The things we get called!

Do you two legs ever listen to what you are calling us.... My little teddy bear, eight stone and 30 inches at the shoulder SMALL ! My little cuddle puppy.... Forty odd teeth that can give a small shark a run for it's money! Oi you dumbbell ..... Like we are going to listen? Then there's the crafty trick of the voice like honey when you want something and the words don't match............... Just to let you know we are much more clever than you think. And yes I am going to get that bark recognition software. AWESOME? cool runnings Gryff

Secretary required....

How much do you think it would cost me to get a secretary .... Couple of biscuits an hour, couple of biscuits and a walk or maybe if I offer to share my basket.... Just how expensive are they??? It's just that as my paws get bigger, I am finding it harder and harder to type on the computer. Most people's eye sight makes computers difficult.. With me it's my paws. Even the lady at the poodle parlour commented on the size of my feet. It's enough to give a bloke a complex. What do they think I am....a ballet dancer? Having said that I really need to say SORRY UNCLE DICK for the disappearance of your sausage roll this morning. You were so late coming in that I thought I wasn't going to see you. Now that was fancy footwork...neither if them saw or heard that hit the floor, and then it was gone!!!! My big paws balance my height nicely, especially when I am counter surfing lol. Can't wait till Flo gets back to work cause she's going to teach how to surf the bins. AWESOME. Anyway next week should be less busy and I will get chance to see my best mate Bryn again.... Chaos reigns! Missed them this week but have just been rushed off my paws. Didn't even get chance to go to the pet shop for some fun, although the trolls been dressing the girls up in coats so that's been a laugh. He seems to think that they will catch cold in all this rain, or maybe he's trying to keep their White bits White. Anyway , fashion statement they are not! Next he will be putting pink wellies on every corner. Now what.... That darn Slice n dice has just come in through the window and she is soaked. That's right you stupid animal, slide all round me and make me wet too. As if I hadnt seen enough water in the last twenty four hours to last me a life time. Now she wants to sit on the computer... Do you really want a curly perm? Hasn't anybody told you that electricity and water dont mix? I give up...duty calls. Got to go and sort the feline out. So much for a peaceful quiet weekend. I want a secretary them she could do all this........ Cool runnings Gryff

Friday night is bath night

Well we all went... To the poodle parlour that is. It's really called Bow wows and the girls loved it. You could see they were all excited when they got round the corner and what's worse is the first thing they did was look at all the bling. Yes Bling to go on their collars, and there were fancy coats with diamanté bits and these really super baskets, all soft and squishy , but too small for my handsome butt. HRH was first in...Merlin that is. All bubbles warm water and massage. You could see he was loving all the fuss. Great big softy! Then it was Freyas turn and she was even worse. She sat on the bath, had her shampoo and then didnt want to get out. She just sat there wanting more bubbles and stuff. They got her out eventually, but I mean.... How embarrassing! Then Theia had her go. She wasn't so bad but what is with girls and hair do's. It wouldnt be so bad, but the party we were all going to this weekend has been cancelled because of the weather. Bummer! Then it was my turn..... Never again and I mean never... They tried to drown me , I swear they did. And not happy with that,then they tried to blows my ears off my head with this huge fur drier thing. For bones sake, why didn't somebody warn me? And my tail... They just hung off the end of it trying to get in dry, so there was no way I was going to let them rub my face dry. For all I know they might have pierced my ears or something. Everybody keeps telling me that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and that I will get used to it, but I'm not so sure. Apparently we all have a bath twice a year so life is going to be interesting next time. Next time I will weigh twice as much and be a load bigger and stronger so their lives will be a lot harder if they want to try drowning ME again. When we all got back, Freya was texting her mate Flo. She's having a mud bath and face pack at home this weekend.... Now that's what I call a bath..... Although the only place I would want mud to pack is round my paws. I am handsome enough without any mud on my face, but at least it would take away that funny smell. Why can't they use bone cologne not some girly stuff on us blokes. Anyway I suppose I had better stop moaning about it, got to admit my coat looks good and I don't mind looking in the mirror. Anyway , I will say cool runnings Gryff

Troll juice

After the shock of meeting a gnome yesterday, I felt I had to take the matter a little further, and discuss all the differences between the two species with my own personal troll.... Apparently these are numerous but the one thing that they both have in common is their temperament. Both it appears, that they are to say the least unpredictable and just because they say they are going to do something doesn't mean they will. But not having done it, they expect you to believe they have.... If you get what I mean. Confusing isn't it. And apparently if the trolls have been out for a bevy and a roast the night before they can be really iffy! Apparently trolls favourite tipple is something called ARAK, and one of their predecessors Ghengis Khan was famous for indulging in it. It's not very strong... Just 50-60% proof. Just enough to show them a good time. And then of course there are such creatures as witches. Now I know for a fact that her indoors is one, because she always knows what I am thinking, but what I didn't know is that aunty Sarah is one too..... But for a totally different reason. Aunty Sarah tried to blame me for every thing that went down today. They were so busy that the kettle didnt go on and things got put in the wrong places and it all went pear shaped just like Freya is at the moment. And then she was teasing me about going to the poodle parlour tomorrow, and all that water they will be using ,when she knows I hate water.....now that's not fair is it Uncle Dick? You need to sort her out, or I will just have to tell you all the nasty things she said to me on Saturday morning when we have our cream cake and sausage rolls. You know if you could see me uncle Dick, lying here with my head on my paws all upset and miserable I am sure you would be on my side. Anyway I suppose I had better make the effort and eat my tea... Tomorrow is worrying me. I have never had a bath like this before. Oh well, paws crossed... Cool runnings Gryff

Paw-petual motion

My mum says that I have a battery fitted that never wears out, and that it's charged by my tail which never stops wagging or waving around. Now I think that's cool, don't you? Anybody would think that I never sat still unless I am asleep. Bit like one of those posh Rolex watches that people wear..... Guess that means I am worth a lot of money too. Lol. Nice one!!. Changing the subject slightly , I met a Gnome today. Not at all like a troll. Guess he was about five feet tall and all gnarly and twisty. His nose was all big and bulbous and a funny purply colour. He had no front teeth and great big ears, that flapped as he shouted at everybody.... Well maybe he was deaf too, cause he talked ever so loud. Oh and he had long bushy hair. Trolls are much taller, and quite a few of them have a tail just like ours.... But they can only come out when it's getting dark. If the sun catches a troll they turn to stone, and I know that's true, because when the grizzly troll goes out into the garden he sits down and goes really really still. He says he is making sure that we are all working properly, but I don't think so!! The funny thing is that at the mention of food he comes to life again.... So now you know where I get it from! Never seen a gnome before, and if they are all that feisty then I am glad that aunty Jackie and her that must be obeyed were there..... Definitely bad tempered if you ask me.... And that they do have in common with trolls. I have also decided that I am fed up with the rain, it's getting harder and harder to avoid all the puddles, and I really hate water. Her indoors is taking us all to have a shampoo and comb out so we are ready for the garden party.... Hope to see you all there, and that the weather is a lot better. Take care all, and stay dry. Cool runnings Gryff

Growing old disgracefully ( yippee )

Yesterday our boss dog went clay pidgeon shooting with the troll for the morning.... First of all he got WRONG cause he jumped into the wrong car (Merlins own I might add) which the troll had opened the boot to.... Like how was he supposed to know he was supposed to get into the one with it's doors shut!!!!! Duurrrhhhh!!! And then he spent the following three hours running around with a couple of baby trolls....instead of being allowed to do his job and supervise the shooting. Now as you know trolls can be unreasonable at the best of times, but to look after two when you are eighty odd years of age is above and beyond the call of duty if you ask me. And, And being baby trolls they still had four toes each foot to run on, so you can imagine just how tired our boss was when he got home. He was covered in mud everywhere, his feet were swollen, he was still panting and he walked through the front door, jumped in his basket and put out the DO NOT DISTURB sign. He slept through afternoon biscuits, tea, which was Spag Bol, and breakfast this morning. Now that is totally unacceptable if you ask me! The blokes absolutely @@@@@@@@ . Needless to say she who must be obeyed through a pink fit, she was not a happy bunny at all. Didn't help that we had friends round the night before and we were all late to bed anyway. Question is, does he go again because he is getting on a bit, or do I offer to go with him and sort out these baby trolls. Don't think I will be quite so patient as him especially if they are anything like the big troll. What worries me more is that if he is slowing down, then at some stage I will have to take on some of his responsibilities and I am not sure that I am up to it yet?? like getting into the wrong car. That was the trolls fault because he told him to get in meaning the front door and then opened the boot in front of Merlin....I would have got in the car too. Merlin just gave him THE LOOK and jumped out again....don't know what I would have done! Then this morning I got caught a bit short about 4am. Now Merlin always goes through the night, when will I be able to? The good bit about it was I woke her up trying to tell her indoors and because I had asked, I got taken upstairs and had a lovely cuddle on the bed till the alarm went off! Then there's times when I should bark and times when I shouldn't.... How do I tell the difference.? Then the other day, this gentleman went to give her indoors a kiss, and Merlin was up and between them like a rocket. Either he knew instinctively or perhaps the bloke should have asked his permission.... I just don't know! See what I mean, it's really hard growing up and trying to get it right all the time. one thing I do know is that when I start to grow old, I am going to do it just like Merlin. I shall get covered in mud, I shall hang out the do not disturb sign, I shall still chase the girls and I shall eat all the food I can get hold of. In other words I shall grow old DISGRACEFULLY because it keeps you young. Perhaps all you other Berners should try it... Cool runnings Gryff

Breakfast........at 3am

Bet you didn't know that us Berners can cook did you? Well I can, well I tried! About half past two this morning I decided I was hungry , like really hungry, and I knew for a fact that there were half a dozen eggs on the back of the table, just by the sink. So having given the matter a great deal of thought,( about a milli second ) I decided I would go for one of my puppy favourites.... Scrambled eggs. Now as you know I am getting really good at counter surfing, so utensils first,,,, the wooden spoon, then the eggs,,,,, OOOPS caught the saucepan on the draining board with the eggs and one major noise as they all hit the floor together. Oh well won't need the spoon so I might aswell have a quick chew and see it off. Finish off the eggs to remove a bit more evidence which just leaves the saucepan. Now wouldnt you just know it....her indoors must have heard the noise and is on her way downstairs. O well paws up and admit it....but at least I got the eggs LOL. Hope I still get breakfast and my toast and pate. I am a growing dog! All this walking and exercise makes a dog hungry. Anyway my mate Bryn is coming for tea tonight with his two legs. Quiche, Palma ham and Feta cheese for starters, spagetti Bol, and cheesecake for afters. AWESOME! I llluuuurrrrvvvveeee having company. Anyway suppose I had better go and make sure ths spag Bol is doing ok....talk soon. Cool runnings Gryff