Suicide pasties attack defenceless Bernese mountain dogs.

Special edition. The Bernese office of welfare and war on pasties, has just announced that three Bernese mountain dogs were attacked in a kitchen this lunchtime by a group of flakey pastry Cornish pasties. The attack took place from an elevated position in a fridge when the door was opened and they along with other items of food jumped out targeting three defenceless Bernese mountain dogs. This crime was made more heinous because of the lack of warning and that two of the Bernese were puppies of four months. It is thought that a member of the two legged four figured Troll gang smuggled the pasties in to the home yesterday while the Bernese were at work and they laid in wait till lunchtime fell today. We are pleased to advise all Bernese lovers that our brave and loving gang of three were quick to do battle, despite the dis-advantage of SUPRISE, and were seen to despatch the enemy with great speed and accuracy. As yet the number of missing presumed  eaten (MPE's) is unknown, but judging by the pastry flakes all over the floor there must have been numerous attackers. The powers that be will of course be taking further action against the Troll on its return, as the floor at the time had just been VACUMED for troll hairs and then washed and dried!!!!! We are of course pleased to announce that no Bernese received any obvious injuries or stress , and indeed have expressed a wish to take the battle to the source of the enemy....THE BUTCHERS! Any other Bernese wishing to join the SBS (special Bernese section K 9 terrorists) can apply with age limits imposed, while those too young or too old should protect their own establishments against any further domestic attacks. Senior Officer Present Freya reporting to Commanding Officer Gryff.
Cool runnings Gryff