BALLS... Yes you heard right... BALLS

Have you ever been out with someone and they have been such a pain in the bone that you swear blind you will never go out with them again... WELL I HAVE!!! Those two @@@@@  nieces of mine are the absolute end.  Merlin and I decided we would take them out this morning down one of those long straight country lanes we have  where we live. Now normally  they are not too bad, but last couple of days they have been right little  @@@'s, so we thought wear them out and we will have peace for the day. In our paw twitching dreams!  Lacey decides she is leaving home and heads out into the wild green yonder, through nettles and dock leaves and those round sticky bud things that we call Chickweed. Bet you all know it, the leaves and the stems stick to you and they are covered in millions of small round balls. They were in her ears ,around her eyes , all through her tail, infact I can't think of any place they weren't, and would she come back... NO CHANCE.  Her indoors went ballistic , wading through the nettles , getting stung to bits, she was not a happy Girl. In the end we put Asti on a long lead and sent her in to find her sister who by now we could only locate by the nettles moving. I told her, she needn't expect Merlin or me to go in after her..... Little @@@@! Well to cut a long story short, her indoors managed to catch hold of Lacey's collar, and she was done for. The pair of them stood there GREEN. There must have been hundreds of bobbles on each of them, so when we got to work, we had to go out and buy a special comb thing to sort them out. We tried the pet shop, the dog groomers and eventually the £1 shop for the little horrors. By this time of course they were scratching and trying to pull them out themselves, so AUNTY JACKIE and my mate Rowan got volunteered to help sort them out. With the three two legs it took over two hours to get the worst out, and we still keep finding  them on them. Apart from that, it's hit my bone and biscuit money.... If anyone uses a rude word infront of Rowan they have to cough up 30p for his money box... His dads bright idea, and you can guess how many of those were used plus of course the cost of the new comb... Now you know why I feel like saying BALLS !  I mean what happens if I need a new ball or a special bone or something? They can wag their biscuit money goodbye this weekend, Merlin and I want that. Anyway, I suppose I have calmed down a bit now I have told you all about it. Just take my advice and stay away from grass seeds, especially the spikey ones, because they can do us a lot of damage in the wrong place!!! Cool runnings   Gryff

I did it....

I did it, I said I  would!! She who thinks she must be obeyed nearly got away with it, but I got her there in the end! One word of advice though ... NEVER EVER EVER let a troll programme your SAT NAV. I mean how big is Newmarket Race Courses? And we still managed to miss it by twenty eight miles ddddduuuuurrrrrhhhhh. It's like I have always said, four fingers and toes on a troll and they are way too big for the average sat nav to cope with. Will just have to do it myself next time. The old dear was getting in a right old stew because we were still wandering around the A14 at quarter past nine and the show started at nine thirty. Take a pill I said, a chill pill, and we got there just in time, and there was my Nanny Broels waiting  for us.  She had us walking and running and standing and sitting and anything else she could think of, bless her. She was even kind enough to suggest that somebody who knew what they were doing, as in not mum and me, would help me strutt my stuff, but I wasn't going to have that. Got say there was some gorgeous totty about... Oh and I discovered CHEESE in a big way.... Seemed a lot of the other dogs liked it too, along with my all time favourite SAUSAGES. We thought we were just doing two classes, but every time I walked out of a ring, Nanny would say " in that one now, go on" ...... But all in all it was quite fun. There were some really nice people there, some who would say hello, and some I thought might be related to SLICE N DICE my cat.... If you know what I mean. We just went for some fun. My mum told me I was the best dog going in and the best dog coming out, and she wasn't bothered about what happened in the middle. Good job because it thundered  and poured down with rain for ages and ages, and we got rather wet..... Had to laugh though... Why don't you two legs do as we do? She who must be obeyed decided she really really needed to go to the ladies, right in the middle of the thunder storm. Yes you got it.... Now I know what a drowned rat looks like!  Anyway eventually the sun came back out and I dragged her back into the show ring. And that's another thing, you need four paw drive on wet grass, so why do you only have two? Much safer our way if you ask me! Will tell you more next time , perhaps even the odd picture of drowned rats, lol, take care all, Cool runnings Gryff

The Trolls are gathering....

Not good, been reading about Theia's family on Bonsai Mountain, and they have got trouble with Trolls too. Like us they have been receiving SBS training to cope with the last walk  in the dark. (SBS is Special Bernese Service and only the bravest are good enough) the woods by us or our riverbank to say nothing of their Bonsai mountain can be SCAREY  places if you are not brave of heart.  It's the two spots of red that watch you as you are walking out, or the certain knowledge that someone is high up in a  tree. Worse still is that second when something gallops across the path infront of you and it's three times your size. Her indoors always says that a deer can't hurt you but they do look big when they go flying by.  And the swans , well just don't go there is all I can say. Think we might struggle this year with the two youngsters to finish training in time for the dark nights , but hey ho, we have to try. Just have to put them next to she who must be obeyed and form a circle around them to keep them safe.   Talking of scared... Yours truly has entered himself for a dog show at Newmarket this weekend...... All that totty they told me, but now I am beginning to wonder if I did the right thing???  Oh well to quote the SBS......  He who dares wins bones.   Cool runnings Gryff

Going down.....

Anybody checked our inbreeding coi in the last few days????? It's gone down from 5.1 to 4.8 HURRAY! Ok it's only a little bit but it is definately the right direction.  But then we seem to be developing a couple of other problems.... The number of bitches missing after matings  and when they are in whelp... The size of the litter! I keep looking on Facebook and the litters on the continent just seem so much bigger that ours, nine and ten pups seems standard to them, while here it seems to average four or five pups! Any body got any bright ideas???

Out with the kids....

Now I know why Merlin likes being a grand-dog..... You get to give them back at the end of the day. Boy did I want the end of the day to come yesterday. Took the little perishers (the pups) out with the Troll and Co for a bit of socialisation to a small dog get together raising funds for PAT dogs. It was a nice little everything show just off  the A17. Bit of have a go agility, fastest recall, prettiest bitch ( my personal favourite that)  etc. Not a bad day weather wise, until it rained...and it thundered, and it rained and rained and rained. Typically English weather. There some nice bits of stuff there too. Some Leonburgers, red setters, a pretty Berner called Flo, greyhounds , whip it quicks, jacks.... You got it...all and their two legs. Got promised an icecream too, but as usual I am still waiting. Just cause the two legs deal in cash, doesn't mean we can't too.... Anybody tried that new K9 icecream yet? It's supposed to be awesome.  Her indoors is on a bit of a health food junket at the moment. She keeps looking for dog food analysis sites to see what's in all our foods. Boy is she hard to please! Can't see the problem really... Nice tidy steak, few veg so I get my five a day, three times daily, or perhaps a nice juice chicken. Jobs a good un.... But no she has to go ferriting for more info. According to her, there is more to hurt at times than will do us good, so we are getting more and more home cooked. You don't hear me moaning, I think it's great, especially starting the day with Pâté on toast.... I know but a guy has to have some treats...  Why don't you try looking what you are eating and how much it really needs to cost.... Cool runnings Gryff

Jobs for dogs

Well yet again it's pouring with rain, and I am bored. I've done the puppy club, done the training bit, and I rather thought that with Merlin retiring I had a full time job to look forward to... But no chance!!! Three days off work and he's back again.....that dog just can't keep away. So anyway I have decided to look for a part time job. Been gently browsing thro Dogs for the Disabled...thought about PAT dogs and then found out that great adopted grandad McGyver, (he was a huge great GSD that looked like a bear) great uncle Teague, and even Merlin have all done it before me, so do I want to carry on the tradition or shall I try something else? then I started reading about PAWS... Anybody heard of them? No I thought not... Well Paws are run by Dogs for the Disabled to help families with Autistic children. Did you know that the waiting list for a fully trained Autistic Assistance dog is three and a half years? That's a very long time when you are a child who struggles to communicate, suffers anxiety at the smallest change in their lives... Even things like putting the wrong shoe on first can trigger an anxiety attack. They can't make friends in school, they struggle to learn in a normal school environment and they still have to learn life skills that you and I take for granted. They can't enjoy sharing interests or achievements with other people or understand why somebody is suffering pain or sorrow. Infact as many as 40 percent of people will never speak at all and then as they grow into their teens they are at an increased risk of depression and epilepsy. But the really sad thing is that these children usually have above average intelligence. Now as a Bernese mountain dog I think they need our help. Because there aren't enough assistance dogs to go around, PAWS run training courses for the parents of Autistic children, on how to train their pet dogs to help with the kids. That means that we could help. Simple things like fetching a shoe for a child to put on means that yes it's a change , but the dog is a constant, reducing stress. Walking to and from school every day, or just sitting beside them (wearing your doggy seatbelt I might add) when they go out in the car. Learning to listen for sounds of stress in the child's voice, and going and pushing your nose against their hand, time and time again till they realise you are there for them. To be there if they wake up in the dark and are frightened, they are all things us Berners can do.... Autistic children frequently can't make us understand what they want or need, they become frustrated and difficult to handle, but you and I know that us Berners can cope with most things. When they struggle to keep their physical balance they can lean on us, when they cry because nobody seems to understand them, we could be there for them, we could love them back as only a canine can. We all know that touching and stroking a dog is therapeutic . It relieves stress, emotions anxiety and lowers the blood pressure..... And then there are the parents. We could give them half an hour of our time two or three times a day. Take them out for a walk with us so they can relax too.... Be there for them when life is if you will forgive the pun...Being a Bitch. Us Berners were just made for the job. Loving devoted family orientated and just plain good looking.... We have everything to offer. Sounds like just the job for me. Although I am not a PAT dog, all my family does loads of charity work so we spend a lot of time with children and the physically and mentally dis-advantaged, and they are just so loving. Some even pop in to work to see us in their wheelchairs etc. We have one young man who wears ear protecters all the time, but when he comes through our door , his face lights up and we sit in a row, and he has to decide which dog to stroke first, and to do this he has to say our name.... His carer says its the only time he tries to speak, any other time he will sign, but who cares.... Think about it everybody... Could you do that job, would your owner/breeder help you to help somebody else...... GO FOR IT , Us Berners can do anything if we are taught correctly. If nothing else I hope I have made you think, go on the Internet ( owners permission of course) find out what you can do for others. Do a sponsored cart pull, or a special biscuit and spoon race to raise awareness or sponsorship for the full time assistance dogs at your local dog show. If any dog can , WE CAN. Cool runnings Gryff

Party cake all round

Well we did it, we ad the most amazing BBQ.... Thirteen Berners one shepherd about thirteen adults two kids and a troll. Got the old trout out of bed nice and early and sat and watched the oven from about seven am as a constant stream of goodies came and went and then got placed high up so they thought I couldn't reach. YEH like that would ever happen. You are talking about Mr Catburgler himself here. If I want it I will reach it. Got Freya in trouble tho.... She got caught. Then there was the chicken the steak kebabs beef burger sausages AWESOME and we all got them. We did all us dogs too. Even Morgan who is supposed to have a tricky stomach. Somebody is having a laugh... He can keep up with the best of us and no bad results.! Then there was a cheesecake courtesy of Echo, Brynn bought a couple of crumbles a walnut cake and two TOTALLY DOG CAKES which we all polished off, then there was fruit salad trifles ( now they were great because I snook a bit f one of those, and that cream stuff is GORGEOUS, oh and two bone shaped cakes one blue white for Merlin and one pink white for the girls christening . Got to say that I am already looking for another excuse to party... It was brill. The Troll made us laugh tho.... Asked if anybody wanted to watch the motor racing... Ended up watching with the two kids and him. His face was a picture.... Anyway suppose I had better go and fill those two holes I dug in. Be just my luck if the pups fall in , get all mucky and take it indoors.. Or worse, fall in and can't get out. Cool runnings Gryff