My first Halloween.... Brill

Am I looking forward to tonight....big time. I've got it all sorted and am going to have a cracking time. Been staying a few days with boss dog Merlin at aunty Jackies...( she and she who must be obeyed are witches of the same covern) so first of all we are going out trick and treating with the little ones, basically as guard werewolves. AJ has tried to get us costumes, but no go so she says she will make us something to wear. Then it's back to the covern for a troll, witch, banshee and dwarf get together, and then Merliburles and I are going flying on broom sticks with the witches. Why should all the cats have fun, and us be left behind??? It's something we have never done before, but I noticed the other day that the ladies were sprucing up their broomsticks. You know, checking the headlights, sat nav, emissions all that kind of thing. I hope her indoors isn't in pole position, cause the terrorists chewed the top of her broom where the SAT NAV WAS, and knowing her capacityfor getting lost it would be next Halloween before we got back. ( for that read she missed Newmarket Race course by 28 miles when we were going to a show there last summer). Not quite decided on how I am going to perch on the thing.... Looks a bit narrow for my hairy butt, but no cat is going to outdo me! And if it comes to that, Merlins butt is way wider than mine. Then of course there's aunty Sarah...... Talk about lame excuses.... She broke her ankle ten days ago and it's all plastered up, well she will just have to weight the other leg to balance it off.... Trying to stay at home indeed!!! I know, they can sling one of those great big padded dog beds between four brooms , one at each corner and bones your uncle! Couple of safety belts and job done....... Look out everyone..... Here we come..... Cool runnings Gryff

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Ok... Now tell us again.... What exactly is snow?

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Well help me.... I've tried explaining but I just don't seem to be getting through to the puppy's. How exactly do you explain snow to a dog that has never seen it, even if they are really a snow dog born and bred. It's white, it's fluffy, it weighs nothing and always comes from above you. When you put your paws in it, it's kind of crunchy, but disappears to nothing when you put your paw down properly. If you sit down in it, it tickles and when you wag your tail it fans out every where. Sometimes it's really hard to see through it, but if it's at night every where seems to light up . If you try eating it, it's cold but then it's gone but you haven't actually eaten it!  Oh I give up.... Let's just leave it to the weather men, and see if we do get some on the coast. It will be the second lot for me, and the last lot was AWESOME. I know what I will do, I will look for some pictures so they can see what it looks like if nothing else. Every Bernese 's dream, snow snow snow.  In our house there tend not to be too many rules, but no 1 has and always will be....IF IT SNOWS! EVERYBODY OUT! NO MATTER WHAT TIME OF DAY  OR NIGHT IT IS. Cool runnings Gryff

Sherlock Bones..... Another case for

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Once again the "establishment" has felt the need to call in the services of Sherlock Bones, in the perplexing case of the missing toast. Well it's either that or the Troll is surcombing to dementia!! This morning seven slices of toast were cut, cooked and left on the bread board to cool, ready for their pate. Funny that, with Freya on compassionate duties there are only six of us, but for some reason we forgot to tell him(oooops!)  that is until it came to spreading the pate. Now Freya is well known for her pole dancing, jumping up door frames and looking sexy and doe eyed until she gets her fuss from the troll as a prequel to counter surfing. She has even been known to flick the light switch off and in the confusion  do a bit of snatch and run, but today she is innocent. The lights remained on, no burglars were seen, no cats were present but the toast still disappeared. Now as Sherlock Bones says.... If you remove the improbable then what's left must be what happened!, Merlins and my manners are too good to steal toast ,(for that read not worth the agro unless it's steak) Freya is not here, Ghostie being white would have been seen and that leaves HRH Theia, who believe me doesn't do a thing for herself when the servants are about. .... And that includes removing crusts from her toast. So who does that leave????? You got it...Chaos and Havoc (aka the puppies).  Now said terrorists are well skilled at black ops, camouflage , hit and run, and in some cases torture too..... You ask Fatcat, Misscat and Slice n dice, they will put you straight on that one....SBS eat your heart out. So on that basis the terrorists must be responsible  for all items stolen and hidden from the general melee. Question is, do we give them to the cats to have their paws tickled, their ears licked till they are so soggy that they drip, or let the three cats hang on to their tails to stop them leaving for sanctuary.... All methods  previously employed in torturing the cats till they give up their biscuits to the pups. OR do we remove their slices until they return their hostage for spreading and eating? Your choice folks......Cool runnings Gryff

Localised feather showers.......

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Now I am sure that all of you will remember my two nieces born 15 th May this year, and who now are starting to look like proper Berners at last. The little treasures weigh about five stone now and are nearly level with their mum and aunty Tizz. (Theia) . Now most of you are well aware that appearances can be deceptive... And boy oh boy have they fooled the troll BIG TIME!!!! Being a creature of comfort himself, and considering the girls HOUSETRAINED, he decided to have a rootle through the ancestral pit and find two very fine red and grey soggy type baskets so ....the girls could lay back and dream Berner dreams in style. Anyway, not to put too fine a point on it..... The girls had their own plan, to decorate the kitchen overnight in a cobweb style totally in keeping with Halloween.  She who must be obeyed is always a light sleeper and came down a bit early to see what was going on to find feathers threads and anything white hanging from the cupboards, the ceiling, the light fittings, top of the doors, (of which or should I say witch there are three) infact anywhere it could get purchase. And then of course there were the smaller bits still falling like a light snow to the floor. Unfortunately as she came through the first door, the draft she generated lifted the whole lot up into the  air again and pushed it through into the utility and the dog room aswell. So the girls effectively decorated half the downstairs floor ready for Halloween . Add to that they appear to have been recording the CBBBEES at the same time and it was only going to be a matter of time before the troll got it in the neck for mega rank stupidity. Sometimes, just occaisionally I do feel sorry for him.... He did mean well!  I would think he is still tidying up, but every time someone moves the darn stuff just floats off to another corner or light fitting. ...... And more to the point, where have they hidden the tv remote??  Never been to a troll funeral, but there's always a first time...... Cool runnings Gryff

The beautiful Florence ......

As most of you will know by now, the Berner world has another beautiful angel watching over her family now. The beautiful Flo passed on Sunday at the tender age of sixteen  months, leaving her two and four legged family heartbroken and wondering why. Flo also known as Flo Jo and Florence Josephine was loving,  giving and oh so special to all given the privilege of being with her, carting showing or just strutting her stuff on a walk.  I know she had the ability to make people laugh and smile, and she loved being a working girl with all the attention that went with it. Work will never be the same without her bouncing around and her tail knocking things about. To you two legs , the pain takes over, and the tears keep coming. Something you don't expect will catch you out, and the tears start again, and again and again, you have to face telling all the people that know us what has happened, and try not to cry infront f them. It feels like your world has stopped, and nobody has an answer when you ask WHY? WHY MY DOG? All I can say to you is that every Berner is put here for a reason, to love unconditionally. If you are lucky enough to be one of the people we go to, savour every moment, take pictures of everything we do. Never be afraid to cuddle us, or cry into our fur when it feels as though your world is out of control or falling apart. That is what we are with you for. If you want us cuddling up in bed....do it. Does it matter what a dog trainer says , you need us, and we need to be there for you.  For every Berner there is a special person or family.... Someone we will never leave. Yes the body will eventually give up, but the spirit and the love remain. The memories will come and go, as will the tears for the rest of your life. But don't you see..... That's when we are closest to you.....  If you don't believe me just watch for us, watch your other dogs even ones that we never met. They will one day do something that we always did,  and you will think of us. It's the paw prints we leave on your hearts that are important, not the muddy ones on the floor that you moan about. Us Berners live life as it comes... We don't worry about tomorrow as long as we have today with you. We miss you Flo. Loved and never forgotten beautiful lady. Cool runnings Gryff xxx

Love sick and suffering.....

I am never ever going to fall in love. It makes you grouchy, hungry , bad tempered, moody and over all you just look stupid. How can a dog I have respected all my puppy life make such a spectacle of himself. FEMALES!!!!! can't live without them, and he certainly can't live with them.Talk about howling at the moon... He's not eating, he doesn't want to go out. Last night he jumped the baby gate and he's ninety for bones sake. He could have caught something important on the top or worse and then where would he be? Yes the VETS!!! First , two weeks ago it was Freya, then this week Tizzy and worst of all for him, his beloved  Florence Josephine, so he won't see her for nearly three weeks. If he carrys on like this, he will have got that thin he will have fallen through the cracks in the floor tiles. I've tried barking at him, pinching his food, running off with his chewy and nothing. He just lies by the door, with those great big sad eyes , looking a complete bonehead.!!! Well he needn't expect any more offers of help from me.... He can get on with it, the old softie. Where's his self respect? Why let three females  get you to that state. I told him..... He needn't think he is going to Bryns birthday party with that attitude. There will be all sorts of major doggie bits on the menu and he will just look at all the two legs and they will be fussing over him instead of us. I know just how good he is with females, two or four legs. Absolute master of the poor me canine. Well I feel better for that, he says I am still too young to know what it's all about. And you know what, I'm glad I am.... I LIKE MY FOOD TOO MUCH.  I like running around like a mad thing in the pouring rain, mud skiing, leaf chasing and behaving like a luni dog. Blow getting old and sensible. I am going to play forever. Cool runnings Gryff.         Www.the adventures of Gryff

Trolls Yorkshire Hotpot... For those cold rainy winter days

Now as you probably already know, we are guarded at home by one of the meanest, most bad tempered and frightening creatures , commonly known as THE TROLL. Now our particular trolls ancestral home is somewhere in Yorkshire, and his own trollet (father of a troll) is still alive..... Now when I say mean, it's not just the temper tantrums, but it also refers to their pockets. All trolls are frightened of water, because of the weight in their pockets..... They can't swim, they only sink,and  the way into their pockets to get to their loot is about the same as looking for the end of a rainbow.So when he came back with this recipe we thought it would taste awful and we would struggle to see the size of portion.  How wrong can you be..... It's total magic. In fairness, the Hoff and I left both the girls to keep an eye on him so there was no messing around, so here is the recipe.... One pumpkin about the size of a big melon £1.... A full black pudding, £1.65..... Two or three ounces of whole grain brown rice 50p , some stuffing or some herbs to season. Peel and chop up the pumpkin (or swede or parsnips or potatoes) and roast till cooked. Boil the rice till cooked, and then throw it all in a big bowl with the black pudding and seasoning and stir it all up together. The troll is so mean he chopped the  back pudding up that small we couldn't pick it out.... You can either freeze it now, or warm it up in the microwave, and serve with kibble. And there was enough there for all of us, seven meals for three quid..... Something any troll can be proud of. His ancestral blood flows thick and green in the family tree. We are seriously thinking of sending him out on another foraging trip and seeing what else he comes back with.... It's my birthday soon so I wouldn't mind another SUPRISE for that. In the meantime my mate Bryn is having his first birthday party on Sunday, and his mum is an AWESOME CANINE COOK. So bring on the cold weather if it means snow and home cooking. Cool runnings Gryff

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American Football Bernese style

Ok, who's up for it?.. Our erstwhile quarterback newly retired has at last returned to the pack after having numerous and what seems like endless holidays away from us youngsters. Typical quarterback.... All the girls all the attention,and wanted by everybody. Now we can get back to our ball games!! Ony problem is our quarterback is now the size and the speed of a linebacker . A slow worm on overdrive would move faster than he can at the moment. It's all that special treatment and extra food that's done it. Her indoors will not be happy. We'll all be put on a diet ,extra exercise and all that stuff just cause of him! It's no good, I will have to be the quarterback and run and throw the ball and all that stuff. At least the cheer Berners line is looking pretty gorgeous. We have Freya, looking sleek and furry , Tizzy Tartlet who can attract any male, two or four legs at the bat of an eyelash, the slim and gorgeous Florence Josephine and finally Chaos and Havoc (Asti and Lace)  who have roughly the same effect on the opposition as  the mention of St Trinians does on a school governor . Then in the blokes line up we have MYSELF , Gryff the pocket rocket, Dexter the dynamite Blocker, old slow boat the line backer, my mate Bryn whose bounce puts a rubber ball to shame, Echo the muscles and finally Ghostie the jelly bean. (lucky if u see him let alone get a paw on him) . So now all that we need is another team to play against..... Any offers, we can use your ball if you like!!! Cool runnings Gryff

Dickins medal cont.

More and more two legs are coming to rely on us canines. We can detect cancers, epilepsy and sugar diabetes. We stop drugs, fire arms and explosives from being used. We visit and live with the elderly, the disabled, drop outs, street people, autistic children. We find things they have lost, we protect them from themselves and others and now our work can be acknowledged. In 2001 the PDSA introduced "THE GOLD MEDAL".  For animals who serve  and protect with love and loyalty.  So if you know of a dog that deserves being recognised...... Do something about it! Oh and one other thing I would like you to think about is Remberance Day in November. My two legs always get poppies for that day. Both their dads were RAF and served, but why don't you try and get a purple poppy in Rememberance  of the animals that served and are still serving, mostly dogs now.....  Go on, where your purple poppy in your collar with pride. Cool runnings Gryff.              Www.The adventures of Gryff blogspot

PDSA Dickin medal for animals

Did any of you Berners out there know that there was a medal for animals for bravery and valour? It's called the PDSA Dickin medal and was first awarded in 1943. To date there have been well over sixty medals all individually struck and given out to such diverse heros as Pidgeons, a Cat, a Fox , three horses and 27 dogs. Every single one of those recipients were put forward by the Army , Navy or RAF, and the ribbon the medals hang on is Green, Dark Brown and Pale Blue to represent the armed services. Twenty seven dogs, of all shapes and sizes who have loved helped and protected their two legs. The medals have been presented by royalty , in person, and posthumously showing just how much we animals mean to our two legs.
Probably the one you will all remember the most is an army explosives search spaniel  called Theo.  He and his two legs called Tasker were out on patrol when a sniper shot and killed his handler, the following day Theo died from an unexplained seizure..... Some people say a broken heart. Infact he is one of six dogs killed in action while supporting our armed forces. Theo's ashes were sent back with his handler for buriel in this country.  Once in a while a Dickin medal will come up for auction, and the last one fetched well over £20,000 but most are held with care at regimental displays or museums. One is now part of the new State Coach Britannia made in Australia as a present for the queen and I can't think of a safer place for it to be......of those sixty odd medal holders,  twelve are buried with honours at the PDSA cemetary at Ilford in Essex, along with 3000 other animals that were part of someone's life. Think I might have a word with she who must be obeyed..... I know where I would like my tag to hang one day, and  now it's possible to do it.   But then there's all those other dogs that we seem to forget. The search and rescue dogs killed in 911,  the mountain rescue dogs, the hearing, seeing, and doing dogs that work to help and protect two legs.  Dogs that can answer phones, unpack washing, put the lights on, dogs like Endal who is also buried at Ilford. Do you remember Endal, the first Hound for Heroes Labrador.  .... Cont.

Suicide pasties attack defenceless Bernese mountain dogs.

Special edition. The Bernese office of welfare and war on pasties, has just announced that three Bernese mountain dogs were attacked in a kitchen this lunchtime by a group of flakey pastry Cornish pasties. The attack took place from an elevated position in a fridge when the door was opened and they along with other items of food jumped out targeting three defenceless Bernese mountain dogs. This crime was made more heinous because of the lack of warning and that two of the Bernese were puppies of four months. It is thought that a member of the two legged four figured Troll gang smuggled the pasties in to the home yesterday while the Bernese were at work and they laid in wait till lunchtime fell today. We are pleased to advise all Bernese lovers that our brave and loving gang of three were quick to do battle, despite the dis-advantage of SUPRISE, and were seen to despatch the enemy with great speed and accuracy. As yet the number of missing presumed  eaten (MPE's) is unknown, but judging by the pastry flakes all over the floor there must have been numerous attackers. The powers that be will of course be taking further action against the Troll on its return, as the floor at the time had just been VACUMED for troll hairs and then washed and dried!!!!! We are of course pleased to announce that no Bernese received any obvious injuries or stress , and indeed have expressed a wish to take the battle to the source of the enemy....THE BUTCHERS! Any other Bernese wishing to join the SBS (special Bernese section K 9 terrorists) can apply with age limits imposed, while those too young or too old should protect their own establishments against any further domestic attacks. Senior Officer Present Freya reporting to Commanding Officer Gryff.
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Are your two legs badly behaved?

Well are they? Now normally we take our two legs with us every where... The beach, along the river, the odd show, carnivals , all those types of thing.... And generally they don't let us down. They drive us a respectable speed, after putting us in our seat belts. They carry rolls and rolls of poo  bags for us, they pack a reasonable to good picnic when we go out, and make sure we are well lit up in the dark. So WHY is it that all us canines keep getting invited away for B&B or holidays away when they don't!  Well there is only one thing I can think of.... They must mis-behave when we are not there to look after them. Now I am well aware that Trolls can be a tad unpredictable at times, but you would think that the ancestral pit would let him stay a while but  NO. It's back already with RETURN TO SENDER stamped all over it's large hairy butt! Perhaps his table manners are bad, or maybe  he is just too big to fit on the logs they use as chairs. I mean we have done our best to teach him... We've even had picture on Facebook of us dogs sitting on chairs, or draped over a nice large double bed to show him how it's done. When we accept our treats, we are so careful to take them slowly and gently so we don't  make the two legs jump. Bet that's it...... Bet he snatches his food with no please or thanku. And what about Her Indoors.... Well she's a whittler.... If she went way she would be constantly phoning texting or e mailing to check up on us. Did you brush your teeth and fur. Did you get all your walks in, did you eat all your tea and what was it? Doesnt bare  thinking about. And then there's the next generation back. Think she's taking her tea or coffee too strong... Fallen over again. Oh they do worry us these two legs. I told nanny to stop drinking anything with bubbles in because they make her light headed... But no she knows better. She only has two paws so she's bound to be less stable than us quadrupeds.... And Bobs  your uncle and she's fallen over again. No wonder us canines need holidays. All the stress and worry they give us.... All I can say is make sure your two legs are bark trained properly.  Cool runnings Gryff