Peace perfect peace

Www. The adventures of Gryff....Well, I don't know about you, but I am totally @@@@@ off with this rain, the wind, the drifts of water that stretch as far as the eye can see, and i can't help worrying  if my swimming is good enough should the river at the back of the residence burst it's banks (as looks quite likely.) Add to that the fact that I couldn't go carting last night because it's fitted with wheels and not floats , and it's not designed to hover over water , and life is getting very boring. My mate  Dexter did text and suggest a fondue sausage evening so perhaps that will brighten up today! It's also making all the two legs short tempered and grizzly..... Anybody else noticed it? Well it's either that or making sure the bone and biscuit account balances. Life in general is being pretty rough on a lot of folks at the moment. Even the terrorists seem to be affected...they are behaving themselves!!! I mean they really are being good. Only thing I can think of is they are planning something for later on in the week, heaven only knows what but its bound to be a goodie! I thought with this wind they would go all scatty like they do, but no, they are still doing ok. Getting a bit fed up with seeing Lace carrying her teddy bear around all the time but they are only pups. It's funny really, they are chalk and cheese, in looks temperament and  plotting and scheming . What one doesn't think of the other does, and what one hasn't done, the other already has. I know, I bet the Troll scared them the other day. All that crockery and stuff falling off the draining board and then him trying to set fire to the kitchen has made them behave. Mind you it didn't stop them counter surfing Saturday night. A big bowl full of kebab and chips went missing...  and Miss Freya wasn't in the room so there you go, they  are fine so I can stop worrying over them. All I can say canines, is hang in there. Give your two legs as much love and support as you can, and try not to be upset if they don't notice. It's not that they don't love you, it's just they are struggling. Cool runnings Gryff

Troll at Work.... Call te Fire Brigade!

Www. the adventures of Gryff...     Now I personally can see exactly why someone would go to sleep watching the F1 channel on the TV. ...except of course for the noise . They go round and round and the commentators go on and on and to put it bluntly IT'S BORING. If the Troll wants speed and excitement, well he can take us out .... Either walking or carting and he will even get the mud ! Anyway last night, us working dogs got home a bit early to a house in darkness except for the tv in the sitting room. The old trout has a habit of getting out the van, and opening both end doors of the dog room so we can all go flying thro and straight out on to the garden. (for that read no puppy accidents on the way in) . Anyway out we all come and into the dog room, to come to a halt by the back door. Now straight away we knew something was wrong and so did she.  She opened the door into the house to be met by smoke and chaos. The Troll has only put on our big saucepan full of pasta and goodies.... One of those expensive copper bottomed jobbies and let it boil dry. By this time her indoors is trying to throw us all outside, trying to open windows , shut the cooker off, run the cold tap for the saucepan and have a coughing fit at the same time. It's amazing how many things a female two legs can do at once when under pressure . No sign of the troll anywhere!!! Now I would say that her indoors is of a reasonable disposition , but by the time she had cleared up she had turned into that three headed dog out of Harry Potter. You know that real bad tempered one!  The troll is  only snoring his head off in the sitting room. Think its fair to say that the troll got severely savaged at least three times, and what she said would happen to him if any of us were bad because of it, I am just not willing to repeat. Sufficient to say, we were told to go and dig the biggest hole at the bottom of the garden as she would be filling it in herself! And then just for good measure she informed him that the saucepan was totally ruined and if he thought Santa Paws would bring a new one for Xmas then he needed to think again. Funny that...... She must think trolls are so predictable . And before you say anything Nanny Broels, it's as true as I can wag my tail, ask aunty Jackie...HONEST. He really is dicing with death at the moment. Cool runnings Gryff

Danger.... Troll at work!

Www. The adventures of Gryff. Have  you ever noticed that when there is something going on, the sign always says Men At Work, and the area that is deemed safe around them is at least four times more than you think they should need? Believe me ,when I have paused to decorate their signs, along with Dexter and Merlin, it has frequently crossed our handsome intelligent Berner minds. Well now I understand why!  I know us Berners are incredibly domesticated and house proud.... Especially us guys. We walk in after you two legs have dragged us out, and we can decorate the walls the floors, doors, fridge, cooker and tiled walls with just a couple of flicks of our tails, or my personal favourite the belly roll.... That's the one where the shake starts at the tail and moves up the body  on its way to the head , when every bit is  moving simultaneously until our eyes go pop. ..... And we can decorate the walls floors and ceiling in one easy go! Well anyway, I digress.... Last night the troll decided he would attempt the washing up... Bless his little green nobbly heart, and he did a good job of half of it. Not as good as us mind you, because when we've finished our bowls you can put them straight away.... In fact why do you wash them again?  His problem appeared to be the stacking  system on the draining board ( as per picture attached) there just wasn't enough room to wash the rest of the bowls and pots, and this was when we all decided that in this case , we were more inclined to say six times the working space around them was a safe distance , especially when we saw the odd tremor at the base of the pile.  So if ever your troll gets into DIY or housework, please allow them adequate time and space , and don't forget the sign that says BEWARE TROLLS AT WORK. Cool runnings Gryff

It's raining, it's pouring, and Merlin is a snoring....

Www. The adventures of Gryff. OK  now I came into the household on the basis that I am a snow dog.... And all I am getting is rain. Verticle rain, horizontal rain, pouring rain, windy rain, just RAIN and I am totally brassed off with it. All I hear is excuses as to why I should drag myself out in the pouring rain to have a walk, when all that's going to happen is I will get back wet cold and covered in mud and be banned to the dog room or the kitchen. I don't care that all the other dogs are in the same boat (and you can take that literally if you want) I want my tv, my settee and my cream carpet. Last night I even had to sleep downstairs on towels and old covers so I could dry out from yesterday. This morning, the old battle axe dragged five of us out down the lane thinking we would enjoy ourselves..... What planet does she live on??? She's got an outside coat on, and paw covers. She doesn't get mud between her pads and get moaned at for chewing a paw, and as for the girls , they are mega in the hump! All I hear from them is that their fur has gone all curly and they look more like poodles that Berners. Personally I still think that they look cute, but what male in his right mind would argue with four females ? I want snow, deep deep snow, all crisp and white with deep bits you can jump into without touching the bottom just like I keep seeing on FB. I want to do sliding stops, and make the snow fly in the air like skiers do on corners. I want to do snow ploughs with my nose, and roll over and over and come up all white and sparkly..... And what do I get..... RAIN. And I hate it when my ears go all fluffy and fuzzy, cause it pulls when we have them brushed. It's alright for her indoors and AJ, they both have long hair which they tie up and put a hat over.... Where's my hat. Even the Troll gets away With a hat, and he's got about three hairs on his head. That's it.... Decision made.... Putting in a transfer request...... Anywhere dry with lots of snow.....all offers will be considered. Cool runnings Gryff

P.s. hope all you Newfies and water spaniels are having a great time. Webbed feet indeed!!

The Troll does Traction

Www. The adventures of Gryff. Guess what???? The Troll is going to have one of his big green toes seen to by the blacksmith or some other bod and will be in plaster for six weeks. Six weeks for a toe!!! Now I have heard she who must be obeyed mutter more than once about MAN FLU when he has sneezed and thought he had triple pneumonia with complications and a temperature of 1000 degrees, so what he will be like for this is anybodies guess. Trolls are notorious for being delicate and temperamental.... ( read strong as an ox and never ill, and bloody minded and stubborn for that)  so she has already removed all bells, hooters and claxons and the tv, sky , and anytime remote controls to her safe custody. That way he can't park his delicate green butt infront of the tv and expect us all to run around after him. Her indoors reckons that being of a DELICATE CONSTITUTION, anything and everything will be our fault.!  From the beer can we wag off the coffee table to the fact that the contents have either evaporated or been stolen by a drunken BMD who is sleeping it off under the stairs..... The fact that the TV will blatantly ignore the commands given by the controller and delete the motor racing or football that he videoed to watch later on, to the fact that his body is hot and his toe is cold and that the central heating is quite obviously NOT WORKING PROPERLY.  He even suggested that rather than work six days a week, look after all us dogs, and keep the house, she consider going on line to do the shopping at a certain shop that delivers to the house.DDDUUURRRHHHHH!!!. That of course is after all the washing etc is done, the windows cleaned (he cancelled the window cleaning troll because is was forecast to rain) us little treasures are walked, brushed, and fed..... Etc etc etc. Personally I am going to jump into one of our many and varied baskets, put a tin hat on my head, (remind me to cut two holes in Ghosties for his ears to stick through, being a gsd) and keep a very very low profile...... Anybody want seven lodgers for six weeks??? We promise to behave.... Cool runnings Gryff


We could always run off with his crutches........

Learner Driver

Www.the adventures of Gryff.     Guess whose got his L plates at last?.. me me me. At long last I am now old enough to start my driving lessons. Personally I think I have been big enough to have a go for ages, but the old battle axe indoors wouldn't let me.  If you ask me she was panicking that I would want my own wheels....WHICH I DO.( Guess I will have to do a letter to Santa Paws cause he was quite good last year. ) Any way uncle Rob and Merlin decided they would take me out under Dual Control, Merlin and I doubled up in the cart and uncle Rob my side so one or other could hit the brakes if we (meaning me) got in trouble. The cart was all lit up because it gets dark so early, and off we went. It was AWESOME, but they are just so slow, the pair of them. I know I have to allow a little bit for age, Merlin is nine, and uncle Rob s that old I don't have enough paws to count on, but really I ask you? It's a wonder I didn't catch a cold.  They were both whittling about  kiddie boy racers, and dignity and looking the part..... Where's the speed merchant in them? We all watch the motor racing, the speeds they go at. .... And we all wish we could have a go....but why do they go round and round in circles? What's the point of not going anywhere for hours at a time? I know when the Trolls got his snout in the tv, he's jumping up and down, muttering threats at cars he doesn't like and then he accuses some of them of cheating because they have bits they shouldn't have.... He gets really up tight. The only thing that makes him worse is football and rugby. He never ever agrees with the ref or the linesman, or even for that matter the commentator.  Anyway when I get my cart I am going to go where I want, at the speed I want, and everybody will just have to keep up with me. Merlin says there's a lot of good looking girls at the carting, so I would be better to go steady and look good instead...well I have plenty of time..... But one place I do want to go is Louth, Lincs the first Sunday in December. There's a big Christmas market on the Sunday, and a load of Bernese go. It's supposed to be really good. Hot pasties, sausage rolls beef burgers... Excellent! This will be my first one and I can't wait.  P.S had porridge with fresh fruit and bits for breakfast to build me up for my wheels. It was gorgeous, you want to try it, the recipe is n Dogs Dinner. Cool runnings Gryff

Lady in Red

Www. The adventures of Gryff.  Now being a young up and coming talent, I personally don't remember a two legs call Chris De Burgh.... Infact I'm not even sure I've spelt it right.... way before my time, but apparently he used to sing this song...Lady in Red. Now those of you that follow my diary will know that Tizzy Tartlett ( big sis Theia) is a bit of a hussy where fellas are concerned, and what's more she is very very good at it! The other day she was out and about with a two legs, and he asked someone to get her some HAM as a special treat. Cheeky little mare turned her nose up at it, sent it round for us puppy plebs and promptly ordered some sliced chicken breast . What's more she got it, and then got taken out for a pub lunch into the bargain ...... If I could bottle what she has, I would be one very rich BMD.!! Anyway, now she's decided to set her sights at a married man! I personally think its too bad of her. She already has the Troll, uncle Steve , uncle Dick and uncle Julian on extending leads, that come running when ever she does a recall, and now she's  chasing a married man with a Bernese of his own..... I think that's terrible, and, she decided to dress herself up in red and lounge all over his settee for when he came home...... What a hussy. Bet she gets her man again, oh and she's learnt to dance, to make sure he can't say NO.  I think her indoors needs to talk to her..... Just because she's pretty and has those great big brown eyes, she gets away with murder....Cool runnings Gryff

al - CAT -raz

Having spent most of the day , not so quietly laughing at the huge losses the Troll had suffered, we got the shock of our delicate Berner lives when we got home...... We pulled in and these enormous spot lights  pinned the van to the drive, she who must be obeyed got out and this voice demanded.... WHO IS IT. .? Looking around she couldn't see a thing because of the search lights, when SLICE N DICE strutted around the front of the van, tail up and looking real officious. Now SLICE N DICE is called that for that one reason..... You do not, ever, never, mix it with this cat. Bigger dogs than us have been found half buried or worse with a sign on the top that says..... Here lies a dog that didn't listen! Had to have a look, and got way way too close. Signed this day (pick a date)  SLICE N DICE. Anyway, seeing who it was, her indoors was allowed to open our door and we all ran to the house door as normal.... But there we ran into trouble again. The Troll was standing there with it open enough to allow one dog through at a time.... We all had to be patted  down and searched and when we got through the door, we saw that the cell block , always empty,was now full of Bernese mountain dogs. OH @@@@! All the dogs connected with the theft of the toasted cheese butties were in prison! Walking up and down, and over the tops of them was MISSCAT. She even had one of those tall whicker cat baskets on the top so she looked like a guard in the great escape in one of the towers. At the kitchen door infront of our bowls, was FATCAT. Now Fatcat is not the brightest  kitty in the litter, but what he lacks in brains he more than makes up for in size.  The puppy's were three months old before they dare look him in the eye,  and that was when they were standing on the step and he was  on the floor, he still weighed more than them then!!!  So we knew we were in for a rough ride, and that was without the troll who was still fur searching those still not allowed in! What was worse was that our bowls were empty!!!  Fatcat kept walking around us all as we stood in a huddle looking at the table where our dinner is normally waiting for us.  Finally, the troll came in , jangling this huge bunch of keys, where he had just opened the cells and let Freya Asti and Lace out.  Don't think anybody moved until they were told to as the dinners were put infront of us one by one . ... And I don't think anybody will steal his breakfast again in a hurray.  The cats are still on patrol, and the whisper is that they get paid on Friday, with a bonus if nothing else goes missing....IN CHEESE. Cool runnings Gryff

Toasted cheese sandwich anybody??

Www.the adventures of Gryff.
As you will all probably remember, we all have to get up  early every day because those of us at work leave really early. . To help us on our way, we all have a proper breakfast about 5am (yes there are two 5's in a day sleepy heads), and then when we have dragged the troll out of his pit, screaming and moaning, we bully him into toast and pâté for afters. Unfortunately for him this morning, he ran out of pâté and decided to do some cheese on toast aswell. Now normally we wouldn't say a bark, but we happened to notice a large lump of cheese, two crusts and a big thick slice of bread that didnt make it to us!!! At that point, the last call went out for all dogs boarding the last van to work. Now just for a change, us senior dogs decided....NO PUPPY'S today, which left Freya, Asti and Lace back at the ranch for the day. Just shows how sneaky trolls are, because as soon as we drove off, on went the grill and cheese and a touch of Worcester sauce.!  Anyway, after getting it off the tray and putting it on the table, something or SOMEONE !!!! Caught his eye and he turned his back on the table for a split second.  Now as you know Freya is an incredibly flexible pole dancer, in that she can have her body in one place and her teeth in another. It appears her two daughters have inherited the skill too.  Lace jumped up and snatched a slice of toast, and as the troll went to grab it, Freya jumped up  and grabbed another one, and while he was chasing both around the kitchen, Asti grabbed  the other slice and did a runner too...... I would love to have been there to see them all running rings around him, it must have been so funny. When he rang up to tell she who must be obeyed,  looking for some sympathy, all she could do was lean on the counter with tears running down her face. What made it worse was that was the end of the loaf, and there wasn't any more in the freezer.... Oooops! And then to make things worse, she told the girls when they came to work, and then rang him up, to wind him up!!! All I can say is THERE IS A CANINE ALPHA DOG IN THIS WORLD.... What goes around comes around, especially our toast. Cool runnings Gryff

It's my birthday.... And thanku

Yesterday the 2nd was my birthday, and it was AWSOME. Thank you to everybody for all my presents, my cards, and the greetings on FB. I even got to be top of the page for the day. An especial thanku to my mate Bryn for the two birthday cakes,one for us and one for the two legs, and to Saxon my brother who made the day by sharing it with me. It was a wonderful afternoon party , and then off out with AJ and uncle Rob..... What more can a dog ask for? Cool runnings Gryff

Halloween is MEGA

Www. The adventures of Gryff. It was absolutely brill last night even tho it rained. There were huge great big skulls in the windows, Merlin went out as a Mummy (or should that be Daddy.?) and I should have  been a vampire but I was too excited to stand still long enough to get dressed. We got loads of sweets for the kids.....  And then when they went to bed we went out flying. Don't know why I worried about my butt.... You sit on a broomstick and it sort of moulds around you to fit and then a safety belt sort of pops out and around you to keep u safe. You should have seen the girls, luscious lime lipstick or Baltic blue to match their hair, nails six inches long, pointy hats and pointy shoes with great big heels, it's amazing. Then there must have been hundreds of them flying around in this circle , going faster and faster till all the turbo chargers kicked in and they all started shooting off in different directions  just like a Catherine wheel in the sky.  And then there was the drag racing, and the humpi bumpi thing, when they all went as high in the sky as they could and raced down to te fields as fast as they could through and over obstacles just like an agility course. Got to admit AJ was a bit more sensible, but that was because she had Merlin as her co pilot. Did wonder if she would get off the ground at one stage. There's not a lot of her and Merlin was too much of a counter balance. In the end she went off in reverse and turned it round when she'd got a bit of height. Clever !!! Do you know what speeds those things get up too? It pins your ears to the side of your face, and you can feel your jowls flapping in the wind, and then when they go down with the turbo on, you can feel your eyes going all chinesey and your tail stuck along the line f the  beezum. AWESOME. Anyway I can't wait till next year. I can understand why they keep it all so quiet, it's brill. Everybody would want to have a go and there'd be accidents and bumps and all sorts. One thing it does do is make you hungry though. Better go and see what's for breakfast........Oh and get some of these lipstick kisses off my nose. You know last night I would have put money on it being luscious lime, but this morning it's bright pink! Cool runnings Gryff