How embarrassing can a two legs be? OMG!!!!

Www .the adventures of Gryff..... Well I'm asking, how majorly embarrassing can a two legs be? Yesterday us Berners had a visiter in the form of aunty Sue. The last time we saw her was just before the old trout retired, so three months or so, and it's just like the old trout planned to embarrass us from the start. Cup of coffee, a cooooo aren't they sweet over the puppy's and then it should have been our turn for a fuss. Oh no, that's not allowed.... The silly old bat steps  on a puppy toy and does this enormous belly flop dive into the kitchen cupboards. She hit so hard that even the troll who was upstairs heard it and came trotting down. Aunty Sues trying to pick her up, and she's just on the floor like a sack of potatoes.  Then when she starts to get up she gets a bloody nose and a lump the size of an  ostrich egg on her head.  All that fuss, I know she's getting very very old but I mean! It's not as though the floors that far away cause she's only little. Ten minutes later she's beginning to look like the Michelin man, all bandy and wobbly. Knees all swollen up, and a shoulder that's all swollen up. I mean take her to the vets and get her sorted out!  I knew it was all a plan, because after aunty Sue had gone and we wanted our walk..... She just wouldn't take us, not for all our jumping up and down and barking our heads off.  Anyway this morning, she's a positive embarrassment to be seen with. Hobbling along, all battered and bruised and all the other dogs looking at her.  I mean we are usually the main event... What gorgeous dogs, how handsome, do they need much exercise ? Can the dogs play ? But no not this time ! Silly old thing. Well I suppose I shall just have to take  control again! Done our shopping list with the girls, so that's the trolls next job.. Including a huge set of scales to carry on weighing these fat little puppies. Remind him bout the hovering, drag all the floor cloths to infront of the washing machine so they don't get forgotten, get the girls to waft their tails about and do the dusting, then it should be lunch time. The old bats got a check up about three ths afternoon....will let you know if we need another dog walker..... And another Troll. Dozy things just walked thro the door with a set of kitchen scales.  I SAID BATHROOM SCALES. Listen when I bark at you. Don't u just love being the boss!!!! Cool runnings Gryff

And just who is training who?

Www. The adventures of Gryff..... Now I consider myself well mannered, moderately obedient and very definately handsome. I have been home schooled with various visits to the odd, the noisy, and the different  and I consider myself a well rounded and totally adorable bonus to my two legs.  Have to say though that my training of them has perhaps left a little to be desired ..... When I watch the way that Freya looks over her shoulder with her big brown eyes, I know I am in the presence of a genius. Tizzy will raise a paw and uncle Steve is there pandering to her every whim. Lace has both uncle Mike and Rob attached to a little silver bell, and at the slightest Ching , they are galloping in her direction..... Can anybody see a recurring theme yet? You got it, Berner femme fatals.  For us blokes it's not quite so easy.  I take her indoors out for exercise and will she walk at my pace.... No, she says she can't keep up. Dexter loves  his food, but will AJ give him extras when he asks...no! Well may be a carrot, but thats about all. If it had been me that nicked the filling out of the sponge cake, or took the cream off the top of the trifle (remind me to tell you about that)  I would have been skinned alive and used as a rug. Then to add insult to injury, I get banned to the kitchen because my paws are wet and it's pouring with rain. WELL WHO PUT ME OUT THERE IN THE FRST PLACE and I had a damn good shake when I got indoors anyway. Bet the girls don't get thrown out...ruin their nails or turn their fur curly. I really have got to get my two legs sorted out. I mean I just dont understand them at times. Look at the rain, I dont mind a walk in the pouring rain, but they want to wait till it stops, but then they throw me out in the garden. Next time it's too hot for a snow dog so I get woken up at 5am and dragged out then. Well I want my sleep!  The troll will slip us a treat, and say you shouldn't really be having that/don't tell her indoors SO WHY IS HE GIVING ME IT?  Not that I would tell her indoors. It's no good, I am just going to get myself registered at a Freya master class.... If they can do it, then so can I..... I will have well behaved obedient two legs if it's the last thing they ever do.... Cool runnings Gryff

The Case of Sherlock Bones and the Victoria Sponge

Www. The adventures of Gryff..... Let me  state now I AM INNOCENT! IT WASN'T ME! HONEST!!! Ever since her indoors retired, she has been muttering about home baking and such like FOR THEM.  We  always get our home cooked bits and pieces and being generous to a fault we always make sure the two legs get their share, but she means cakes and stuff like that. Anyway tonight Lacy is bringing some two leg friends home for tea, so it was decided that she would make  tea and do a cake for afters. Got to say it smelt brill as it came out of the oven and after it cooled she filled it with blackcurrants and buttercream. It looks AWESOME sitting on the table, must have been six inches high. Anyway off she went and left it sitting there , messing around talking to the KC  on the phone for hours and hours and hours. Now my babies have decided that life s far more exciting in the kitchen, they can see more, do more , and get into mischief without worrying about the mess, and on either door is a baby gate. I of course can jump it, but I don't think the two legs realise.... What I didn't know is so can Freya. Anyway when the troll went to inspect the cake ( for that I mean pinch a piece)  he started laughing. Freya's sitting there  licking her lips, and the cream filling of the cake is all missing..... Odd little tooth mark in the sponge, but nothing too serious....just the middle missing.  So there she is, telling the troll that the pups can obviously reach much further and higher than anybody thought and that she will tell them off later. Yeh like, those are my pups she's talking about.  So as Sherlock Bones would say..... Whenever u have eliminated the impossible, what remains, however improbable, must be the truth! Got  ya Freya! On the  good side, I can't see the two legs  wanting the rest of the cake can you? BONUS! If u will excuse me, I have a pressing engagement with a starving look with big brown eyes.... They have never failed me yet, oh and the pups are getting some......eat your heart out Freya!! Cool runnings Gryff

Sumo wrestling, baby Berner style!

Www. The adventures of Gryff..... Well the girls are still doing their over all best to prove that they can hold their own, but under NO circumstances can they be called ladies. Despite their totally feminine  new names of Hatty and now as of today , Blossom (previously Hetty) , they have now started the ancient art of Sumo wrestling. The principles are very simple.... The first one to remove the opposition by any means fair or foul and get to the piece of cheese is the winner. As always Freya and I make  sure there is always two of everything, bowls, rusks, carrot strips, meat, rice pudding and on this occasion CHEESE.  Each puppy gets exactly the same size piece at exactly the same time, but as always one eats it faster than the other, and the battle commences.  The stance is taken, all eight paws planted firmly on the ground, heads down ready to charge. Little eyes are locked on the prize, and charge....... Squashing the cheese to a pulp in their haste to get to it. Little heads lock together and with every ounce of strength they possess, little legs sliding on the floor tiles they slip and slide about in battle. Got to say Freya has the right idea! She watched them for a few seconds, walked up to the piece of cheese AND ATE IT,   OMG their little faces were a picture. They just couldn't believe what had just happened. Just wish I had thought of it first, or even better knew how to use a camera. Then to add insult to injury she declared the milk bar closed and walked off and left them. They both sat there, looking at each other in total dis-belief and then came running to me. LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I told them, share things, there's enough for everybody but no, they have to do it their way. If I didn't know better, I would say perhaps they are practising to be LADIES after all! You know what I mean guys......... Their way, or no way....... Cool runnings Gryff

Baby Blues

Www. The adventures of Gryff.... Well it's official, Freya and I have got baby blues! Both our babes have found wonderful homes and we should be hopping from paw to paw. Dinners to ourselves, no more watching where our paws go. No getting up in the middle of the night (Freya that is) for feeding time , although when Freya was up so was everybody else! It's just that the time has gone so quickly. I will actually be able to wander through the kitchen and not worry my under carriage is going to be mistaken for Freya's ! I can leave the back door open and not get told off, carry my toys around and know that where I left them is where I will find them! On second thoughts, as a caring dad, perhaps it won't be too bad after all.! I know that one of the girls has already put in for a BLING covered collar. Freya told her that all her puppy gear was in pink when she was little. . Brushes leads collar bowls, the lot. It's just that I happen to know that she was found to help the troll get over great Uncle Teague going to rainbow bridge, and he had never ever had a little girl before! Just to remind him that she was precious and delicate! (yeh like.... You should see her now, pocket battleship, and as stubborn as a mule when she wants to be. Typical Berner if you ask me. Got to admit though, she still looks all pretty, big brown  eyes and totally feminine.)  Its just that in three weeks time, her indoors will be moaning how quiet it is, and she's got nothing to do. Wonder what designer gear the other pup will get? One thing I have noticed about two legs and berners isWE GET SPOILT most of the time.  Servants to wait on our every muddy paw. Our bowls filled then washed and put away. Comfy baskets , quilts and such like. Weekends away at carting or garden party's,  SEATBELTS for in our cars, although we always use a chauffeur (euse). Well got to keep the two legs occupied. Walks on the beach, in the snow, out in the country, and best of all..... We are addictive. You have one, and you just have to get another one!  I once heard the old trout say that no matter how many Berners she had, there would always be a place if another one needed it. She denied it but that's how my uncle Finnigan came to live with us. An honorary Bernese, (StBernard by birth) . Cool runnings Gryff

Berner baby beats up Berner battleship big sister!!!

Www. The adventures of Gryff.... Boy oh boy are my kids chips  off the old block! Nobody would call me a scrapper by I know how to look after myself and so do my kids.! Imagine my SUPRISE this morning when I walked into the kitchen ( for that I mean strutting my stuff on a walk) to find  Hetty my five week old puppy laying into her year old 47kg battleship of a sister  and trying to drag her around the tiles floor by her fur.  Now 1) the pups were UNSUPERVISED so the two legs are going to catch it, don't care if the troll was in the loo and the trout out with me! Those are my babies we are talking about! 2) how did they get out of their basket? The sides must be 2ft high, and 3) how come  Hetty felt she had to take to defend herself? And more to the point, how do I cope with them when they are bigger , can escape more and start beating me up?  Had to laugh though.... There was Asti pinned to the floor by this virago of a puppy, giving it  growls that sound like cat purrs and barking like a mouse with its tail caught and Asti is lying there, trying to roll over on her back to submit. But no, my puppy has by now got hold of her ear and is trying to drag her out the corner and across the floor.  Says a lot for the temperament of Bernese.... We are so cool we could get frost bite. Anyway being the opportunist that I am I snook across to the other corner, and nicked the bowl of rice pudding that was probably the cause of the fight. I mean it would have been rude to leave it there, and Hetty would only have to defended it again. What I want to know is why everything you shouldn't have always tastes better than what you are given? Anyway the old trout stepped in then. Grabbed Hetty, growled at the troll , and declared the battle a draw. Spoil sport if you ask me! Took her a little while to realise the rice pudding had disappeared so she didn't realise that it was me. AWESOME! Anyway, the two little monsters are now quite happily playing in the kitchen, behind the baby gates, and very rudely calling insults at us grown ups, complete in the knowledge that they can beat us up anytime they choose............Cool runnings Gryff

Moanin Merlin!

Www. The adventures of Gryff..... Hi all,one very tired Berner here. Basically for the last week or so, yours truly has been number one , head chef, cook , bottle washer and  barker with all the responsibility that goes with new fatherhood.  Our main man MERLIN has been off enjoying his retirement to the full. Being THE MOST PERFECTLY MANNERED DOG IN THE WORLD ( yeh like!) he is constantly being offered holidays with other Berner owners. He rides in motorbikes and side cars, he goes camping, carting, and struts his stuff with the impunity that advanced age gives a bloke. Officially he retired from actually going to work last June time, and I don't think he has slowed down since. The odd pill for a bit of arthritis and the dogs unstoppable. This weekend he did a three day re-enactment with uncle rob and tizzy. Last weekend he took  the lovely  Lola away to some posh house and deer park..... Are u beginning to see the connections??Girls girls girls, the old gigolo! Anyway last night, he and Tizzy came home for a rest, while AJ and uncle Rob had a cuddle with their new puppy Hatty, and we all had a much enjoyed BBQ. Got to say its my favourite meal because we always get cooked for too. See told you, had to do the shopping list, sat by the BBQ all the time it was cooking, worked my butt off I did!   Anyway after a really good night I eventually get my head down, to be woken up ths morning by HIMSELF giving it full wallop, because her indoors has lobbed him out of bed for a walk! 5am this .... 5am! Just  because it's supposed to be warm again today , she'd made him get up. Dont think he remembered there were two 5's in the day, but was he giving her what for.  All those long lie ins, the breakfasts in bed, not here mate, your home now!  Silly old bugger enjoyed it when he got out there, and then there was pâté on toast and black pudding for breakfast.  Got to say the old trout does her best to keep us fit healthy and well fed, but the sound of breakfast in bed, or even on the settee like he showed me the photos sounds a bit to good to miss.  Perhaps next time , if I mind my manners I might get away with it..... But then again, I do love the old trout! Decisions, decisions! Cool runnings Gryff. Ps Merlin says ta ever so AJ and aunty Kath xxx

Trolls new toys....

Www. The adventures of Gryff. ..... Well as you probably all have gathered, me and my family are all inside dogs. We have a mud patch (previously a garden) outside, but indoors we have the dog room the utility and the kitchen, all of which are heated and easy care. We do get the odd problem with the troll when he wants to fry his breakfast or he can't reach the fridge door over three Berners, but over all it works well. The two legs don't take up too much room so generally speaking we let them stay. As I said, easy care, tiles floor and walls, that plastic stuff for the conservatory/dog room  walls because two legs can make such a mess in seconds!!!  Anyway if you remember the troll went and fetched a new Hoover the other day and to say he is well impressed is an understatement. Added to which it's less than half price at a certain store at £120 or there abouts AW200 and absolutely brill over the carpets etc. Anyway, this morning I wanted to do my diary and could I find my I pad???? I looked every where, in my basket, on the table, I even checked in the puppy's box....well you know what kids are like these days. Rather stop at home and watch Bondi Vet or play with a bonecalculater rather that go for a lovely long walk or carting.... But it was totally gone! Now us dogs don't have 40% of our brains given to scenting for nothing.... To say I was a bit ticked off was an understatement so down went the nose, up came the tail, and away I went.  Finally found it in the trolls warty little fingers, in bed, sitting very near to HER bone and biscuit card.  The big green warty old so and so is only ordering another of these Hoover things but using HER card to do it. Now I happen to know that she keeps her biscuits separate to his, just to make sure she still gets some, bit like me really. You let those little pups in and you loose everything, edible or not!  So I don't want to be around when she finds out.... I'll give him ten out of ten for bottle but, bugger do I want to see him using one in each hand at the same time. He is going to be in such trouble with her, never mind with me for pinching my I pad. It's hard enough using paws in the first place. Oh well ears down, hard hat on, go sit with the pups and wait for BANG!  All I can say is this Hoover must be really really dog hair friendly. Cool runnings Gryff.................ps have a good weekend