about a milli second ) I decided I would go for one of my puppy favourites.... Scrambled eggs. Now as you know I am getting really good at counter surfing, so utensils first,,,, the wooden spoon, then the eggs,,,,, OOOPS caught the saucepan on the draining board with the eggs and one major noise as they all hit the floor together. Oh well won't need the spoon so I might aswell have a quick chew and see it off. Finish off the eggs to remove a bit more evidence which just leaves the saucepan. Now wouldnt you just know it....her indoors must have heard the noise and is on her way downstairs. O well paws up and admit it....but at least I got the eggs LOL. Hope I still get breakfast and my toast and pate. I am a growing dog! All this walking and exercise makes a dog hungry. Anyway my mate Bryn is coming for tea tonight with his two legs. Quiche, Palma ham and Feta cheese for starters, spagetti Bol, and cheesecake for afters. AWESOME! I llluuuurrrrvvvveeee having company. Anyway suppose I had better go and make sure ths spag Bol is doing ok....talk soon. Cool runnings Gryff

What's the problem?

Ok, so what's the problem?? My bowl is empty, and somebody else's isn't , and if they move away, well tuff! We all get fed together at night after our walk, and we all have different ways of eating. Merlin is a firm believer in the Hoover method... Ears forward, switch on jaw and Hoover till it's all gone in about thirty seconds flat. Theia believes in the "I am a princess" approach, silver bowls butlers and manners which seems to take forever and Ghosty takes a rescues point of view, eats very slowly chewing every mouthful a hundred times incase he never gets fed again, and always always leaves some for Ron! (later Ron). Then there's the FUZZBALL and Me.... We go with the grab it quick method, as much as you can eat per mouthful without actually choking and when the bowl is empty go on the scrounge.... Alls fair in love and hunger. In fairness there is usually some bits left in a couple of bowls, even the following morning (when if we are lucky they get topped up with SAUSAGES) so what's the problem with bowl swopping? Just cause Merlin gets veteran, and I get large breed junior and everybody gets something else, I see absolutely no reason for there being a problem! you two legs always seem to get a choice of what's on the menu, so why can't we? Have you ever thought how BORING it is eating the same biscuits day after day, or the same can of whatever? I personally can say I love reindeer, and chicken hearts and green tripe ( BUT THEM INDOORS HATE THAT FOR SOME REASON) in fact I like pizza, lasagne, Indian, Chinese, kebabs.... Just any thing different. We always used to get table scraps years ago so why not now... As long as we get a decent base food then it would cost you all a lot less just to do that extra carrot or potato and add some meat juice to our dinners for a change. Toast, rice pudding, OMG.... I am starving... Sorry got to drag them all out for a walk , I just got to have my tea, but the walk always has to be done first.... Cool runnings Gryff

Bitch bulldozes van

Ok now I know for a fact that us K9's can get high as a kite on decorating fumes.... I have tried sniffing paint, wearing paint, mixing paint and my personal favourite HAIRING paint. It's a bit like ragging or sponging but you use any part of your anatomy that has long black fur on it. It also I might add , gives a textured finish where the fur sticks and then someone paints over it to hide it. CHEEKY so and so's....that's my best fur!! Anyway back to paint sniffing.... Last night after a day of it @@@@@@@ down of rain, and gallons of paint being throne about by Uncle Mike and her indoors, the gang and I eventually got to get in the van and go for a walk. Now we love going to different places walking, but last night was my choice and I wanted to go and see how Mr and Mrs B Owl were getting on. Her indoors said we had to leave them in peace and we haven't been there for a while in case there were eggs, because we have been known to make quite a cuffuffle when we are out together, but anyway I won and off we went. ( Not that she is tall enough to see if there were eggs anyway)! Anyway thinking she was being clever she dropped us off at the far end of the lane, and followed us down in the van as we all went loopy enjoying the run around, the puddles and all the mud we could find. I have explained before, that because there are some golden oldies (Merlin to be exact) she picks the tired dogs up when they decide they have had enough and then us fit handsome younger Berners can carry on without any tail nagging at us. Anyway, Freya and I were playing cowboys and Indians, with the van as the wagons and us as the indians. We went round and round and round barking and going bonkers, and I can only assume that either the paint fumes got to her or her bone shoot was so far open that she couldn't see, but Miss Freya ran straight into the front of the stationery van. There was such a funny bonging noise that for a couple of seconds I didn't realise what had happened. Anyway her indoors jumped out the van and ran round the front to see Miss Freya sitting on her rather wide but very delicate bum with stars circling her ears. She looked so funny, but you two legs do seem to panic over nothing, and she got put in the van and we all got taken home ASAP. (spoil sport that's what I think!) anyway by the time we all threw ourselves through the kitchen door looking for our tea, Fuzz Pot has got this lump on her head like a golf ball. Talk about fuss and fiddle. Do they ring the vets, where's the ice , cold compress , fuss fuss fuss, and that baggage was doing her dying dog act fit for an Oscar!, Anyway after enjoying all the fuss, having tea in her basket and being clucked over she decided she was fine , curled up and took it out on her chewy bone. What a performance.... What happened to our walk.? Why did we have to go back home, it's not like cars are small things. Typical female if you ask me, mouth in gear, brain out of gear!!! I know...boneist or what! Anyway I think when she woke up halfway through the night she realised what a spoil sport she had been, so she opened the back door for us, and we all went to play in the garden in the pouring rain. (opening that particular door is Freyas party trick... We are all trying to learn , but she has this particular knack so the two legs always know it's her). Anyway when the two legs got up at 5am this morning you can imagine what they found. Abstract mud paintings on the Walls, slide patterns on the floors, decorative mud flicks on the ceiling, you think of it ,we had done it. And we all were quite happily pretending to be asleep..... No point in looking to be told off is there? Can't say we got away with it but it could have been a lot worse...but it did stop the toast and pate. Not enough time to clear up and cook I expect...Anyway today my best mate Bryn came for the morning. Should have said I was too tired to play but I didn't. He is just that week older and bigger than me, and being a bit tired he won every wrestling match we had. Better get a decent nights kip tonight cause I hope he is coming back tomorrow , then I will be as quick as he is. OOOPS that might be a bit of a problem.... Did I tell you about the Grizzly Troll???? Well next week he was supposed to go into hospital to have a metal pin put in one of his three toes (trolls only have three toes on each foot) so he didn't wobble so much when he walked. Personally I think it's the weight of his club but nobody asked me...well anyway he went for the pre med as normal and he failed it. Apart from green not red , it appears he isn't a CLOT after all. Well the green sticky stuff won't, so he now has to wait, have another test and see if he is normal for a troll and they will re book the blacksmith for a later date. Is he ticked off or what!! He had this list of things he would not be able to do (just driving according to the vet) which got longer every day. No dog walking , washing up (standing) no shopping, no housework, no washing,no cooking or cleaning NO GOLF OR SHOOTING, etc etc etc . He even sorted out having our bones and pate delivered by the butcher, and now it's not going to happen. Think I will get five Kevlar jackets, tin hats and survival kits sorted before we go home..... Unless you have heard a troll , you have no idea how much noise they can make when they are in a bad mood in the middle of the night. Anyway, think that brings everybody up to date. Miss Freya by the way is fine, not even a black eye.... See you later guys...Cool runnings Gryff

I want to live forever....

Well I do.... I want to be fit, loved and live till I am a hundred, and I think every Bernese has the right to expect that. I know that her indoors was really really careful when she chose me, and she checked my ancestors as far as she could for longevity, a healthy body and the right kind of temperament.... It's amazing what you can do with a computer if you really try, and I also know that one of her main BUG BEARS is high inbreeding coi's. I think the thing that really started her off was when they lost Teague to cancer at nine. Watching him struggle and fade away was more than they could bear, and knowing that there was nothing they could do really broke their hearts. Now atlas a lady called Leanne Marsden has had the bottle to draw people's attention to what's going on. The fact that the HEALTH SEMINARS in September of last year were not attended by many of the KNOWN SHOW BREEDERS when they are the main stay of the breed is unforgivable. If my mum had thought she stood a chance of one of the limited spaces she would have jumped at it. When Kennel Mate became available, her indoors started checking the health information and the breed coi's for different dogs. She started watching show results for veteran classes and trying to find out how long various lines lived to, and if they had passed then what from. It's not ok anymore to line breed for a good looking dog that can take cc's like they are going out of fashion and then dies at five of cancer or another hereditary disease. Every dog bred has the right to a forever home and a full and happy life with a reasonable life expectancy. In the past certain well known breeders have had lines that regularly last till twelve plus, they don't line breed... They do study all the characteristics of the stud dogs they are thinking of using and take time making decisions. My big sister Freya looks like she may be in the puppy way, and her dog was one of three that mum looked at. Freyas coi is lower than the breed 5.1 by a reasonable amount. Her hips and elbows are 5/7 0/0 and because she does not show she was deemed to by by one Doyenne of the breed to be from the wrong side of the tracks. She should coco!!!! That opinion was passed on to then owner of the main stud dog that her indoors was interested in, and she refused the mating. When mum asked why, she told her so rather than be rude on the phone her indoors said ok, and then sat down and wrote a ten page letter explaining her choices and her research. That breeder then chose to ring back and say that having read the information and checked it, she had changed her mind and the dog was available. That in itself says a lot for that particular lady.... But why should a dog that doesn't show be penalised when it comes to breeding? I am half Belgian, Merlin is half Australian and that enlarges the gene pool in a major way. Having said that, her indoors has rung twice a year with updates on one of us lot to the breeder and after fourteen phone calls not one was ever returned. Not even when her indoors wanted to confirm the spelling of the dam to enter One of the dogs in a class at a show. So much for breeders that care!!!! Then you get a breeder like Luddenden or Dolyhir who don't show and they keep in touch .... Are they also from the wrong side of the tracks? If there is a litter in May, I know that to the best of our mums ability they should be fit and healthy, with a laid back temperament, and a coi of less than 2.... Then comes the 'FUN' of finding the right kind of homes for them. All that with no help from those who should be the people that a novice breeder can turn to for help. Ms Marsden has taken the bull by the horns so all I can say is GO FOR IT GIRL , you love the breed and you want the best for it so stick to your guns. There are good breeders out there too and novices that want to be GOOD breeders and need help to get ther. Think about it people, we need you to be there for us, and our love is unconditional. Cool runnings Gryff

I knew it, I said she was upset....

I told you so, I said HRH was all upset.... All that hard work half cream half black and mum didn't even say a word... So today she really went for it. She decided to go really fashionable and go wild animal. Zebra to be exact. Really nice stripes, with a big blodge on her bum. She looked really cool. Me, well I kept it simple . Just the tips of my ears and over the top of my nose. I thought I looked a bit like a Nubian warrior or an Aborigine. Well that's what I went for anyway. I personally think she indoors was best, cause she missed her footing coming off the ladder and you should have seen her. LOL LOL. Paint everywhere except on the wood or the plaster. I suppose I shouldn't laugh but it was funny. I think every stitch of clothing she was wearing is currently in the washing machine. Oh and you know we were worried about how we were going to get our bones and things. Well now dad has sorted out that one of the ladies that works there is going to drop off our bones and mince and stuff so dad won't have to worry. Anyway it's time for tea and I need to go upstairs with the Troll to sort out our gear for clay pidgeon shooting tomorrow. Take care Bryn and your two legs coming home, hope you have filled up on cream teas and pasties. Remember NO HOLES. Cool runnings Gryff

Designer dogs

I have been reading all these magazine articles and seeing all these designer dogs wandering around and thinking WHAT ABOUT ME, and today I saw my chance. Some crazy lady I know decided out of the blue this morning to start decorating, so we purchased two huge pots of paint (and I mean big because I can't move them) in a gentle shade of magnolia. An hour later she has not one but two designer dogs. Freya went for the Ying/Yang look, one side of the body black and the other side cream including those long flirty eyelashes of hers, and I went for the new Dalmation look. That is body black with cream spots at various intervals, and AND I removed the paint tin lid from the table and carried it around for a while so I had a cream moustache and cream toe nails to match. Very Poirot I thought. For some reason her indoors didn't comment..... She just stood there and looked at us, then just walked away. If I were Freya I think I would have been a bit upset , what does she want... A cat walk? and when I got home last night the Grizzly Troll was waiting for me. Some big barker had grassed my blogg up to him and he had spent the afternoon catching up with me. OOOPS!!!! Never mind, he still can't run as fast as me, or turn circles at the speed I can. And in a weeks time he will be even slower on his paws... He is having a pin put in his bottom paw so no chance then is there. Be laughing all the way to the butchers! Except how do we get our bones for a couple of weeks? Will have to have a little think about that one! Poor chap will have to give up ball chasing for a few weeks too.... How the golf course will survive I can't think. So what do you think about my new fur patterns. Bet I will be hard to find in the dark. That means I might get my own back on Slice n dice or Fatcat. Both have this thing about our baskets, and once they are in they won't get out, or leave us enough space to get in. Having said that Slice n dice can be found curled up in the weirdest of places..the sink...the top of the fountain in the garden... Anywhere odd really. Well she's a cat so what more can you say! Talked to my mate Bryn today. Still eating pasties and cream teas , and his 'her indoors' has said that she will make me some when they get home next weekend. AWESOME can't wait. Anyway better go and help with the clearing up.... Just had a fun thought.... My friend Flo has taught me how to tip up the water bowl when it's full so the water flies across the room....one good dab with the left front law and it's fun time. Wonder what will happen if I try it with that tray of paint.... Here goes.....cool runnings Gryff

No more holes!!!!

I have just been wandering around the Berner sites, only to find that a dog called Timber has fallen into one of his own holes and broken his leg really badly. He is currently in a vet hospital, so we send loads of love and wish him well, and to his two legs, we are thinking of you. So now I have decided that I am going to fill in all my holes, because it would be just my luck if she that mst be obeyed or old Grizzly fell in one.... And then who would feed us.? Talking of food, I have just treated myself to a chicken and sweetcorn sandwich. AWESOME. The box was a bit of a so and so, but I am a clever bloke and I got there eventually. Only needs HER to realise it's missing now. Breakfast at five, toast and pate at six thirty, biscuits at nine and then brunch sandwiches a little while ago. If you could see my great big feet and ears you would understand why I am always hungry. SHE says that every time I lie down I grow , and then I have to eat again to fill up the paws and ears. Last night I found a real delicacy ..FOX POO. Never ever again, I was so sick , don't know what dogs see in it myself! No wonder I am so hungry today. Merlin said I should have rolled in it, but I think he was winding me up. Can't imagine anybody cuddling me if I was wearing that as after shave. YUK!! And another thing.... If they keep taking me out for all these walks and run arounds, it's their fault not mine I am hungry. Next thing you know she will be trying to stuff worm tablets down my throat. Well knickers to that for a bonio. Found another page you might like to look at... Bernese mountain dog lovers and I think it's on Facebook. It's a new one only recently started but well worth a look...try it. My mate Bryn will be home soon so must tell him to fill in his holes too. Anyway, think I need to disappear for a little while.... Somebody is looking for some sandwiches, hope I hid the packet properly lol. Cool runnings Gryff

Who let the wind out, woof woof woof?

Ok now this was my first Easter and I thought it would be lovely and warm and all it's done is blow a gale and rain like mad.I was really disappointed aswell because we didn't get one egg between us, not one. Apparently on Saturday morning, when her indoors went to get us something special, her purse was missing from her handbag. She got in a right old stew. She had us looking everywhere even places that only an idiot would put a purse. Then about four o'clock when she had given up, she happened to walk past Ghosties pot, and there it was. Now I know he sometimes pinches her gloves or slippers to cuddle, but her purse. That dog has got more brains than I gave him credit for BUT he chose a really bad time to do it. It cost all of us our Easter treat. Sunday went out to a new river bank where there were loads of other dogs strutting their stuff, and my ears kept blocking them out because of the wind... Then when we turned round to come back it kept blowing up my tail. Undignified or what? There were setters, jacks, labs and bitza's everywhere , some had even been in the river.. Crazy dogs ( now I know where the phrase MAD DOGS comes from) and it could have been real fun. Then I got in trouble because I didn't recall ,but honest I never heard her in the wind. Well that's my story and I am sticking to it! Bit like when I shoot off next-door cause the ladies are just sitting down to coffee and BISCUITS , if you get my drift. Even now after having pinched a packet of twenty chews off the table I can still feel the cold. I think they must not be feeding me enough... What do you think? Her indoors says it's because my puppy coat is falling out and my other one hasn't grown properly, but I noticed that Merlin was wearing a big green jacket thing when he got dragged out in the rain... So where's mine? Ooops shouldn't have mentioned the chews but Aunty Jackie grassed me up this morning. I was only copying Freya, because she took a load off the table first thing, although her indoors caught her out. See that just proves my point, we are all starving. Just cause we had sausage for breakfast yesterday and pate and toast and bone casserole for tea, well I am a growing lad!! And Bryn keeps telling me about Cornish pasties and cream teas. Now he will be needing a good run when he gets back... Another edge to me in the hole digging competition. What is a dog supposed to do? Then after the river, they went to a garden centre and bought loads of green things in pots. I call it plain ungrateful because where ever I dig them a hole , it's always wrong... Why dont they just tell me when and where and then I won't get in trouble. I know one thing, I am not going out there now. Curled up warm and comfortable so no chance. I shall just pretend to be asleep when they try dragging me out for another walk. Time for a few zzzzzzz's in my opinion. Wonder if I will dream this time. They laugh at me because my paws twitch, or so they tell me, and I woof in my sleep too. At least I don't snore as loud as Merlin does.... Noisy fussy womanising old so and so....wish I could get away with it like he does.... Cool runnings Gryff

Theias birthday

Happy bone day dear Tizzy, you have made it to your special birthday. Keys to the kennel and a mobile bone, what more can a girl ask for. And your party was absolutely brill. Green tripe followed by a good kip and then out across the ploughed fields chasing ducks. AWESOME!! Trust Merlin to be all sensible and not join in. Anybody would think he knew we weren't going to catch them. Just think , fresh duck a la orange or duck pate , it could have been mega, but what's he do, just stand there watching them fly in his direction .... Barking doesn't stop them you old fraud.!!! got to say the ploughed field was nearly as good as the snow. You can really get a good bounce going if you just land on the top bits. And you can get your legs mudded up to the elbows and she can't catch you... Wonder what other treats we can wangle for the day? Funny it's a bit of a sad day aswell, it's two years since great uncle Teague passed away. Never met him myself but they tell us lots of stories of his doings... He even has his own number plate on the Trolls car. Cool or what! Had a missive from my mate Bryn... Sunning himself down in Devon. It appears everybody thinks he is a St Bernard.... I mean what idiots ! ! His legs are too short for a start,just like mine. Just tell them you are a Welsh Dragon mate, that will shut em all up. And, and he is getting loads of cream teas into the bargain. Bet he starts the day with a full English aswell, he will be a proper little barrel when he gets back. At least I will have the edge on the hole digging competition when he gets back. Still don't know if big sis is expecterant!!! She is a bit short tempered with me at the moment, but then so is Merlin. They keep saying it's me and that I have no manners. Just because I have more energy than all them nailed together doesn't mean I am rude!! Just bouncy, and if they break their chewy stick in half and a piece lands on the floor, they can't honestly expect me to leave it there... I am a growing bloke, and I am always hungry. Anyway, according to Bryn, if she is I can go and stop with him... And his mum cooks fresh for him most days...sounds better as I am saying it. Tizzy got birthday cards from her brothers and her mum at the Luddenden kennel...and they sent pictures, so she wants to do one of those posh photo shoots with all nail polish and fluffed up fur from having her fur done.... So her indoors has booked US ALL, us blokes aswell in at the poodle parlour... If they think I am going to stand still for that they can coco! And if I have to go the first thing I will do is go and find some fox poo. I am not going around smelling like a fluff ball...knickers to that for a job. Oh and that's another thing.. Apparently I am getting too gobby , and my language is getting a bit strong for the girls. It's ok if Merlin says there things , just because he is the senior Berner, but I can't.... Well who do you think is applying for his job soon.. YES ME! Anyway got to go back to the party, so will say enjoy Easter but STAY OFF THE CHOCOLATE it's bad for you. Cool runnings Gryff

The expert Troll

Nanny Broels, you know you said that you and Lexii were out looking for a handsome chap to have some puppies with.... Well can I ask if that is where The Evil Grizzly Grumpy Frog Speaking Troll took you and Freya for the day not so long ago??? If it is, I think you ought to know that he considers himself well versed in these affairs of the paws and I am absolutely positive that he would have been MORE THAN HAPPY to have given you the benefit of his HUGE HUGE HUGE experience. And just to confirm his abilities I would remind you that he is also an EXPERT in the redesigning of motor cars, since he has re shaped she who must be obeyed's car twice.... The last time the WHOLE BACK END, just like yours.... I REST MY CASE!! Having said that, it has just crossed my mind that Freya may therefore be pregnant! I suppose you think that's funny, because that will make me an uncle and I don't want to be. I know what it will be, fetch that, get this, chase your tail to keep them amused..... Well it's not going to happen!!! I am not going to puppy sit just because I am their uncle.... And what happens if the Troll gets hungry. I have seen how much he can eat. Bet you want me to bark and bark and keep them safe. Well if that's the case then Merlin will have to get off his big round bum and help too. So now I suppose we all have to sit back and wait and see what happens. O M G! If Freya and Lexii are expecting I shall have to run from ours to yours and back again, till they all grow up! Bet there will be loads of them, and all girls....just my luck! You are just trying to wear me out aren't you... That's it, I am not thinking about it any more....it's giving me a funny turn. Where's are my mates Alex or Bryn when I need them. Off on holiday scoffing cream teas and going out for the day. I need you fellas, get your furry bums back here now!! On another subject, my auntie Jackie is in the poo with Merlin again. No massage till next week and he only got a 'quickie' this morning. And she was moaning his fur was still wet. What does she expect when it's pawing with rain. I HAVE JUST HAD A REALLY GOOD IDEA!!! My brother Saxon lives with a lady who works with two legged puppy's every day... So if I get hold of Saxon ,he can tell his mum and she can come and puppy sit and I can escape. I can just imagine all those females sitting in a circle, cooing over the puppy's , making a fuss of them all, then us guys can disappear into the nearest fields and come back when everyone is asleep. JUST CALL ME A GENIUS. Better get gone and do some e pawing.. Talk later, cool runnings Gryff

Bring me sunshine

This morning it was glorious.... Birds every where including Brutus who was sitting in the middle of the lane, playing chicken with a flatbed. We pulled up behind the lorry (since he was sitting in the middle of the road and we had no option) only to find that his hazards flashing in the early morning sun didn't mean that he had broken down, but that Brutus was firmly in control of the Tarmac, and wasn't prepared to give it up. Poor bloke looked really upset....He won't move, I've pipped him and reved the engine and he just sits there.... Do you think he is hurt? What a pleasant change to the average guy who would just have kept going. " I think it must be an eagle of some sort...what do you think? With that, and a very smug look on his beak, Brutus lazily flapped his wings a couple of times and just rose into the air and without a backward glance , showed this poor bloke his tail feathers. Bugger! Said the guy, wound his window up and chugged off into the wild blue yonder. A morning he will never forget. Personally I think Brutus was just finishing his breakfast and didn't want to rush it.... Probably some mole or rabbit that was silly enough to shove it's head above ground. Personally I prefer waiter /waitress service and my dinner in my bowl....pate on toast, digestive biscuits, bone casserole... Not fussy! Anyway that was this morning and it was lovely, now it's throwing down hail and freezing cold. Bet the troll doesn't cover up the new plants in the garden.... She will be well impressed with that. Apparently years ago they used to have a really nice garden but now of course they have us. Can't have both and I personally think that we are better. The good bit about it is that when we get home I can do a grand ski ing turn across the dog room, utility and kitchen, wag my extremely wet tail (especially mudded for the occasion ) across the cooker fridge and washing machine and the Grizzly Troll won't be able to touch me cause her indoors will be there. He really is getting on my tail with this frog dog thing. Now I know how Poirot feels, we are both Belgian NOT FROG! Anyway revenge will be sweet, and then it's time for tea. Excellent. On a different note, I see Nanny Broels is keeping in the family tradition and having her car redesigned. Know the feeling nanny but REALLY REALLY glad tha none of you were hurt. You just can't trust two legs in four wheels. Much better a Berner in a cart, far safer if you ask me. And say what you will I think Troll drivers are the absolute worst....either that or they all need their eyes testing. Anyway enough said, just glad you are ok. Hails stopped, time to go and annoy the Troll..... AWESOME... O and a quick hello to my mates Alex and Bryn. Enjoy the holidays.... Cool runnings Gryff

The Trolls Ancestral Home

OK what's a trolls ancestral home called....A MOUND, A PIT, Grizzlington Cave.... Ok I give up, but anyway that's where he was all weekend. I know this for a fact cause I saw him pack his club in his big hairy bag, but I think it must have been a friendly bash cause he had leather covers on the spikes. Either that or he didn't want to scratch his delicate little mitts. I hope he knows how much work that puts on me. Senior guard dog at five and a half months. AWESOME. Well Ghostie does a better impression of a White wobbly jelly than a guard dog, and Merlin is too busy chatting up totty. Besides which he is as deaf as a post now. Except of course if there is sweet papers rustling or the ice cream van is about.... Then he hears things. Her indoors had me outside gardening, checking that the washing was pegged out right, arguing with the Hoover and and, she turned me out if my lovely warm comfortable flat to sleep on a cold hard floor. Just because she thought it was a bit warm for a fur coat..... Like she would know!!!!! Then Theia did a bunk and went AWOL on her walk , talking to a Jack Russell she was, the Freya was pawly, I mean how much does a dog have to put up with for Bones sake? I think this place would just grind to a halt if it wasn't for me. And then today I was up at 4am. Yes you read it right. She always has this hot date with a Dutchman on a Monday. I personally think there's something funny going on. She always leaves us in the van so we don't see any thing, and then she tries to bribe us by taking us for a long walk down one of the lanes on the way to work. I know there is something going on and I WILL FIND OUT WHAT! Today all I have done is make sure Aunty Jackie and her indoors have kept their noses to the grind stone, do this , fetch that, scratch my earnand massage Merlins back. I really do have to keep an eye on them. OK now it's beginning to bug me.... WHAT IS A TROLLS HOME CALLED! I WANT TO KNOW! got to go and google it... Will say ttfn , any ideas send them back to me.... How about DOOM CASTLE....cool runnings Gryff