Guess who's a HOT SPOT?

You guessed it, I'm still in the wars...... Came back from my absolutely wonderful holiday with nanny  with a sore patch on my face it got nearly better and then Friday morning when her indoors got up she went off on one and booked me in at our own vets ASAP. Kept telling her I was fine but would she have it? NO, she had to go and ring K999! I hate that place, boring to say the least and the nurses all come up and ask u how you are? If I was fine I wouldn't be there would I! Haven't you grown, aren't you handsome, bet he won't fit on a table now! WHAT DO THEY THINK I AM? ONE OF THOSE LAP DOG THINGS? yes I've grown, the last time I saw them I was about 4 months old!! I know I am handsome...all Bernese are (except the girls of course) and as for the table  by the time she'd patted it twice I was standing on it looking DOWN at the  vet....( what's that dominance rule! The two legs should  aways be taller than the dog or some such?)  Last time I took on four staff and beat them so this one wasn't even going to get the chance.... Then she fed me a treat, and then another, gave me a fuss and told me to get off her table before its legs bent! cheeky mare!! There I was all geared up and she wouldn't play. The Troll got all upset last time because the vet told him I behaved better for her indoors than him. .... AND?  Her indoors and me have an understanding..... Anyway more pills, more cream, more bathing with hot salt water etc... What I need is my own private nurse, and I know exactly where to find one. A few weeks ago on our page I saw a picture of a st Bernard in a nurses outfit. Think she was at a big do, because she was standing  with a two legs nurse. She had this white bib on with a Red Cross of bones on it and she looked smoking..... Now if I could get a nurse like her I wouldn't mind being ill. And what do I have...her indoors..... With comments like "stand still u little so and so'" and "ok now you've taken the cheese off it you can eat the tablet" . I mean how sympathetic is that? AND she goes off on one if I even think about having a good scratch.  So if there are any sexy nurses out there, with any helpful ideas on how to deal with a hot spot, I am open to all suggestions. Any and all sympathy will be gratefully accepted , oh and the nurse can't be too expensive cause I sent all my bone and biscuit allowance at the vets. Cool runnings Gryff