Bitch bulldozes van

Ok now I know for a fact that us K9's can get high as a kite on decorating fumes.... I have tried sniffing paint, wearing paint, mixing paint and my personal favourite HAIRING paint. It's a bit like ragging or sponging but you use any part of your anatomy that has long black fur on it. It also I might add , gives a textured finish where the fur sticks and then someone paints over it to hide it. CHEEKY so and so's....that's my best fur!! Anyway back to paint sniffing.... Last night after a day of it @@@@@@@ down of rain, and gallons of paint being throne about by Uncle Mike and her indoors, the gang and I eventually got to get in the van and go for a walk. Now we love going to different places walking, but last night was my choice and I wanted to go and see how Mr and Mrs B Owl were getting on. Her indoors said we had to leave them in peace and we haven't been there for a while in case there were eggs, because we have been known to make quite a cuffuffle when we are out together, but anyway I won and off we went. ( Not that she is tall enough to see if there were eggs anyway)! Anyway thinking she was being clever she dropped us off at the far end of the lane, and followed us down in the van as we all went loopy enjoying the run around, the puddles and all the mud we could find. I have explained before, that because there are some golden oldies (Merlin to be exact) she picks the tired dogs up when they decide they have had enough and then us fit handsome younger Berners can carry on without any tail nagging at us. Anyway, Freya and I were playing cowboys and Indians, with the van as the wagons and us as the indians. We went round and round and round barking and going bonkers, and I can only assume that either the paint fumes got to her or her bone shoot was so far open that she couldn't see, but Miss Freya ran straight into the front of the stationery van. There was such a funny bonging noise that for a couple of seconds I didn't realise what had happened. Anyway her indoors jumped out the van and ran round the front to see Miss Freya sitting on her rather wide but very delicate bum with stars circling her ears. She looked so funny, but you two legs do seem to panic over nothing, and she got put in the van and we all got taken home ASAP. (spoil sport that's what I think!) anyway by the time we all threw ourselves through the kitchen door looking for our tea, Fuzz Pot has got this lump on her head like a golf ball. Talk about fuss and fiddle. Do they ring the vets, where's the ice , cold compress , fuss fuss fuss, and that baggage was doing her dying dog act fit for an Oscar!, Anyway after enjoying all the fuss, having tea in her basket and being clucked over she decided she was fine , curled up and took it out on her chewy bone. What a performance.... What happened to our walk.? Why did we have to go back home, it's not like cars are small things. Typical female if you ask me, mouth in gear, brain out of gear!!! I know...boneist or what! Anyway I think when she woke up halfway through the night she realised what a spoil sport she had been, so she opened the back door for us, and we all went to play in the garden in the pouring rain. (opening that particular door is Freyas party trick... We are all trying to learn , but she has this particular knack so the two legs always know it's her). Anyway when the two legs got up at 5am this morning you can imagine what they found. Abstract mud paintings on the Walls, slide patterns on the floors, decorative mud flicks on the ceiling, you think of it ,we had done it. And we all were quite happily pretending to be asleep..... No point in looking to be told off is there? Can't say we got away with it but it could have been a lot worse...but it did stop the toast and pate. Not enough time to clear up and cook I expect...Anyway today my best mate Bryn came for the morning. Should have said I was too tired to play but I didn't. He is just that week older and bigger than me, and being a bit tired he won every wrestling match we had. Better get a decent nights kip tonight cause I hope he is coming back tomorrow , then I will be as quick as he is. OOOPS that might be a bit of a problem.... Did I tell you about the Grizzly Troll???? Well next week he was supposed to go into hospital to have a metal pin put in one of his three toes (trolls only have three toes on each foot) so he didn't wobble so much when he walked. Personally I think it's the weight of his club but nobody asked me...well anyway he went for the pre med as normal and he failed it. Apart from green not red , it appears he isn't a CLOT after all. Well the green sticky stuff won't, so he now has to wait, have another test and see if he is normal for a troll and they will re book the blacksmith for a later date. Is he ticked off or what!! He had this list of things he would not be able to do (just driving according to the vet) which got longer every day. No dog walking , washing up (standing) no shopping, no housework, no washing,no cooking or cleaning NO GOLF OR SHOOTING, etc etc etc . He even sorted out having our bones and pate delivered by the butcher, and now it's not going to happen. Think I will get five Kevlar jackets, tin hats and survival kits sorted before we go home..... Unless you have heard a troll , you have no idea how much noise they can make when they are in a bad mood in the middle of the night. Anyway, think that brings everybody up to date. Miss Freya by the way is fine, not even a black eye.... See you later guys...Cool runnings Gryff